Author Topic: Boyfriend's Ex MIL  (Read 5334 times)

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sammycat

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Re: Boyfriend's Ex MIL
« Reply #15 on: July 10, 2013, 09:32:36 PM »
I only accept fb friend requests if I know the person and want them to have access to my information.

I would never accept a request from someone I did not like.

This is my approach too. Basically, if I don't know (general) you, or like you, I'm not going to give you access to my life/info.

PastryGoddess

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Re: Boyfriend's Ex MIL
« Reply #16 on: July 10, 2013, 10:47:00 PM »
She's going to create drama over not being friended on facebook? What is she going to do?  If she says something to your BF he can just ignore her. 

Drama only works if there are people feeding into it. Otherwise they just look crazy

Camarynne

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Re: Boyfriend's Ex MIL
« Reply #17 on: July 10, 2013, 11:14:29 PM »
Don't do it. Even if you have your facebook profile locked up tightly, once you add her as a friend she will have some level of access to your friends and family and not all of them will most likely have their privacy settings set to allow to friends only (many people leave it set to "friends of friends" so she could conceivably see things that other people post, and comment on them.)

And you can't depend totally on privacy settings and blocking. I was in a private, closed group. Those posts do not show up to anyone except the people who are in the group.  Your friends do not see them, though they can see that you are in that group.

Somehow, some way, a person on my restricted list on Facebook saw a post I had made and confronted me about it. The restricted list is basically a list of people who are not allowed to see anything that you post on Facebook, but can still be on your friends list.  That is supposed to be impossible.  And no, we did not have any mutual contacts in that group...it is a highly specialized group.

 Facebook isn't that dependable.  They also change privacy settings from time to time and even they are advising people of this right now with the total rollout of Graph Search. 
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Jones

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Re: Boyfriend's Ex MIL
« Reply #18 on: July 11, 2013, 08:10:50 AM »
If you block her you won't be able to see each other on FB anymore. At all. No postings you put on others' walls, no listing in a friends group. If she corners you in public you can claim you canceled the account.

Y'know, if you need to.

AffirmedHope

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Re: Boyfriend's Ex MIL
« Reply #19 on: July 11, 2013, 10:39:38 AM »
She's going to create drama over not being friended on facebook? What is she going to do?  If she says something to your BF he can just ignore her. 

Drama only works if there are people feeding into it. Otherwise they just look crazy

Yes, this woman (and her daughter) are that crazy. I won't go into details but the things that they have accused my BF of and done themselves during the divorce and custody battle are absolutely insane, so crazy, that the ex realized (after some back and forth between the lawyers) how all these terrible things she did and said would cause serious issues for her if it did go in front of a judge, and started begging my ex to try to come to an agreement out of court because of the evidence against her.

They would for sure cause him some grief over this because they are just that petty. I just find it funny how they say and ask stuff about me to HIM but whenever I happen to be with him when he interacts with him they don't ask these things themselves and act like my best friends. Very superficial. They are both a real piece of work.

She's just going to chill in my inbox for the moment as to not ruffle any feathers for the BF at the moment. I told him if she asks him about it to just play dumb like he doesn't know what she's talking about and ask her to tell me myself.  >:D

Twik

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Re: Boyfriend's Ex MIL
« Reply #20 on: July 11, 2013, 10:41:28 AM »
If she's going to create drama over you not friending her on Facebook, can you imagine the drama she'll create if you do?
My cousin's memoir of love and loneliness while raising a child with multiple disabilities will be out on Amazon soon! Know the Night, by Maria Mutch, has been called "full of hope, light, and companionship for surviving the small hours of the night."

Shoo

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Re: Boyfriend's Ex MIL
« Reply #21 on: July 11, 2013, 10:51:27 AM »
This person is a "nothing" in your life.  She isn't your family, she isn't your friend.  You'd only be friending her in the hopes that she doesn't create upset in your BF's life? 

That is not the kind of person I would want anything at all to do with. No way would I accept this friend request.  The only thing I *would* do is block her, so she could never see me on FB.  In real life, being questioned like that would be so rude, and doesn't require an answer.  Your BF needs to deal with her, you don't.

AffirmedHope

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Re: Boyfriend's Ex MIL
« Reply #22 on: July 11, 2013, 11:05:57 AM »
If she's going to create drama over you not friending her on Facebook, can you imagine the drama she'll create if you do?

Exactly my thoughts. I can already see the inquisition to BF by the ex because mommy told her about something I posted. I just find it hilarious her MOTHER requested me but she herself has not sent a request!

kansha

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Re: Boyfriend's Ex MIL
« Reply #23 on: July 11, 2013, 11:32:35 AM »
i'm not sure if this is still true, but does having an unanswered friend request sitting allow that person to see your wall etc?

MrTango

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Re: Boyfriend's Ex MIL
« Reply #24 on: July 11, 2013, 12:16:57 PM »
i'm not sure if this is still true, but does having an unanswered friend request sitting allow that person to see your wall etc?

Until the request is actually accepted, the requestor can still only see information that the requestee has made visible to the public.

EllenS

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Re: Boyfriend's Ex MIL
« Reply #25 on: July 11, 2013, 12:41:35 PM »
Letting it sit there as long as you want is a perfectly fine way to handle it (or not handle it).
Personally, I would just block her so I didn't have to keep seeing her request there.

BF's answer if asked: "I wouldn't know about that. I don't run AffirmedHope's Facebook account, she does."

A possible answer for you: "It's so kind of you to take an interest, but I only use Facebook for a small circle of very close friends. Did I tell you about the adorable thing Grandkid did the other day...(beandip).?"

DaDancingPsych

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Re: Boyfriend's Ex MIL
« Reply #26 on: July 16, 2013, 09:51:54 AM »
I see no good coming from accepting this request. If she is looking for more pictures of her grandchild, then share them with your boyfriend and allow him to share them with her. I suspect that this is NOT the reason the request came, though.

I would likely let the request sit there. I have done this with several people myself. I would then tell boyfriend about the request only because ex-MIL is likely to question him why you have not accepted. An appropriate answer should be developed ("She only friends people she is close with.") and repeat as necessary.

I posted about an invitation I got from the ex-husband of an old friend. I had not spoken to him in quite some time (and they were married then) and in fact, had only just gotten back in touch with the friend. They had gone through a divorce, but I did not know the details. e-Hellions encouraged me to NOT friend him, but I didn't listen. After friending him, I got one message and it was a rant about how my friend had treated him terribly. I immediately unfriended and learned my lesson. While our situations are not the same, I really see a similar outcome for you... just don't friend!

Twik

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Re: Boyfriend's Ex MIL
« Reply #27 on: July 16, 2013, 10:14:31 AM »
I think it's quite obvious she wants to be your "friend" so that she can check up on you and, if possible, dig for dirt.

There is no good that can come of this. The drama from "you won't friend me, wahhh!" is nothing compared to "I saw a picture of you with a beverage in hand. You must be an alcoholic! You can't be around my grandchild!"
My cousin's memoir of love and loneliness while raising a child with multiple disabilities will be out on Amazon soon! Know the Night, by Maria Mutch, has been called "full of hope, light, and companionship for surviving the small hours of the night."

Shoo

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Re: Boyfriend's Ex MIL
« Reply #28 on: July 16, 2013, 10:42:25 AM »
I think it's quite obvious she wants to be your "friend" so that she can check up on you and, if possible, dig for dirt.

There is no good that can come of this. The drama from "you won't friend me, wahhh!" is nothing compared to "I saw a picture of you with a beverage in hand. You must be an alcoholic! You can't be around my grandchild!"

Yup.

LadyClaire

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Re: Boyfriend's Ex MIL
« Reply #29 on: July 17, 2013, 09:38:09 AM »
I think it's quite obvious she wants to be your "friend" so that she can check up on you and, if possible, dig for dirt.

There is no good that can come of this. The drama from "you won't friend me, wahhh!" is nothing compared to "I saw a picture of you with a beverage in hand. You must be an alcoholic! You can't be around my grandchild!"

Agreed.

You don't have to friend someone if you don't want to. I ignored a friend request from my own MIL because I didn't want her having access to any of my information, since she's a terrible gossip with zero boundaries. I figured the drama of not friending her was far less than the drama she could stir up by having access to my wall.