Author Topic: Boyfriend's Ex MIL  (Read 5709 times)

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AffirmedHope

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Boyfriend's Ex MIL
« on: July 10, 2013, 03:27:52 PM »
So my boyfriend's ex-MIL has decided to send me a friend request on Facebook. For the moment it's just sitting there in my friend request box but what should I do?

<bg>I have absolutely NO desire to be friends or be friendly with this woman (or her daughter.) She has treated my BF like total crap since he split from her daughter (it was mutual) and prying her nose into things that have nothing to do with her (oh the lovely Facebook messages and texts she had sent to him) and from what I've seen, is just NOT.A.NICE.PERSON.

Her and her daughter need to pry into everyone's personal lives and get information that they have no business knowing. When we first started dating, I heard his ex questioning him on the phone about me and I told him he better stop telling her information that she has absolutely no business knowing. (How much my car cost. Where I work. Really?)

Questions about how I interact with her son and if I'm a felon, yes I understand, but anything not pertaining to how I treat her son or if I'm a danger to his safety, I feel is off limits. He did finally tell her to cut it out with her ridiculous questioning and if she wanted to know all this so badly she can just ask me herself.</bg>

I have said a grand total of two words to this women (the MIL) since BF and I started dating and the only reason he still interacts with her is because of the kid, even so it's only a very very limited basis (such as dropping off or picking up the child off at MIL house instead of the ex.). I can see her wanting to add me because she might think I post photos of her grand kid on my page, but the one time I did, I tagged BF in the photos so it showed up on his page, and she could see it there since she is friends with him. I don't normally post pictures of his kid on my page because I feel as though it is not my place to do so. She might use the grand kid as an excuse but it's clearly just a way for her to pry some more and be nosy. BF thinks it's weird as well but does not know what I should do either.

Thoughts? Should I just let it sit there? Accept? Reject it? The only problem with rejecting is that I can see my BF getting crap from both of them about it. (Though he does have a spine and will have no issue telling them exactly where they can go and voice their concerns.)

cwm

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Re: Boyfriend's Ex MIL
« Reply #1 on: July 10, 2013, 03:38:42 PM »
Let it sit there. Honestly, I've got about 20 friend requests pending. I haven't taken the step of denying them because I don't want to deal with the fallout of it. But don't feel pressured to accept it. Your life is none of her business. And if she ever brings it up, just say you must have overlooked it. Then beandip. Don't mention that you'll continue to overlook it. I don't see her pressuring you on it in public for it, simply because it sounds like you don't really interact much in person.

LazyDaisy

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Re: Boyfriend's Ex MIL
« Reply #2 on: July 10, 2013, 03:50:14 PM »
Mostly I would recommend letting it sit too. But if it causes trouble with the BF, you can create a list and severely limit what she can see. I think BF should do that too, or unfriend. I just don't understand keeping ties with ex's or family of ex's, but that's me. It's like having a sip of milk, finding it's gone sour, and putting it back in the refrigerator.
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White Lotus

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Re: Boyfriend's Ex MIL
« Reply #3 on: July 10, 2013, 03:53:23 PM »
I don't even see a "deny" option on FB friend requests any more.  It's "add" or "not now" (or similar). I'd love to just deny the people I don't know and all the commercial sites.  Just ignore it.  If questioned, you can say, "I don't check that."  Maybe even add, "Where is it?"  Since FB is always changing, and maybe all of this my particular app, you can even make the first so, and the second will probably be true by the time you answer the question.  Which you only need do if asked.

AffirmedHope

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Re: Boyfriend's Ex MIL
« Reply #4 on: July 10, 2013, 04:01:26 PM »
Mostly I would recommend letting it sit too. But if it causes trouble with the BF, you can create a list and severely limit what she can see. I think BF should do that too, or unfriend. I just don't understand keeping ties with ex's or family of ex's, but that's me. It's like having a sip of milk, finding it's gone sour, and putting it back in the refrigerator.

I think the limited posts list is what I'll have him do. Him and his ex keep in touch on FB because of their son (like seeing pictures of him doing this or that.) He has told me though that he's probably going to delete ex-MIL, because of the very reason you stated. I'll just let her sit in my inbox, but I'm sure as soon as he deletes her, she'll withdraw the request lol.

JenJay

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Re: Boyfriend's Ex MIL
« Reply #5 on: July 10, 2013, 04:22:28 PM »
I'd ignore it. If she complains to your BF about it have him say "You don't need to be FB friends with AffirmedHope. She uses the site to keep in touch with friends and you don't even know her." and then he should delete her, too.

MrTango

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Re: Boyfriend's Ex MIL
« Reply #6 on: July 10, 2013, 04:22:52 PM »
Just block her entirely and be done with it.

There is absolutely no etiquette rule that requires a person to ever accept a friend request from anyone.  As the owner of your Facebook account, you are absolutely free to accept or reject any request at your sole discretion.

Outdoor Girl

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Re: Boyfriend's Ex MIL
« Reply #7 on: July 10, 2013, 04:53:21 PM »
I'm in the block camp, too.  Don't set yourself up to have any more contact with this woman than absolutely necessary. 
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PastryGoddess

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Re: Boyfriend's Ex MIL
« Reply #8 on: July 10, 2013, 05:49:58 PM »
Block it.  If you don't want to be friends with her, then don't.  Stop giving her head space she doesn't deserve.

sammycat

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Re: Boyfriend's Ex MIL
« Reply #9 on: July 10, 2013, 07:01:14 PM »
Block her totally.

I doubt she's after pics of the grandchild. She's after info about you and your bf. The woman sounds a bit unhinged quite frankly. Don't give her any ammo or info.

Isometric

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Re: Boyfriend's Ex MIL
« Reply #10 on: July 10, 2013, 07:22:34 PM »
I would also ignore it. If you do feel you have to accept, you can customize privacy settings so she only sees minimal information. But I agree, she's just trying to be nosy.


kherbert05

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Re: Boyfriend's Ex MIL
« Reply #11 on: July 10, 2013, 08:21:59 PM »
I am in the block camp. I blocked older niece's Mom and other maternal family members. When her Mom sent me a friend request, I knew she was just looking for dirt to use against Bil and Sis. (She had previously used the fact I took Niece out for the day as an argument to cut BIL's visitation.)
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PastryGoddess

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Re: Boyfriend's Ex MIL
« Reply #12 on: July 10, 2013, 08:24:35 PM »
Why do you (general) feel the need to accept any/all friend requests?

I truly want to know the answer to this question.  Everyone uses facebook differently and everyone seems to have this issue.  What do you do if someone tries to friend you on facebook and you don't want to.  I have just seen so many questions about this. 

If this needs to be moved onto it's own thread, I'm happy to do so.

ladyknight1

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Re: Boyfriend's Ex MIL
« Reply #13 on: July 10, 2013, 08:47:46 PM »
I only accept fb friend requests if I know the person and want them to have access to my information.

I would never accept a request from someone I did not like.

AffirmedHope

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Re: Boyfriend's Ex MIL
« Reply #14 on: July 10, 2013, 09:13:35 PM »
Why do you (general) feel the need to accept any/all friend requests?

I truly want to know the answer to this question.  Everyone uses facebook differently and everyone seems to have this issue.  What do you do if someone tries to friend you on facebook and you don't want to.  I have just seen so many questions about this. 

If this needs to be moved onto it's own thread, I'm happy to do so.

Normally, I have no issue accepting or rejecting a person. But the sensitivity of this issue (as in, her being sorta crazzyyy, and me not wanting to cause grief for the BF) is what has me asking this question. Due to her, umm, fragile state of mind (the person who called her unhinged has it pretty spot on, about both the mother and daughter) I thought sitting on it and getting some advice might be sufficient. I think at the moment, I'm just going to let her sit there, as to not create any drama for my BF whenever he picks up his son. If she asks him (or me) I'll do the bean dip approach!  ;D