SIL's 2nd Baby Shower - Am I just cranky? (little long, sorry)

[jibby]

I think you've reasonably established a basis for skipping the shower.   Send a card instead.  When the baby is born schedule a couple of evenings when you can bring dinner to the family.

That's a good idea and I will definitely consider it as an alternative to attending.  Who can complain about free dinner, right? 

[jibby]

Yeah, do not feel obligated to go. Do as you planned before you were invited to the shower.
I was handed an invite to a shower for Feb. at a family reunion last weekend, for a cousin of my husband's I have never spoken to before in my life...she seems nice enough but c'mon! Shes throwing the shower for herself, too.

Thanks! 

Well, gee, of course you should buy a gift and give up a day off for someone you've never met...she was brave enough to throw her own shower, lol. 

[jibby]

If her DH wants to continue his bad habits, then he can buy the diapers first.

That's kind of my thought...I was worried that I was being too harsh.  Glad to see I'm not alone!

[Lisbeth]

Ugh.

First, I'd never accept an invitation by a third party's word-of-mouth.  Since you didn't get one from the SIL or whoever the hostess is, I'd assume that you're not invited.

If your condition, aside from the other etiquette violations, is making you feel not well enough to go to this shower, I'd feel free to skip it.

[jibby]

My response would be, "I'm dreadfully sorry, but we have other plans."  If you choose, give a small gift after the joyous event. 

Thanks, I just might use that line.  I haven't phoned SIL or her MIL yet, as technically, I have nothing to which I should actually RSVP...

[jibby]

You can follow the Karolsmumma rule for family gatherings. If I am invited to something with less then two weeks notice, I won't go.

That is actually my DH's rule, too!  He thinks that it is really disrespectful of his family to assume that we must never be busy.

Good to know about the diapers - thanks!

[gr_gal1993]

Don't bother doing a thing for these people.  Send a card if you wish, but I wouldn't even go that far.  Save your money for your family and let others worry about that family.  If they can't afford to take care of their own business, then perhaps they need to make better choices.  Catering to them doesn't teach them a thing.

Edited to fix an error.

[jibby]

Get something more fun, like a teething toy (who wants to share those with their older sib?), so a.) you don't break your budget, b.) you get something "fun" and not practical, and c.) you're not looked on as being mean, but you're also not doing the parents' job of providing the essentials.  I highly recommend some keys by Sassy.  They're chewable, about 5-6 bucks, can be found pretty easily, and make noises easily.  Babies love them

Thanks, that's a great gift idea!   

[jibby]

How long will your parents be visiting? Can they extend it into Sunday? Given that it sounds like you don't see them very often, not attending because you have out-of-town guests at your home would be a very valid reason not to attend.

They're leaving Saturday night, but I *could* use "I'm exhausted from the visit".   

[jibby]

Ugh.

First, I'd never accept an invitation by a third party's word-of-mouth.  Since you didn't get one from the SIL or whoever the hostess is, I'd assume that you're not invited.

It's funny...that was DH's response last night when I mentioned the shower.  He didn't know anything about the shower, and actually said he would be "offended" if I went.  Methinks someone has been reading my beloved eHell...

[Eastsider]

This second baby shower thing is pretty new to me.  No one I know has had one.  When my second pregnancy resulted in twins, I neither expected nor did anyone offer a shower.  We just went out and bought another crib, high chair, carseat, etc. second hand since finances were tight. 
Taking the new parents dinner is a great idea.  People who did that for us after the twins came were life savers.  If you can make a lot of something that can be frozen that is the best because they can eat part and save part for a really hectic day.  A second baby is a lot more work than people think because you still have to care for your first baby (not that I would know since I went from one to three).

[jibby]

This second baby shower thing is pretty new to me.  No one I know has had one.  When my second pregnancy resulted in twins, I neither expected nor did anyone offer a shower.  We just went out and bought another crib, high chair, carseat, etc. second hand since finances were tight. 
Taking the new parents dinner is a great idea.  People who did that for us after the twins came were life savers.  If you can make a lot of something that can be frozen that is the best because they can eat part and save part for a really hectic day.  A second baby is a lot more work than people think because you still have to care for your first baby (not that I would know since I went from one to three).

I don't really care for second showers, but in SIL's case I think it is really a bit much.  Her first child isn't even two years old, and she has had bridal showers and a wedding in the past eight months.  It's just overboard, IMHO.  Dinner is a great idea. 

DH and I each have immediate family members who are twins.  The responsibility seems overwhelming, but I have to admit that I secretly would love twins.    And, I would fully support a second shower for someone expecting multiples.