General Etiquette > Family and Children

Reduce contact with dad?


BG: I am my dad's only biologic child.  My mother and sister both died when I was in kindergarten.  He married a woman with a son and they both cross adopted us and adopted a baby at  birth.

That baby has grown up and gone to prison numerous times for severe problems such as stealing from my grandmother  and aunt, and drop issues.

My stopmother died about 4 years ago and my brother got out  prison about 3 years ago.  My  brother lives with and is supported by my

For the past year or so my younger brother was caring for my dad, who has severe cancer, but recently he did not take him  to a medically necessary procedure because he was mad at someone, tried to have 2 doctors declare him mentally incompetent, and forged papers with the agency that administers his pension to have the pension money diverted to a secret checking account.

My dad thinks of him as "poor YB (Younger brother)"  and blames his behavior on other things. 

My dad raised me to support him in his endeavors, but never put my interests or needs first, so I have been involved in helping to secure my fathers funds and healthcare along with my older brother who has power of attorney (I am alternate).  When I called him last eek to ask him about $1000 my brother had stolen (or so he told his girlfriend) to find out if this was a new event that needed to halted or was from the past events, he bean dipped and said he did not want to talk about it.  I kept pressing as I felt I needed to know if this was another stealing or if this was new l  be acted on, and needed to be acted on, and he told me to drop it.  I didn't and kept pressing until I found out it was from last month and was not new. 

My question is, can I, in good conscience, significantly reduce contact with my dad as he wants me to help him when the going gets tough SOMETIMES but not all the time.  I feel like a yoyo and a ping pong and it is very stressful.

First off, your OP is a bit confusing as I'm not sure which brother you are referring to often in the story, or who "he" refers to in some cases (brother 1? brother 2? dad?)

But ultimately, regardless, to answer your question, you can reduce contact with your dad for any reason, at any time. That's the beauty of being a free thinking adult. You can also sit down with him and spell out what you are willing to do and what you are willing to put up with and what you will not participate in, and what consequences certain actions or in-actions will have.

You indicated in your posting that your older brother is the primary person in charge of your father's affairs, so I am a little curious as to why you are the one doing the questioning of your dad, etc.  I would inform OB of all that you believe is happening and let him deal with all of those aspects.  Once that is done, it should free you up --and relieve you of the stress --from the type of interaction with your dad that you appear to want to avoid. 

This is a duplicate of your other thread.  Furthermore, it is more a relationship issue than etiquette.

Edited for typo.


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