Author Topic: Get over it or stand my ground? - Update post #137  (Read 20088 times)

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gramma dishes

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Re: Get over it or stand my ground?
« Reply #105 on: July 02, 2013, 02:13:55 PM »
... I forgave her a long time ago. ...

You and the other posters who assume the OP can/has forgiven this misadventure are so nice.  Personally, I don't think I'd have ever been able to truly "forgive" that.  I know what they all say about forgiveness being good for the person wronged, but sometimes I think forgiveness is highly overrated!  I think, for me, this would be one of those 'sometimes'.   :D

TurtleDove

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Re: Get over it or stand my ground?
« Reply #106 on: July 02, 2013, 02:29:58 PM »
I think this is not a "universal response" situation. I am not discounting the OP's feelings (or any of the posters who agree with her), but to me, this* simply would not be something that would have been a big deal to me.  Based on the neighborhood's reaction at the time and since, it wasn't to them either.

*The ML's behavior, not the situation the OP went through with the intruder.  I am simply pointing out that while I don't think the ML handled this appropriately, apparently there are factors we don't know about that make it so that the ML is not villified by people who were there and presumably know the situation.

ladyknight1

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Re: Get over it or stand my ground?
« Reply #107 on: July 02, 2013, 02:35:47 PM »
My feelings would not depend on the reaction of the neighborhood.

rashea

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Re: Get over it or stand my ground?
« Reply #108 on: July 02, 2013, 02:36:53 PM »
I think this is not a "universal response" situation. I am not discounting the OP's feelings (or any of the posters who agree with her), but to me, this* simply would not be something that would have been a big deal to me.  Based on the neighborhood's reaction at the time and since, it wasn't to them either.

*The ML's behavior, not the situation the OP went through with the intruder.  I am simply pointing out that while I don't think the ML handled this appropriately, apparently there are factors we don't know about that make it so that the ML is not villified by people who were there and presumably know the situation.

Actually, I'm not sure the neighborhood really does know what happened. And many people don't hold things against people if they didn't commit the offence against them. And there are many people who will socialize with someone just to avoid the awkwardness of not inviting one person. So, I do wonder how she's regarded in the area. 
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gramma dishes

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Re: Get over it or stand my ground?
« Reply #109 on: July 02, 2013, 02:38:43 PM »
My feelings would not depend on the reaction of the neighborhood.

That.  Plus the fact that we don't know how much the neighborhood knew about the situation.  I would presume that the neighbors were told about the break in (since the guy got away and therefore neighbors should be cautious), but they may not have been told about Mean Lady's treatment of the OP.

TurtleDove

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Re: Get over it or stand my ground?
« Reply #110 on: July 02, 2013, 02:39:04 PM »
My feelings would not depend on the reaction of the neighborhood.

Oh, mine don't either.  The ML's actions wouldn't have been a big deal to me period.  But I am curious why the board seems to be heavily of the opinion that the ML is an awful person with serious character flaws when the people who know her in her neighborhood apparently don't feel that way. 

LeveeWoman

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Re: Get over it or stand my ground?
« Reply #111 on: July 02, 2013, 02:40:30 PM »
I think this is not a "universal response" situation. I am not discounting the OP's feelings (or any of the posters who agree with her), but to me, this* simply would not be something that would have been a big deal to me.  Based on the neighborhood's reaction at the time and since, it wasn't to them either.

*The ML's behavior, not the situation the OP went through with the intruder.  I am simply pointing out that while I don't think the ML handled this appropriately, apparently there are factors we don't know about that make it so that the ML is not villified by people who were there and presumably know the situation.


Her mother was there and knew of the situation, and refused to socialize with her for years. 

Harriet Jones

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Re: Get over it or stand my ground?
« Reply #112 on: July 02, 2013, 02:42:20 PM »
Sending an upset teenage girl back outside in the winter dressed only in a towel is a pretty egregious offense to me.   

TurtleDove

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Re: Get over it or stand my ground?
« Reply #113 on: July 02, 2013, 02:43:53 PM »
Her mother was there and knew of the situation, and refused to socialize with her for years.

Yes, which is why I can't understand why the OP's mother is now concerned that the neighborhood would be upset that ML is not invited.  And again, I didn't get the sense that ML was ever directly told that what she did had offended the OP and her family and I get the sense she didn't realize she had anything to apologize for.  The whole situation seems like a giant miscommunication and I wish it had been addressed immediately when it happened so that the OP could have gotten the apology she wanted long ago.

Queen of Clubs

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Re: Get over it or stand my ground?
« Reply #114 on: July 02, 2013, 02:44:06 PM »
My feelings would not depend on the reaction of the neighborhood.

Nor mine.  There's also the factor that lots of people don't like to make a fuss.  They'll be polite to almost anyone to avoid making a scene.  So it may be that the neighbours are polite to her but don't like her, but won't exclude her for fear of making a fuss, or (as Rashea said) they might not even know what she did.

OP, stand your ground.  If your mom wants to socialise with neighbour woman, she can - but you're in no way obliged to, especially at your own party.

ladyknight1

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Re: Get over it or stand my ground?
« Reply #115 on: July 02, 2013, 02:44:07 PM »
Also, the perspective of someone from outside a small community may see things and react much differently than someone inside that community that will feel repercussions of any action taken.

gramma dishes

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Re: Get over it or stand my ground?
« Reply #116 on: July 02, 2013, 02:46:15 PM »

Oh, mine don't either.  The ML's actions wouldn't have been a big deal to me period.  But I am curious why the board seems to be heavily of the opinion that the ML is an awful person with serious character flaws when the people who know her in her neighborhood apparently don't feel that way.

Turtle Dove, the neighbors may not actually especially like this woman but in the interest of community harmony (and especially if everyone likes ML's husband and daughter), they may think it is everyone's best interest to remain civil to her.  Also, they may not be aware of her reaction to the OP's situation at the time of the incident.

VorFemme

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Re: Get over it or stand my ground?
« Reply #117 on: July 02, 2013, 02:47:11 PM »
... I forgave her a long time ago. ...

You and the other posters who assume the OP can/has forgiven this misadventure are so nice.  Personally, I don't think I'd have ever been able to truly "forgive" that.  I know what they all say about forgiveness being good for the person wronged, but sometimes I think forgiveness is highly overrated!  I think, for me, this would be one of those 'sometimes'.   :D

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Yvaine

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Re: Get over it or stand my ground?
« Reply #118 on: July 02, 2013, 02:48:48 PM »
I think this is not a "universal response" situation. I am not discounting the OP's feelings (or any of the posters who agree with her), but to me, this* simply would not be something that would have been a big deal to me.  Based on the neighborhood's reaction at the time and since, it wasn't to them either.

*The ML's behavior, not the situation the OP went through with the intruder.  I am simply pointing out that while I don't think the ML handled this appropriately, apparently there are factors we don't know about that make it so that the ML is not villified by people who were there and presumably know the situation.

Actually, I'm not sure the neighborhood really does know what happened. And many people don't hold things against people if they didn't commit the offence against them. And there are many people who will socialize with someone just to avoid the awkwardness of not inviting one person. So, I do wonder how she's regarded in the area.

And maybe the OP's mom is even mistaken about the neighbors' opinion. If I read the thread correctly, we only know anything about the neighbors' opinion as filtered through mom.

At any rate, I don't think the neighbors' opinion should be the final arbiter of whether OP decides to socialize with this woman. Plenty of awful people have put on a nice face for "the neighbors" while being a lot less pleasant in private. A lot of people let their social mask slip around people they feel are "below" them, such as a child.

Twik

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Re: Get over it or stand my ground?
« Reply #119 on: July 02, 2013, 02:48:56 PM »
Look at the typical report in the online newspapers these days about people doing horrible things. There's always people in the comment section going, "Yeah, but, these are good neighbours of mine, and they never hurt ME personally, so I think it's all being overdramatized."

I would be horrified at someone who would not help my child in a situation that could, in different circumstances, have been life-threatening. I certainly would not continue the relationship with someone who treated my child like that.
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