Author Topic: Regifted  (Read 5779 times)

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gellchom

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Re: Regifted
« Reply #15 on: July 16, 2013, 04:18:35 PM »
I would immediately give back the card and any check or money it contained to the person who gave me the book.

It wasn't intended for me; it belongs to the person who gave me the book.  It's the same as if they dropped it in my car or something; for me to keep it when I know perfectly well it belongs to them would be stealing -- from my friend, at that.  The fact that they regifted the book doesn't give me a free pass to keep what I know I only have by accident.

I don't see the big deal about regifting, either, and a book seems the most innocent of all.  Why assume that the thought process was, "Ugh, this book looks boring; I'll scrape it off on Lulu"?  It seems to me at least as likely, especially with a book that is very popular, that the giver was thinking, "Someone else already gave me a copy of this really good book.  I loved it, and I think Lulu would, too, and now I have a nice new copy I can give her as a gift."  Or, "I'd love to read this book everyone is talking about, but I want to give Lulu a nice birthday gift, and this book costs twice what I was going to be able to spend, so if I give her this one I've got a really nice gift for her, and I will just borrow a copy from the library to read myself."

But whether or not regifting is okay, I cannot see why the circumstance of a regift would give me license to keep someone else's card, let alone money.

Deetee

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Re: Regifted
« Reply #16 on: July 16, 2013, 04:37:03 PM »
I would return any cash or cheque of course. It's not meant for me so keeping it would be stealing. I also have no problem with regifting if it an item with a modicum of thought behind it.

I had this kinda happen once and I just ignored it. I was given a bottle of wine and there was a card in the gift bag. I didn't notice the card until later and I just assumed they were reusing the bag, not the wine. It was a Christmas card (no cash) and it was months after Christmas and I didn't see the people who gave it to me on a regular basis so I just ignored it.

I wouldn't have minded if they were regifting the wine as it was a nice bottle. My main reason for not thinking it was a regift was that this couple always brings a nice bottle of wine when they come over and always serves nice wine at their house, so I figured they would have drunk the original bottle.

Lynn2000

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Re: Regifted
« Reply #17 on: July 16, 2013, 04:51:03 PM »
I don't mind regifts generally. Something that made it obvious something was a regift might give me a giggle but I don't think I'd say anything about it to the giver. Either it's a good gift for me, that happened to pass through someone else's hands first, or it's a thoughtless gift for me, that they had lying around instead of getting at the store fresh.

I'd keep the cash. Like GLaDOS says, if they didn't look at the thing closely enough to notice it, they give up their claim to it, IMO. This almost happened to me once, actually. I was given a book that I didn't want, so I took it to work and put it out on the table with a note saying, "Free, please take." No one had taken it by noon so I was glancing at it again as I ate lunch, and out fell a $5! Turned out the giver had stuck some cash in the pages for me. I shook the cash out and kept it, as it was originally meant for me and no one else had claimed the book yet; but, if someone had claimed it earlier and then told me they'd found cash in it, I would have laughed and said, "Lucky you! Keep it. I should look at things more closely!"

A check I would probably give back to whoever it was made out to, if possible, and with some discretion, but I wouldn't make up a story about finding it in some totally different place. They knew what they gave me was a regift, after all, no need to get awkward about it.
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fountainof

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Re: Regifted
« Reply #18 on: July 16, 2013, 05:10:29 PM »
I would probably give the card and cash/cheque back to the giver as it would feel like bad luck to keep it.  I have no problem with getting or giving a regift as long as the recipient would like it and it was not used/stale/broken, etc.  For example, with wine I do it often as I don't drink much but have lots of places I could bring wine too so I regift it all the time.  I don't really even mind wine as a gift as I know I can take it along someone where I would bring a gift.  I also may regift chocolates if I just got too many and need to take something for a hostess gift.  I could easily see regifting a book.

crella

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Re: Regifted
« Reply #19 on: July 16, 2013, 06:38:07 PM »
You can't 'give up a claim to' something you don't know about. They deserve to be told.

Lynn2000

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Re: Regifted
« Reply #20 on: July 16, 2013, 08:43:52 PM »
You can't 'give up a claim to' something you don't know about. They deserve to be told.

I don't know if I agree. I feel like the person examined the item in the detail they wanted, decided they didn't want it, and gave it to someone else, all parts included. What if it was a book they didn't think they'd like so they gave it away without reading it, and then later they read a library copy and realize they love it? Do they get to go to the other person and say, "Hey, that book I gave you last year, can I have it back? I didn't know I would actually like it." I guess they can ask, but the other person has no obligation to give it back. Or say it's a super-duper Blu-Ray multiple movie boxed set, very expensive, and the original recipient is like, "Lord of the Rings? Lame-o," and they pass it on. And then they actually watch the movies somewhere else and love them, and decide they would like that fancy expensive boxed set after all. Too bad, that's the risk you took giving it away.

Maybe there's some wiggle room in an extreme case, like $500 tucked into a book. Or, I'm sure I've read a story about someone who got a gift in the mail from a relative, and at first glance it looked really lame and generic, like a scented bath product set (for those who don't like them), so they gave it away to someone else who would like it, rather than take it apart. Then the person who receives the regift takes it apart, and they find that the original giver has filled the basket under the products with something awesome and disguised it. (Which also points out the dangers of making your gift too tricky!) If I were the recipient of the regift I would tell the person who gave it to me about that.
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Deetee

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Re: Regifted
« Reply #21 on: July 16, 2013, 09:14:41 PM »
You can't 'give up a claim to' something you don't know about. They deserve to be told.

I don't know if I agree. I feel like the person examined the item in the detail they wanted, decided they didn't want it, and gave it to someone else, all parts included. What if it was a book they didn't think they'd like so they gave it away without reading it, and then later they read a library copy and realize they love it? Do they get to go to the other person and say, "Hey, that book I gave you last year, can I have it back? I didn't know I would actually like it." I guess they can ask, but the other person has no obligation to give it back. Or say it's a super-duper Blu-Ray multiple movie boxed set, very expensive, and the original recipient is like, "Lord of the Rings? Lame-o," and they pass it on. And then they actually watch the movies somewhere else and love them, and decide they would like that fancy expensive boxed set after all. Too bad, that's the risk you took giving it away.



To me, that is entirely different than a cheque or cash (regardless of the amount). It's not like most people look at $20 and go, "naah, it's an old bill. I only like new ones"

Lynn2000

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Re: Regifted
« Reply #22 on: July 16, 2013, 09:21:43 PM »
You can't 'give up a claim to' something you don't know about. They deserve to be told.

I don't know if I agree. I feel like the person examined the item in the detail they wanted, decided they didn't want it, and gave it to someone else, all parts included. What if it was a book they didn't think they'd like so they gave it away without reading it, and then later they read a library copy and realize they love it? Do they get to go to the other person and say, "Hey, that book I gave you last year, can I have it back? I didn't know I would actually like it." I guess they can ask, but the other person has no obligation to give it back. Or say it's a super-duper Blu-Ray multiple movie boxed set, very expensive, and the original recipient is like, "Lord of the Rings? Lame-o," and they pass it on. And then they actually watch the movies somewhere else and love them, and decide they would like that fancy expensive boxed set after all. Too bad, that's the risk you took giving it away.



To me, that is entirely different than a cheque or cash (regardless of the amount). It's not like most people look at $20 and go, "naah, it's an old bill. I only like new ones"

LOL, that would be pretty crazy!  :D And then suddenly later they realize wrinkled twenties are just as valuable as new ones??

How about, "Can I have that necklace I gave you back? I thought it was a cheap thing, but now I realize it's real gold and stones." That to me is tacky. BUT... "Can I have that necklace I gave you back? Turns out it's a family heirloom," might work for me, if accompanied by apologies and so forth.
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crella

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Re: Regifted
« Reply #23 on: July 16, 2013, 09:37:00 PM »
I'm afraid I have to disagree. We're talking about them overlooking a card with money in it, in a box or bag that they gave you. It is not that same at all as asking for a gift back. In this case they don't know that they gave you cash along with the gift they thought they were giving you. They don't know it's in there, so there is no conscious 'giving up of rights', that's voluntary, as in the idea of giving a book away and then asking for it  back. That IS giving up their right to it, and yes, it would be wrong to ask for or take it back.

However, you were given, say, a paper bag from a clothing store with a sweater in it that they glanced at, didn't like, but thought that you might. That's the 'contract', or their awareness of the situation. They gave you a sweater, not the sweater and the gift card (for whatever amount) that they didn't see at the bottom of the bag. If they had seen the gift card or cash, would they have used it? It's likely,but they can't make that decision without knowing about it. That's where I have a problem with the idea that they relinquished their rights to something. When they gave you the gift, and said something like 'Here's a sweater, I hope you like it' and you looked into the bag, you received a sweater. That was the 'deal', or your understanding when you received it. Did they know about 'all the parts included'?

I think you are morally bound to tell them you found the money. They most likely did not intend to give it to you. That's my two cents.


crella

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Re: Regifted
« Reply #24 on: July 16, 2013, 09:39:29 PM »
And if someone gave me a necklace, saying, 'Here's a necklace, it's costume jewelery' but I found out later that it's real? I would tell them. They were not aware, they did not make the choice to give me diamonds.


GLaDOS

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Re: Regifted
« Reply #25 on: July 16, 2013, 10:01:57 PM »
In this case they don't know that they gave you cash along with the gift they thought they were giving you.
However, you were given, say, a paper bag from a clothing store with a sweater in it that they glanced at, didn't like, but thought that you might. That's the 'contract', or their awareness of the situation.

I think that's a different circumstance. There, that's obviously something given with thought and a careless mistake, and you're right; it would be morally wrong to profit off of that.

I guess my example of keeping the money would be an obvious 'here this is stupid and apparently I have to give you a gift so you can have this. DONE WITH GIFTS" sort of regift. Not the "hey, I have this sweater I think you might like. let me find you a bag" sort.

For me it boils down to intention. If you're giving me something so it's out of your house with no regard as to whether it's useful to me or that I'll like it, and you don't care enough about the gift to flip through the book or take it out of its original wrapping paper/ bag/ packaging, that's not giving a gift. That's passing off your junk. It's a risk you take not being certain of what you're effectively throwing away.




« Last Edit: July 16, 2013, 10:31:26 PM by GLaDOS »
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crella

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Re: Regifted
« Reply #26 on: July 16, 2013, 10:07:18 PM »
I think my point, minus frills, was that they thought you were getting a sweater, the intention was not to give you the money/check too, not whether they thought you might like it, or they were getting rid of it. My MIL has given me utter cr*p in bags for years(items she has had for over 10 years, things that won't fit), but when I found a diamond necklace in a glove she gave me (she was famous for hiding things) I returned it.

Jocelyn

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Re: Regifted
« Reply #27 on: July 16, 2013, 10:42:12 PM »
I would immediately give back the card and any check or money it contained to the person who gave me the book.

It wasn't intended for me; it belongs to the person who gave me the book.  It's the same as if they dropped it in my car or something; for me to keep it when I know perfectly well it belongs to them would be stealing -- from my friend, at that.  The fact that they regifted the book doesn't give me a free pass to keep what I know I only have by accident.

I don't see the big deal about regifting, either, and a book seems the most innocent of all.  Why assume that the thought process was, "Ugh, this book looks boring; I'll scrape it off on Lulu"?  It seems to me at least as likely, especially with a book that is very popular, that the giver was thinking, "Someone else already gave me a copy of this really good book.  I loved it, and I think Lulu would, too, and now I have a nice new copy I can give her as a gift."  Or, "I'd love to read this book everyone is talking about, but I want to give Lulu a nice birthday gift, and this book costs twice what I was going to be able to spend, so if I give her this one I've got a really nice gift for her, and I will just borrow a copy from the library to read myself."

But whether or not regifting is okay, I cannot see why the circumstance of a regift would give me license to keep someone else's card, let alone money.
I'm not sure how you got the idea that the gift was a book, as that wasn't one of the examples I gave.  The original post that inspired this thread was talking about a wedding gift of the marginally useful kind.

gellchom

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Re: Regifted
« Reply #28 on: July 16, 2013, 11:30:30 PM »
I would immediately give back the card and any check or money it contained to the person who gave me the book.

It wasn't intended for me; it belongs to the person who gave me the book.  It's the same as if they dropped it in my car or something; for me to keep it when I know perfectly well it belongs to them would be stealing -- from my friend, at that.  The fact that they regifted the book doesn't give me a free pass to keep what I know I only have by accident.

I don't see the big deal about regifting, either, and a book seems the most innocent of all.  Why assume that the thought process was, "Ugh, this book looks boring; I'll scrape it off on Lulu"?  It seems to me at least as likely, especially with a book that is very popular, that the giver was thinking, "Someone else already gave me a copy of this really good book.  I loved it, and I think Lulu would, too, and now I have a nice new copy I can give her as a gift."  Or, "I'd love to read this book everyone is talking about, but I want to give Lulu a nice birthday gift, and this book costs twice what I was going to be able to spend, so if I give her this one I've got a really nice gift for her, and I will just borrow a copy from the library to read myself."

But whether or not regifting is okay, I cannot see why the circumstance of a regift would give me license to keep someone else's card, let alone money.
I'm not sure how you got the idea that the gift was a book, as that wasn't one of the examples I gave.  The original post that inspired this thread was talking about a wedding gift of the marginally useful kind.

Lol, I'm not sure where I got it, either!

But anyway, you can imagine analogous situations with other types of gifts.  More important, whatever the gift, I still think that its being a regift -- even if it is the bad kind -- doesn't make it okay to keep the card, money, or anything else you know wasn't really intended for you.   It's still stealing. 

If a rude cashier accidentally gave you too much change, would you think it is okay to keep it because the cashier had been rude?  Of course not.  Whatever we think of regifting to a friend, surely we can agree that stealing from one is worse.

Lynn2000

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Re: Regifted
« Reply #29 on: July 16, 2013, 11:52:07 PM »
For me it boils down to intention. If you're giving me something so it's out of your house with no regard as to whether it's useful to me or that I'll like it, and you don't care enough about the gift to flip through the book or take it out of its original wrapping paper/ bag/ packaging, that's not giving a gift. That's passing off your junk. It's a risk you take not being certain of what you're effectively throwing away.

I guess this is how I was thinking of it, too. I certainly don't think all regifting is done with this kind of thought process, but that's the situation I was imagining, that someone was turning up their nose at something and shoving it off on me without paying much attention to it. If it turns out to be/contain something they would have noticed and valued if they'd treated the gift with consideration, well, they might just lose it.

Like I said, I've almost been on the other side of this, and if someone had claimed the book I didn't want and found the cash in it, I would have laughed at myself for being careless and told them to keep it. I grant you, it wasn't more than $10; maybe if we were talking "a lot" of money I would feel differently. So, that's what I'm going by.
~Lynn2000