Author Topic: You are scared? Ha ha! Facebook.  (Read 5543 times)

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alis

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You are scared? Ha ha! Facebook.
« on: July 05, 2013, 06:59:05 AM »
I belong to a local mom's group which has a Facebook page.

A woman's husband carpooled back with friends and was several hours late (without his phone) when she posted on her group that she was worried and if she should contact hospitals and what to do (she thought she had to wait 24 hours to call police).

She got a response from one... "hehe! Enjoy the free night to yourselff!!! (sic)"

Is it just me or is that incredibly rude? Even if someone is over-reacting (which is debatable but not the point), I felt bad for her to be minimized for that.

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Piratelvr1121

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Re: You are scared? Ha ha! Facebook.
« Reply #1 on: July 05, 2013, 08:22:40 AM »
That does seem to be trivializing it.  I think a better response might have been a gentle "He's probably stuck in traffic or got held up somewhere.  Watch a movie you wouldn't normally get to enjoy with him, indulge in a guilty pleasure while you wait!"
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Twik

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Re: You are scared? Ha ha! Facebook.
« Reply #2 on: July 05, 2013, 09:29:58 AM »
I would never trivialize anyone's worry over a loved one being several hours late. The message was extremely insensitive.
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Ceallach

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Re: You are scared? Ha ha! Facebook.
« Reply #3 on: July 05, 2013, 09:35:03 AM »
I don't think it's incredibly rude, no.    Definitely insensitive and possibly misreading the situation though.    I wonder if the woman's post to her came across more as "oh no hubby's not back yet, shall I send out a search party haha" type concern rather than legitimate fear.    I mean personally I'd assume traffic or similar if my husband were late, I wouldn't think it were a police worthy situation.   But that's just me. 

If the woman was genuinely concerned then I think trivializing her concerns instead of reassuring her gently was insensitive and a little unkind, but I don't know if it was really rude in this context.  It's not as if she was laughing at a serious emergency such as "your husbands in the hospital? Great you eg a night off! Yay!"   I think it was a badly written attempt at cheerful humor that obviously fell flat.
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Twik

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Re: You are scared? Ha ha! Facebook.
« Reply #4 on: July 05, 2013, 09:43:51 AM »
Ceallach, if you can stand having a loved one being missing for several hours, and not contactable, without imagining a million different horror situations - well, I'd love to have your steady nerves, because I can't make myself do that! My mind will insist on making me miserable with all sorts of terrors.

If we assume "several hours" is three or more (say, he was supposed to be home at 6, and it's now 9 pm), this would sound like more than traffic to me. And the prevalence of cellphones these days makes being out of contact even worse, because we're so used to being able to check on our loved ones whenever we want. Yes, there are plenty of scenarios that could cause someone to be this late that do not involve death or mayhem - but also a number which do. I think mocking someone who is really worried about a situation like this is cruel, and therefore rude. Giving reassurance that all is likely well is one thing - treating it like a big joke is another.
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Winterlight

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Re: You are scared? Ha ha! Facebook.
« Reply #5 on: July 05, 2013, 10:01:45 AM »
I think it's insensitive.
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Ceallach

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Re: You are scared? Ha ha! Facebook.
« Reply #6 on: July 05, 2013, 10:04:20 AM »
Ceallach, if you can stand having a loved one being missing for several hours, and not contactable, without imagining a million different horror situations - well, I'd love to have your steady nerves, because I can't make myself do that! My mind will insist on making me miserable with all sorts of terrors.

If we assume "several hours" is three or more (say, he was supposed to be home at 6, and it's now 9 pm), this would sound like more than traffic to me. And the prevalence of cellphones these days makes being out of contact even worse, because we're so used to being able to check on our loved ones whenever we want. Yes, there are plenty of scenarios that could cause someone to be this late that do not involve death or mayhem - but also a number which do. I think mocking someone who is really worried about a situation like this is cruel, and therefore rude. Giving reassurance that all is likely well is one thing - treating it like a big joke is another.

I'm not going to lie, I do imagine the worst, but I force myself to see logic and reason and acknowledge that those fears are irrational.  And try to distract myself.

My DH used to bicycle 40 kilometers each way for a weekend hobby, on roads through a major city, returning after dark.  There were definitely occasions where I wondered if he was in a ditch somewhere when he was delayed.  Sometimes dealing with a puncture in the pouring rain he just wasn't able to call and he couldn't hear the phone if I tried to call once he was riding.   

I'm not suggesting that the original lady wasn't entitled to her feelings, just that the second lady quite possibly misread the tone (easy to do online) or was attempting to be reassuring and failing miserably.   I think her comment was truly idiotic, both in content AND in execution, but not incredibly rude. 
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Ceallach

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Re: You are scared? Ha ha! Facebook.
« Reply #7 on: July 05, 2013, 10:18:46 AM »
Ok I just realized its perceived as rude because its mocking... If that's the case I do agree!  I was seeing it more as some silly flippant comment about having a hubby-break from a lady who can't spell.  But if she is seeing a lady in distress and mocking her for having to hang out alone whilst anxiously stressing about where her husband is? Then yes, that would be incredibly rude.  I think my scenario is more likely just because my own experience with mommy boards is that they're very self centred.  If one mom posts that her baby is suddenly eating every hour, at least one other will be all "I wish I could get Sally to eat that often! We have to practically force her right now!!"   And vice versa.    So I could totally see Mom #1 anxious over husband being delayed and Mom #2 thinking "A night off from hubby? Awesome! I wish my husband wasn't home....".   Hence I was thinking self-centred flippancy, not deliberate mocking.   (I dislike both, for the record!)
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NyaChan

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Re: You are scared? Ha ha! Facebook.
« Reply #8 on: July 05, 2013, 10:29:05 AM »
Maybe I'm just used to it because my dad has a tendency to go to lunch and not come back for 4 hours (lunch turns into, "hmm I wonder if there are any new products at the home improvement store. Let's go aisle by aisle and look!" but while I wouldn't have been as alarmed as the woman was, I wouldn't have posted that message.  I have a feeling that the poster was probably going for "Well, don't worry too much yet since it is only a few hours.  In the meantime, enjoy having some free time" but did not realize that there really could have been something wrong.  If a couple is used to more contact, than yes it could be worrisome for someone to suddenly go radio silent.

Slartibartfast

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Re: You are scared? Ha ha! Facebook.
« Reply #9 on: July 05, 2013, 11:22:51 AM »
One of my close friends only found out her husband was in the ICU because he didn't show up and she had to start calling hospitals.  (He was in a coma for several months and still has significant brain injury - motorcycle accident.)  I wouldn't find that "joke" funny at all.

guihong

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Re: You are scared? Ha ha! Facebook.
« Reply #10 on: July 05, 2013, 11:31:56 AM »
My husband didn't show up from work after his midnight shift last year.  He was nearly killed in an accident and had been airlifted to the hospital.  I had called work, and they said he left as usual.  Then the hospital called me.  So before the accident I might have found it funny, not anymore.



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Re: You are scared? Ha ha! Facebook.
« Reply #11 on: July 05, 2013, 11:40:19 AM »
See, i had a completely different read on this situation.  Depending on the relationship of the moms, and what kind of venting they may do about their husbands...the original anxious post might have been misinterpreted as a PA way of complaining about the husband going off with his friends for an unscheduled diversion at a club/bar, whatever.

FB just lends itself to all kinds of misinterpretion, and if the anxious poster was offended, she should address it privately and directly with the flippant replyer.  I am learning as I get older that flippancy is just never a good idea.
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Harriet Jones

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Re: You are scared? Ha ha! Facebook.
« Reply #12 on: July 05, 2013, 11:54:43 AM »
That's a pretty thoughtless comment.  I'm hoping it was just that the commenter misread the tone of the original post.


Sharnita

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Re: You are scared? Ha ha! Facebook.
« Reply #13 on: July 05, 2013, 12:47:30 PM »
It seems like an ill-advised remark to me.  That being said, I think personal experience probably has a lot to do with the lens we see the comment through.  Know a friend or family member who is commonly 4 hours late - it might not seem that insensitive. Live in an area where traffic might make you 3 or even 4 hours late - again, the comment seems cheerfully encouraging or lighthearted.  If you live in an area where somebody could freeze  to death in 3 or 4 hours if the slid off the road or if you know somebody who has had a late night call to tell them a loved one has been killed driving home - the comment seems callous and cruel. 

It is even possible that as worried as the woman was she knew the personal context the friend was speaking from and was not hurt. Or maybe it severely damaged or even completely destroyed their friendship. 

Surianne

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Re: You are scared? Ha ha! Facebook.
« Reply #14 on: July 05, 2013, 01:36:26 PM »
I don't think it's incredibly rude, no.    Definitely insensitive and possibly misreading the situation though.    I wonder if the woman's post to her came across more as "oh no hubby's not back yet, shall I send out a search party haha" type concern rather than legitimate fear.    I mean personally I'd assume traffic or similar if my husband were late, I wouldn't think it were a police worthy situation.   But that's just me. 

Yeah, my feeling here is that the person didn't realize the post was serious, and was trying to joke back.  I wouldn't jump straight to assuming the poster was being mocking, especially because I don't usually see my friends posting about serious fears on Facebook; normally we use it for goofing around.