Author Topic: S/O Am I a Bad Mom? When to cut the apron strings  (Read 10779 times)

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*inviteseller

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Re: S/O Am I a Bad Mom? When to cut the apron strings
« Reply #75 on: July 22, 2013, 04:54:12 PM »
Guess who wants to come home?

Outdoor Girl

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Re: S/O Am I a Bad Mom? When to cut the apron strings
« Reply #76 on: July 22, 2013, 04:55:30 PM »
LOL.  There's a shocker... NOT.

Good luck.
I have CDO.  It is like OCD but with the letters in alphabetical order, as they should be.
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ladyknight1

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Re: S/O Am I a Bad Mom? When to cut the apron strings
« Reply #77 on: July 22, 2013, 05:05:13 PM »
Hold on to your tiara. Does GF want to come too?

*inviteseller

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Re: S/O Am I a Bad Mom? When to cut the apron strings
« Reply #78 on: July 22, 2013, 05:09:23 PM »
Oh nononononononono ladyknight..she is NOT allowed on my property.  I let the first instance of disrespect in my home slide, but it happened again, and then she lied to my face.  Nope, nada, uhuh, nyet..

cwm

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Re: S/O Am I a Bad Mom? When to cut the apron strings
« Reply #79 on: July 22, 2013, 05:56:14 PM »
Just a piece of advice from a daughter who's come home. Write up a...well, not a rental agreement, but a basic agreement as to what her responsibilities will be and what the consequences will be if she fails to live up to them. Have her sign it so you can point to it as a physical reminder of what she's got to do to hold up to her end of the bargain. I had to agree to do X hours of work in the house every week or I'd have to pay my mother a weekly amount of money for my car payment. If I did one hour under the weekly amount, I still had to pay. I guarantee you I worked my butt off because I didn't have the money, and I needed to keep the car. And I didn't resent her one bit for it, she was making sure I wasn't being the slacker I wanted to be.

Dazi

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Re: S/O Am I a Bad Mom? When to cut the apron strings
« Reply #80 on: July 22, 2013, 06:36:11 PM »
Well that didn't last long.  I'm Soooo shocked.  :P
Meditate. Live purely. Quiet the mind. Do your work with mastery. Like the moon, come out from behind the clouds! Shine. ---Gautama Buddah





NyaChan

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Re: S/O Am I a Bad Mom? When to cut the apron strings
« Reply #81 on: July 22, 2013, 07:01:20 PM »
Just a piece of advice from a daughter who's come home. Write up a...well, not a rental agreement, but a basic agreement as to what her responsibilities will be and what the consequences will be if she fails to live up to them. Have her sign it so you can point to it as a physical reminder of what she's got to do to hold up to her end of the bargain. I had to agree to do X hours of work in the house every week or I'd have to pay my mother a weekly amount of money for my car payment. If I did one hour under the weekly amount, I still had to pay. I guarantee you I worked my butt off because I didn't have the money, and I needed to keep the car. And I didn't resent her one bit for it, she was making sure I wasn't being the slacker I wanted to be.

I think having house rules is a good idea if you are letting her live at your house again.  It doesn't seem like you'd have trouble enforcing consequences if necessary either, but being firm will be good, not just for your older DD to learn, but for your younger daughter to see as well. 

*inviteseller

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Re: S/O Am I a Bad Mom? When to cut the apron strings
« Reply #82 on: July 22, 2013, 08:35:41 PM »
We just got off the phone..she wants to come home, but she is throwing her own roadblocks up.  She said she just knows I won't let her do anythiiiiing.  I told her that she has to go to school, clean up after herself, and respect the household members.  She can go out whenever, but she can't treat this as her own hotel and I will want her to occasionally watch her sister so I can go do something for myself (a rare event actually).  She wants to prove herself, but I told her she isn't quite ready for that yet, so why not take advantage of free room and board and hot meals while she gets herself ready.

ladyknight1

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Re: S/O Am I a Bad Mom? When to cut the apron strings
« Reply #83 on: July 22, 2013, 08:36:24 PM »
Oh nononononononono ladyknight..she is NOT allowed on my property.  I let the first instance of disrespect in my home slide, but it happened again, and then she lied to my face.  Nope, nada, uhuh, nyet..

Oh, that was probably a big reason for DD1 to leave then. I would definitely recommend a written agreement for her to live with you again.

*inviteseller

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Re: S/O Am I a Bad Mom? When to cut the apron strings
« Reply #84 on: July 22, 2013, 09:07:08 PM »
The gf was the only reason she left.

bopper

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Re: S/O Am I a Bad Mom? When to cut the apron strings
« Reply #85 on: July 23, 2013, 11:02:56 AM »
Reminds me of this old chestnut:


bopper

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Re: S/O Am I a Bad Mom? When to cut the apron strings
« Reply #86 on: July 23, 2013, 11:21:34 AM »
My brother was living with us for a while while he was going to school. He did some chores in lieu of rent.  But the deal was he could stay with us while he was going to school...but he had a similar issue as someone above  where he got sick, missed some classes, dropped out....and then we had to tell him that if he was going to be working and not going to school then that is what he wanted to do with his life so he would need to find a place.

pendragon1980

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Re: S/O Am I a Bad Mom? When to cut the apron strings
« Reply #87 on: July 23, 2013, 11:44:18 AM »
Invite, as a person who was the daughter in this story at one point, I applaud you.

I had alot of mental health problems and my "moving out" was going to live in the dorms. I spiraled down and attempted suicide.

I moved back in with my mom and she laid down the law. I either had to go to school fulltime and work parttime or vice versa. I had to help out around the house and pay "my" bills (car, fun money)

At the time, I hated her for it but now, some years down the road I realized her tough love steered me to be a better, more responsible person.

Your daughter may not appreciate it now, but in a few years when she sees how you probably saved her, she will.

bopper

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Re: S/O Am I a Bad Mom? When to cut the apron strings
« Reply #88 on: July 24, 2013, 09:58:18 AM »

*inviteseller

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Re: S/O Am I a Bad Mom? When to cut the apron strings
« Reply #89 on: July 24, 2013, 01:10:11 PM »
I love that Bopper!!!  That is right up there with the principal who, in his graduation speech, told the kids "You're not special." 

She has decided, even though she only has a few clothes with her, never has anything to eat, no money, no job, and is miserable, she is not coming home.  My dad always says I'm stubborn..I can't hold a candle to her!!!!