Post #22106 in Special Snowflakes got me thinking.
Hypothetically, what with me being already married and never ever, ever wanting to have anything to do with planing or being involved in another wedding every again (don't ask ) Is it rude to plan a Dutch wedding?
Adam and Eve are in love and decide to get married. They are totally broke, but for many reasons still want to get married.
They are happy to just go and see a JoP/registrar and have parents as witnesses. People keep telling them what a shame it is they are not having a "wedding" and how much they want to share the day with them.
So the question.
Would it be rude to tell people.
"We are getting married at x time on y date and then going for a meal at z restaurant. We
can't afford a are not having a reception but if you want to call the restaurant and join our group you can. It's xx:xx time. restaurant is happy to add people to our table or if you prefer sit us near each other. They have said they will do individual checks for people.(maybe not this) If you feel like coming along we will see you there." (assuming they find a restaurant happy to do this.)
or alternatively a nicer idea might me (weather permitting)
"we are getting married at x time on y date and having a picnic at the park at xx:xx time. Feel free to bring a picnic with you and join us. "
I think both of these are ok as long as no formal invites or done and it's word of mouth.
what do you think?
What I think is that Adam and Eve would be entitled to say something like "We really aren't up to throwing a party, but if you wanted to, that would be cool," if they felt they were being pressured to have a larger wedding and reception because other people wanted to go to a party. Or to say frankly that they just didn't want the foofaraw, whether or not money was a reason.
Beyond that, I think it depends on whether Adam and Eve are doing the just-the-JP thing because they're totally broke or for some other reason. It would absolutely be okay to keep repeating "thanks, but we're having the wedding we want," especially if they are broke and not big on throwing parties anyhow, so they were relieved to realize that it made financial sense to just go to the JP with their parents.
I'm assuming here that their parents don't want the excuse to throw a big party: I don't think a bride or groom's parents are responsible for paying for a wedding, but they certainly could have said "we'll be happy as long as we get to see you married, but if you want a larger wedding we'd be delighted to host" and then said what they were willing/able to spend.
If the people getting married want to have a party and are too broke, then the picnic idea makes sense: if you can afford your own restaurant meals, you can afford the pitcher of lemonade and cookies to share around. I have been to a potluck wedding, and if anyone thought it was an inappropriate idea, I didn't hear about it (they may have quietly declined the invitation, of course). This wasn't a social group where people tended to have fancy or expensive parties; it was more "we're having people over on Saturday if you're free" and guests contributed drinks or snacks, and it was okay to ask about bringing another friend along.
I'm not sure why that feels reasonable and "we will be at restaurant X, you will have to buy your own meal" doesn't; maybe the levels of formality don't match?