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Author Topic: Pushy kid- Literally  (Read 10606 times)

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Catananche

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Re: Pushy kid- Literally
« Reply #30 on: July 07, 2013, 04:20:58 AM »
This might be a very dumb question, buy doesn't she correct him in her own language? He has heard that since birth, she speaks it fluently and it would be a lot more effective than trying to correct a child in a language that neither of them speaks or understands very much of.
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SuperMartianRobotGirl

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Re: Pushy kid- Literally
« Reply #31 on: July 07, 2013, 11:36:07 AM »
My understanding is that sometimes bilingual kids have an overall language delay. They catch up and then are bilingual of course, but as toddlers they sometimes have trouble with speech in general. We have bilingual neighbors who only spoke to their kids in their native language for the first few years before introducing English to try to get around that apparently common issue.

Secret

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Re: Pushy kid- Literally
« Reply #32 on: July 07, 2013, 08:14:26 PM »
Excellent question Catananche.  You may be on to something.  Maybe the mom is saying it in English to show us that she is trying to get him to stop, but he doesn't understand it.  I have seen her talking in her native language to him as well.

Either way, I haven't run into the kid yet.  but I do want to reiterate, this kid isn't being pushy for the fun of it.  He kind of gives a "hi" shove.  I can't explain it.  he comes up to my kid, grins at her and gives her a shove. And then keeps smiling at her.   I think I'll be prepared for the "say Hi" instead" approach.  If that doesn't work, I'll keep the kid away.  After all, at this age, most kids don't play "together' at the park.  They just run around and happen to run into each other at the swing or at the bottom of the slide.

Catananche

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Re: Pushy kid- Literally
« Reply #33 on: July 09, 2013, 06:02:59 AM »
My understanding is that sometimes bilingual kids have an overall language delay. They catch up and then are bilingual of course, but as toddlers they sometimes have trouble with speech in general. We have bilingual neighbors who only spoke to their kids in their native language for the first few years before introducing English to try to get around that apparently common issue.

We moved from the Netherlands to the USA with a 20 month old. We didn't know we were moving, and because of that we never spoke to our daughter in any other language than Dutch. She entered an American, English speaking pre-school at 22 months. After 6 weeks she had picked up enough English to communicate. She spoke with a lovely Southern accent (we lived in Jackson County, Alabama), even her Dutch had a Southern sound to it..
Whenever she was acting up we would correct her in Dutch as that was the language she was most familiar with. Her pre-school teachers would correct her in English as they didn't speak Dutch. When she wouldn't react to the verbal corrections 9 times out of 10 it had nothing to do with language, but more with her being 2-3 years old.
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Shoo

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Re: Pushy kid- Literally
« Reply #34 on: July 09, 2013, 11:11:13 AM »

I disagree.  IMO pushing/hitting is completely unacceptable.  If done once, Kid does not get a second chance.

No, my kids were not saints, and we had to leave the local park more than a few times.

Yeah, I have to agree with this.  2 chances to hurt another child?  No way.  One time and that's it.

Knitterly

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Re: Pushy kid- Literally
« Reply #35 on: July 09, 2013, 11:53:28 AM »

I disagree.  IMO pushing/hitting is completely unacceptable.  If done once, Kid does not get a second chance.

No, my kids were not saints, and we had to leave the local park more than a few times.

Yeah, I have to agree with this.  2 chances to hurt another child?  No way.  One time and that's it.

I'm sure you did not mean that as judgementally as it sounded. 

Different children of different ages need different tactics to help them learn to respond appropriately to a situation.

Tactics that work for a 5 year old will fail on a 3 year old.  Tactics that work on a 3 year old may not work on a child under two (as mine is).

You can respond loudly and firmly to an older child who is not your own while those same words and tone will make a toddler cry (and surely those of you advocating for yelling at the child in the OP wouldn't want to be responsible for making a toddler cry).  You can ground a 10 year old, or take away a 5 year old's toys, where neither tactic would work on a child under two.

You could leave a park with a 3 year old, where such a tactic would fall flat with a younger child who wouldn't have a clue how the consequences fit the action, since they hadn't been TOLD first and given a chance not to repeat the behaviour.  And anyway, it's not two more chances to hit a child, it's two chances total.  Tell once, and after a second offence then leave.  Meaning, she has a chance to realize her behaviour wasn't right and not do it again.

Hitting isn't the same as hurting when we're talking about toddlers who are essentially still babies.  I used my own child as an example because she is similar in age to the child in the OP.  I used my own child as an example of how different parents parent differently and even otherwise good children can hit because it's an action extremely common to this age group.

I'm sorry, but if another parent yelled at my toddler because she misbehaved and i was standing right there and had already corrected her verbally, you'd better believe I'd be seething inside.  I cannot imagine a faster way to offend someone and put a sharp end to a budding friendship.

A vast majority of toddlers hit.  So long as the parent is doing and saying something, yelling at the child is enormously out of line.  I cannot stress how incredibly rude it would be to raise your voice at another parent's TODDLER because you think the parent didn't correct them firmly enough.

Teach your OWN child to defend themselves, teach your OWN child to raise their hands in protection and say "NO!" very loudly, let your OWN child know that they should never hit.  But taking it upon yourself to correct another TODDLER is inappropriate no matter how you slice it.

I'm rather appalled at some of the things being said here.
When Angel was 1.5 years old, another kid who was about 4, pushed her while they were climbing the stairs. I looked at him squarely in the eye and said, "Do NOT push her" very sternly. He never came near her again for the rest of playtime.

(cut)
This is so hugely different that it doesn't even fall into the same category as the OP's situation.  Your child was 18 months and the pusher was nearly three times her age, and presumably at least twice her size.  Further, they were climbing stairs.  Even further, this was clearly aggressive behaviour.

In the OP's situation, the pushing child is YOUNGER, presumably the same size or smaller, and is pushing by the OP's admission as a way to say "hi".  Meaning, not aggressive or creating a dangerous situation.

We're not talking about a child who is going out of their way to deliberately try to hurt another child.  We're talking about a child who doesn't know how to say hi, and a mother that the OP doesn't feel is doing enough.

But let's not forget, many parents don't discipline their children as firmly in public as they do in private out of fear of being judged.

Maybe the other mother recognizes that other parents have shunned her and is afraid how to respond such that the OP won't think she's a horrible, terrible mother with a horrible, terrible child?

OP, have you tried talking to the other mother since you posted this?  Maybe asking her if there's anything you can do to help the kids get along,  as others have suggested, would really work?  Especially if you want to develop any sort of rapport or friendship.