Author Topic: Your gift was only $100  (Read 21398 times)

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TeamBhakta

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Your gift was only $100
« on: July 03, 2013, 12:41:07 PM »
A reader sent an email to HP's wedding section, about a bride disappointed to receive $100 from the reader and her boyfriend

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/07/02/wedding-gift_n_3535780.html

rose red

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Re: Your gift was only $100
« Reply #1 on: July 03, 2013, 12:50:31 PM »
Yet another couple who thinks their "guests" are there to pay for their wedding.  These people should just start mailing a bill with the invitations.  If I'm suppose to cover my plate (among other things), I'd rather just go out to a restaurant of my own choice.

Hillia

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Re: Your gift was only $100
« Reply #2 on: July 03, 2013, 12:52:41 PM »
The etiquette and general 'decent human being' fail aside, where on earth did that bride learn to write?  The email was almost unintelligible. 

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camlan

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Re: Your gift was only $100
« Reply #3 on: July 03, 2013, 12:53:11 PM »
This is the part that stuck out to me:

Quote
Mike and I both have already paid for everything else including decor, photography, attire etc and didn't expect we had to cover that huge amount for reception as well.

So the Happy Couple were willing to pay for their clothing, and the decorations and photos, but expected their guests to contribute the entire amount of the food and drink consumed.

So the Happy Couple wanted to throw a party, but thought their guests should pay for the party. And when they didn't pay enough, the Happy Couple let them know, retroactively, about the cover charge.

Crass and tasteless. And rude, rude, rude.
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Amava

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Re: Your gift was only $100
« Reply #4 on: July 03, 2013, 01:08:23 PM »
People really need to learn to host parties they can afford.
Gifts ought to be a bonus, not a way of funding the wedding...
But of course, I'm preaching to the choir here.  :D
 
In my opinion people need to stop being slaves to the wedding industry.
It is perfectly possible to get married without going into debt for expensive clothes, rings, fancy venues, flowers, cake, limousines, etc.
If you have the means and /want/ to spend money you have on expensive stuff? Go for it. No judgement from me. Your money, your wishes, your day, your choice.
But if you don't have money? Find alternatives, and hold your head high, because your wedding is just as good as an expensive one. Viable alternatives, to be clear: not "expecting money from your guests".


WillyNilly

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Re: Your gift was only $100
« Reply #5 on: July 03, 2013, 01:43:28 PM »
Quote
...just for the cocktail + reception alone the plate per person is 200$ (as per a normal wedding range with open bar is about...

I wonder where on earth this took place? I live in NYC - one of the most expensive cities in the country by many estimations - and just got married in October. My DH and I found dozens of truly elegant places where the per person cost of cocktail hour, and 3-5 course sit-down plated meal, plus 5 hours of top shelf open bar was between $90-125.

CakeBeret

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Re: Your gift was only $100
« Reply #6 on: July 03, 2013, 02:15:59 PM »
I could go on about "entitlement these days", but I won't. :)

One reader comment suggested "I wouldn't say anything but I'd post it on Facebook and tag her. She should be publicly embarrassed for that."

I have to wonder if this would be rude.
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nuit93

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Re: Your gift was only $100
« Reply #7 on: July 03, 2013, 02:34:57 PM »
Well, I must be a rude SS for only giving $50 when that's all I could afford.

Some people's children...

emwithme

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Re: Your gift was only $100
« Reply #8 on: July 03, 2013, 05:25:10 PM »
I got married last September.  Most of our wedding gifts were cash.

We came nowhere near close to "covering" the cost of the day - and didn't expect to.  It was our decision to spend £12,000 on our wedding.  It was our decision to invite people based on our relationship to them, rather than wondering "who will give us what?"


Our gifts averaged around £100 and we were stunned with each card we opened!

We received some truly generous gifts - and I wrote individual thank you cards for each; I would never contact anyone to say their gift "wasn't good enough".  In fact, I appreciate the £25 received from my best friend from school (married to her teenage sweetheart, SAHM with three small children) more than the £500 we received from DH's rich cousin (and her richer husband), simply because I know the impact it (along with the five of them coming to the wedding 120 miles away from where they live) will have had on their finances.


 

Cat-Fu

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Re: Your gift was only $100
« Reply #9 on: July 03, 2013, 05:34:14 PM »
I'm kind of laughing about this. It's just too ridiculous:
Quote
I just want to know is there any reason or dissatisfaction of Mike's and I wedding

That is what I'd expect a waitress to say if she didn't get tipped!

I do kind of wonder if part of it is that the couple in question abused the open bar, which led to the high per plate cost? At my brother's wedding, some of his bro friends went a little overboard at the open bar and drank literally everything in the restaurant. My brother was not too happy about the bill (and about the bartenders who weren't refusing service!)
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WillyNilly

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Re: Your gift was only $100
« Reply #10 on: July 03, 2013, 05:44:55 PM »
I'm kind of laughing about this. It's just too ridiculous:
Quote
I just want to know is there any reason or dissatisfaction of Mike's and I wedding

That is what I'd expect a waitress to say if she didn't get tipped!

I do kind of wonder if part of it is that the couple in question abused the open bar, which led to the high per plate cost? At my brother's wedding, some of his bro friends went a little overboard at the open bar and drank literally everything in the restaurant. My brother was not too happy about the bill (and about the bartenders who weren't refusing service!)

I had open bar at my wedding. It was the same price whether everyone over imbibed on top shelf or if no one drank a drop. I would consider what you are describing as a "open tab bar" not an "open bar", I would never sign a contract like that! Guests should feel free to enjoy anything that is offered in the amount it is offered. If your bother wanted a cut off point, he should have arranged for one (like a "per person" drink limit, or for the bartenders to contact him once the tab hit a certain price), if he didn't communicate a limit, its silly to be mad at the bartenders - their loyalty is going to be to their employers and try to make as much money for the house as possible.

Coruscation

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Re: Your gift was only $100
« Reply #11 on: July 03, 2013, 05:49:56 PM »
I know someone who got married a few years ago and the cost was $200 per person, but that included rooms at the resort for the bridal party and bride and grooms parents the night before and the night of the wedding, among other things. The total cost was divided among the guests to arrive at the price per head.

Amava

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Re: Your gift was only $100
« Reply #12 on: July 03, 2013, 05:58:42 PM »
I'm kind of laughing about this. It's just too ridiculous:
Quote
I just want to know is there any reason or dissatisfaction of Mike's and I wedding

That is what I'd expect a waitress to say if she didn't get tipped!

I do kind of wonder if part of it is that the couple in question abused the open bar, which led to the high per plate cost? At my brother's wedding, some of his bro friends went a little overboard at the open bar and drank literally everything in the restaurant. My brother was not too happy about the bill (and about the bartenders who weren't refusing service!)

I don't think that was the case, because a bride who is shameless enough to send an email like that, would certainly include "And you took scandalous advantage of our open bar!!" if that had been the case, and also because the bride wrote: "because just for the cocktail + reception alone the plate per person is 200$ (as per a normal wedding range with open bar is about)" indicating that the cost was not unexpected.

Katana_Geldar

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Re: Your gift was only $100
« Reply #13 on: July 03, 2013, 06:38:41 PM »
If you don't want people to have expensive drinks at your wedding, then tell the bar staff!

As for the money, I was wondering if the couple was Asian as your cash gift is expected to cover your plate. But there's no excuse for this either way.

chicajojobe

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Re: Your gift was only $100
« Reply #14 on: July 03, 2013, 07:58:37 PM »
If you don't want people to have expensive drinks at your wedding, then tell the bar staff!

As for the money, I was wondering if the couple was Asian as your cash gift is expected to cover your plate. But there's no excuse for this either way.

It's not just an Asian thing anymore.
I knew someone who did this. She went though her list of guests and what they gave, and if the cost of the gift didn't seem like it would cover the cost of the meal she grumbled, "I"m never talking to this person again!"

Besides, I may not be Asian myself, but I'm pretty sure that even if the couple was Asian and this was a faux pas in their culture it would still be considered unforgivably rude to specifically call them out about it on social media.