Author Topic: Setting Boundaries with Needy, Negative Neighbor  (Read 4542 times)

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siamesecat2965

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Re: Setting Boundaries with Needy, Negative Neighbor
« Reply #15 on: June 30, 2013, 08:09:26 PM »
I had a neighbor like that, only we lived in separate apts, but in the same house. and once the weather got warm, she'd bring her lawn chair out, and sit in the sun right outside her door, on the driveway. Where I had to pass to get to MY car or back into my apt.. Like you, in the beginning I would stop and chat, but sometimes I'd be there a good 30 minutes before I could even get into my apt. And even when I'd say, ok, need to go in now, she'd follow me across the driveway, still talking.  It got to the point where if I had to go out, i lurk to hear her go inside, and then run out to my car, so I could avoid her.

she too is nice, but needy, and would start talking about something, then wander off onto some tangent and start discussing people I didn't know, and so on. what I finally started doing was the "walk and talk" I'd say hello, how are you, but not stop moving, and eventually I think she got the message that I wasn't available for prolonged chats anymore.

So I'd just continue doing what you do, and maybe wave and yell hello, but then go back to your stuff. don't feel guilty about not going over to chat; her lonliness isn't your issue

Piratelvr1121

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Re: Setting Boundaries with Needy, Negative Neighbor
« Reply #16 on: June 30, 2013, 08:24:17 PM »
We might just share a neighbor.  I have one that sounds like that, so much so that I avoid walking past her house if I see her out in her yard. When we first moved in we had reason to chat as her granddaughter played with my sons but her granddaughter moved away and doesn't come around anymore like she used to. 

That and like your neighbor, saying "I really need to get going" doesn't work because she'll keep talking.  I never really did like her much because she is so negative, not to mention racist and like your neighbor always has something negative to say about the people on our block. (she's on the next street up at the other end of the alley that runs between our streets.)

I'm sure she's lonely and probably misses her granddaughter but with the way she acts I can see why she'd be lonely.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

lowspark

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Re: Setting Boundaries with Needy, Negative Neighbor
« Reply #17 on: July 01, 2013, 08:27:51 AM »
Toots, I think that's right, too.

I think there's always been a background thrum of bitterness. It is my understanding that her husband unilaterally decided to start his own business, was therefore never around to help with five kids, and because he is generous to a fault they are still pretty poor. But maybe her health is failing a bit lately and since she feels poorly, she's negative. She does still have a sense of generosity.  If I've ever mentioned a problem she always tells me she lights candles for my family etc., and she drives infirm people to the hairdresser and grocery store. Ethically, I feel like I have a duty to see her as a flawed but worthy human being, and not blow her off because she can be unpleasant. What if she were my own mother? But, these dang time constraints! And the fact that I have a million things to worry about myself and limited time and energy...

This woman needs to sign up for some kind of volunteer work. That would occupy her time and give her a sense of purpose. Any way you can suggest that or even get information for her about how she can sign up for that kind of thing?