Author Topic: S/O Am I a Bad Mom? When to cut the apron strings  (Read 12852 times)

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cwm

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Re: S/O Am I a Bad Mom? When to cut the apron strings
« Reply #90 on: July 24, 2013, 01:54:12 PM »
Well coming home would involve RULES and BOUNDARIES and DOING THINGS.

Also, she'd have to live with a horrible person who wouldn't put up with her lazing about or her SO. And they're in LUUUUUVE, don't you know. Twu wuv will sort everything out. This is just a small bump on her journey to greatness.


Or, back in the real world, someday she'll catch a clue and come back or work to earn her keep.

siamesecat2965

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Re: S/O Am I a Bad Mom? When to cut the apron strings
« Reply #91 on: July 24, 2013, 02:02:54 PM »
I love that Bopper!!!  That is right up there with the principal who, in his graduation speech, told the kids "You're not special." 

She has decided, even though she only has a few clothes with her, never has anything to eat, no money, no job, and is miserable, she is not coming home.  My dad always says I'm stubborn..I can't hold a candle to her!!!!

I LOVED that speech. I thought it was awesome. and so very true. When I was a kid, oh, you didn't win or place in some event or competition, that was that. Being someone who was completely (and still is) uncoordinated, I wasn' very good. but they'd tell me I still did well, which helped. NOw, everyone gets a ribbon or trophy.

She may figure out the rules and such at home are better, eventually, but i suspect it may take some time.

Outdoor Girl

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Re: S/O Am I a Bad Mom? When to cut the apron strings
« Reply #92 on: July 24, 2013, 02:04:57 PM »
OT and re:  A (stubborn) parent calling their child stubborn

My Mom and I got into a heated argument.  I was not going to lose this argument.  It involved more work for me but it was how I wanted something done.  My Mom finally got fed up and just said, 'Diety, you're stubborn.'  A heartbeat later, I turned to her, smiled, and said, 'I learned from the best'.  She harumphed; my Dad cracked up.

She's been gone 10 years now and I've discovered that she actually wasn't the most stubborn one.  That would be my Dad.  But it was somehow masked when she was alive.  I'm now fighting with my Dad to get him to pay for somebody to come in and do some of the routine chores needed around the house and property so he can stay in the house.  If not, he's going to have to move to somewhere more manageable.  He keeps saying, 'But those are all things I can do for myself.'  'Yes, yes they are.  But you are wearing yourself out doing them.  Hire somebody so you have the energy left to do the things you like to do.  You dummy.'  OK, I left the last two words off.   :)

*inviteseller, I agree with the others who've suggested having a firm list of house rules when she does come back, with consequences clearly outlined.  With her phone being cut off tomorrow, I have a feeling she's going to change her mind.  Again.
I have CDO.  It is like OCD but with the letters in alphabetical order, as they should be.
Ontario

*inviteseller

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Re: S/O Am I a Bad Mom? When to cut the apron strings
« Reply #93 on: September 06, 2013, 08:09:19 PM »
**UPDATE***

Forgot about this thread..but she came home almost 2 weeks ago.  She had been trying to work up the nerve to get home for almost a month, finally she decided to just leave, mostly because she wanted to spend time with my dad (she had a week with him before he passed).  She is going to take her GED test in 2 weeks, she is applying for jobs and she is looking into Vet Tech school.  While she is still an extreme slob to live with, it is nice having her home.  She is also happy and the only thing we have words about is her inability to clean up after herself.  She is not planning on going anywhere until she has her act together (I asked id she was thinking her 40's  hahahaha) but I am happy!

jpcher

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Re: S/O Am I a Bad Mom? When to cut the apron strings
« Reply #94 on: September 06, 2013, 08:33:35 PM »
*inviteseller -- that is the most wonderful update that I've ever heard on this site. I teared up reading that post.


You are an awesome mom for sticking to your guns. I don't think that I would have had the tough-love ability in me. You persevered and won your daughter back. I bet she respects you a whole lot more now, instead of trying to take advantage of you.

You win the internet this year! ;D




Thanks for the update.

chibichan

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Re: S/O Am I a Bad Mom? When to cut the apron strings
« Reply #95 on: September 06, 2013, 08:52:10 PM »
Reminds me of this old chestnut:




Hahahahaha...I remember that poster . It was prominently displayed on my parents' refrigerator when I was in High School .  ;D
The key to avoiding trouble is to learn to recognize it from a distance.

PastryGoddess

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Re: S/O Am I a Bad Mom? When to cut the apron strings
« Reply #96 on: September 06, 2013, 09:53:28 PM »
Am I wrong for cackling when I saw that update OP :)

TootsNYC

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Re: S/O Am I a Bad Mom? When to cut the apron strings
« Reply #97 on: September 06, 2013, 10:00:06 PM »
or to call me in the am to give me a pharmacy number and I would call the DR to have an inhaler called in for her.


Perhaps "Here is your doctor's phone number; you can call them with your pharmacy's number, and they'll call a prescription in to the store for you to pick up."

By volunteering to call her doctor, you were sending the message that her health is *your* responsibility. You were tying the apron strings on, not cutting them.

Telling our children [people who don't know, bcs some adults might not realize this either] how the world works is part of our job at every age. And it's something we might do for a total stranger.

But the real thing you should do is hang up on her and stop listening to her whine.
Oh, and be amazed! "What do you mean, I'm doing nothing to help you? This is your life. It's your body. It's your doctor. I'm sorry you feel crappy, but you have the ways at your disposal to deal with it. I'm not going to sit her and listen to you feel sorry for yourself. Gotta go!" <click>


W/ my DD, I've realized that she was relying on me to make dentist appointments, etc., and she didn't realize she needed to allow for follow-up visits, etc. She's a rookie, and we used to do all that stuff for her.

I've been making sure all along that she has the info she needs--an address book w/ family addresses; a health notebook w/ info about her doctors in it; an insurance card to carry in her wallet.

It's just that sometimes I have knowledge she doesn't, simply because I've lived so long (I know that you need to hustle and get the first dentist appt., bcs if you need a cavity filled, they're not going to do it that day--but I had to learn that.

*inviteseller

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Re: S/O Am I a Bad Mom? When to cut the apron strings
« Reply #98 on: September 07, 2013, 08:23:47 AM »
Toots - I would never hang up on my kids if they called needing medical assistance.  Also, as this was just a few weeks after her 18th birthday, she had never called the Dr. before because he has a hard and fast rule that anyone under 18, the parents have to make all calls, set all appointments, and attend those appointments so, although she knew the Dr. and the office staff well, she had never done it before, thus the reason I gave her the choices of how to do it and what she was most comfortable with.  She has bronchitis (again) and took care of calling the Dr. yesterday, setting her own appointment and getting the meds (although she had a co pay issue I talked her through).  Yes, she moved out thinking she was an adult and I did let her flounder on most counts, but I won't do that if she is sick.

PastryGoddess - I love hearing her tell people she is so glad to be home and what was she thinking leaving with no plans on how to live.  Makes me cackle too!

jpcher - It took a few years, but I have managed to figure out how to pick my battles.  I admit to thinking I was picking my battles with her correctly, but I was backing down too much on the things I really needed to be tougher on and was tough on things that should have just been ignored.  She has it figured out now that her threats and screaming fits do NOT phase me and she has a grudging respect for me.  We are starting to move from a child/parent relationship into a more adult relationship

ladyknight1

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Re: S/O Am I a Bad Mom? When to cut the apron strings
« Reply #99 on: September 07, 2013, 10:31:37 AM »
TY for being an awesome role model for all the moms on this forum!

BarensMom

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Re: S/O Am I a Bad Mom? When to cut the apron strings
« Reply #100 on: September 07, 2013, 12:51:39 PM »
*inviteseller, is the GF still in the picture?

*inviteseller

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Re: S/O Am I a Bad Mom? When to cut the apron strings
« Reply #101 on: September 07, 2013, 01:15:57 PM »
No other than constantly sending her messages trying to get her to talk to her.  It ended the night my father passed when she said "Well now you can move back".  That didn't go over well.

PastryGoddess

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Re: S/O Am I a Bad Mom? When to cut the apron strings
« Reply #102 on: September 08, 2013, 12:27:24 AM »
No other than constantly sending her messages trying to get her to talk to her.  It ended the night my father passed when she said "Well now you can move back".  That didn't go over well.

I can't imagine why 8) /sarcasm