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Author Topic: On what planet would this be OK? Minor update p#61  (Read 34287 times)

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Re: On what planet would this be OK?
« Reply #75 on: July 18, 2013, 10:22:30 PM »
Minor update: At the end of the little kids' practice today, I noticed the mom (from across the pool deck) and wanted to see what she did.  I watched and she went over to wait for her son to get done, and then I noticed that she was talking with the head coach for a while.  After that, she wandered over by the locker rooms and (yeah!) was yelling into the locker room through the vents/slats instead of going to the door.  (This is what I've been doing for years.)

So it looks like things are good for now.  I, of course, will still keep an eye on it.  I also learned that our president, who I contacted originally with the coach, doesn't really do anything.  There is someone else, who I've known for years, and she's in the process of assuming the role.  I told her about the whole situation (this was right before I saw the coach talking to the mom) and being the mother of a 16 year old boy, she was appropriately horrified when she thought of the woman walking in on her son.  She turned right around and was going to ask the pool staff to put up some signs.  I told her that the coach said she would talk to the mom, and she said she'd check with her first before she pursued the signs. 

Thanks for all of the good discussion and back up.

May I offer a general "thank you" to you on behalf of grown men who don't want a woman walking into the men's changing room?

Years ago, when my sons were much younger, we had a YMCA membership so we could go swimming there and so the boys could take swimming lessons there.

We usually scheduled our sons' lessons for the last lesson period right before the family swimming time.  A few minutes before the end ofthe lessons I would go to the men's changing room to change into my swimsuit so I could hop in the pool for family swim time.

One day, maybe fifteen or twenty seconds after I had pulled up my swimsuit, a 30 or 35 year old woman marched into the men's changing room with her 5 or 6 year old son and proceeded to help him change into his clothes.

I was upset.  I tried telling her to leave, but she replied to me in a foreign language (and would not leave).  I gathered up my clothing and went to complain to the manager.  The woman and son had left by the time I found the manager, and I never noticed them there again.

In your case, I'm glad you helped the woman who behaved inappropriately learn to change her behavior.  Your sons deserve to be able to change without a woman observing them.


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Re: On what planet would this be OK?
« Reply #76 on: July 19, 2013, 03:53:40 PM »
This is not about adults walking in on other adults. This is about ad adult walking in on children.

Doesn't matter = the issue is the same. If one age group is to be respected in this manner the other should be too. Kids should not get less ( or more) respect on this issue than adults. and vice versa. And there are adults who think that because the kids are "just kids" they deserve less privacy and that others needs less privacy from their eyes. Neither is acceptable.

Although it seems the original situation has been resolved--just wanted to add that the one difference to me is that a lot of times, kids don't necessarily have the "tools in the box" to deal with a situation like a wrong-gender adult coming into the change room.  Adults, for the most part, have figured out how to either address the issue at the time or know who to contact (or how to find out who to contact) to complain up the 'food chain'.  Kids need help with that part (and some kids might be too embarrassed to tell their parent{s} and just try to quit doing the activity as their "solution").

I'm glad that the OP's situation worked out as well as it did.

(edited because I had a weird formatting issue)

The reason why it's an issue for an adult is that if the parent who is bringing a child into the adult locker room gets upset at something the kid sees, they can make a WHOLE mess of trouble for the adult. And it won't matter if the adult was in their designated area, or what not. If they get reported for being improper in front of a kid - their life can be ruined.
   And before anyone says that's an over reaction, consider this:  My 5th grade teacher had his life ruined for just such circumstances. He was in the locker room at his gym, came out of the shower to get dressed and while doing so a parent brought their child ( a boy) in to the adult locker room.  The parent got upset at the kid seeing a nude adult in the adult locker room, reported the teacher and the teacher was arrested on indecent exposure to a minor charges. Lost his good name, and his career ( you can't be a teacher here if you have been arrested on child related charges) because  some parent took a kid into an area that they had no business being in.

The potential for damage to the adult is much greater than just a bit of embarrassment.

Couldn't that just as easily have happened if it was the boy's *father* accompanying him into the men's locker room? What you describe sounds like an issue that would plague locker rooms all over the country that allowed children, having nothing at all to do with a wrong-gender-adult entering.

It almost sounds like you're trying to make this into a 'adults vs children' issue, when the issue in this thread is really about 'wrong gender in the locker room'.


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Re: On what planet would this be OK? Minor update p#61
« Reply #77 on: July 19, 2013, 04:26:39 PM »
Must have been a strange jurisdiction that would arrest someone for being naked in a changing room.  ???
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Re: On what planet would this be OK? Minor update p#61
« Reply #78 on: July 22, 2013, 08:37:13 AM »
Let's put it this way, if the genders were flipped on this situation, parents and children alike would be screaming for security or even the police.

If you see her step into the changing room again, perhaps say loudly "Excuse me, that is the BOYS changing room!". She might take the hint.
All will be well, and all manner of things will be well.


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Re: On what planet would this be OK? Minor update p#61
« Reply #79 on: July 22, 2013, 08:51:56 AM »
OP here.....I got an email from the coach that everything was resolved.  I then talked to her at practice and she said it was a very good discussion with the other mom; no problem at all. I asked if it was just something that didn't really occur to her (having younger kids, she maybe didn't think about how older or other kids would feel) and she didn't really confirm that viewpoint, but reiterated that it was a good discussion and that there were no hard feelings and the woman wasn't upset or anything like that. 

I think that question really wan't appropriate for you to ask. I know that we'e been discussing it with you, but in real life, the details of that sort of conversation are not for sharing. And to ask about them is a misstep.

The coach did great, talking to her and then letting you know that things were resolved and telling you *only* the things that might affect you in the future (no animosity or hard feelings surrounding the team; very low chance of it reoccurring).