Author Topic: Children's Birthday Parties and Neighborhood Politics. (Sigh)  (Read 4812 times)

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blarg314

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Re: Children's Birthday Parties and Neighborhood Politics. (Sigh)
« Reply #15 on: July 31, 2013, 09:36:10 PM »

At that age, I think that your daughter is being amazingly tactful, and doing a good job of standing up to double teaming by mean girls.

I also think she's taking the right tactic. Telling them outright that they aren't invited because they are mean and she doesn't like them will just increase the drama, and make the girls feel more like they are hard done by.

Allyson

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Re: Children's Birthday Parties and Neighborhood Politics. (Sigh)
« Reply #16 on: July 31, 2013, 09:58:57 PM »
I agree that putting it on you is a good idea. It might seem like it would be helpful to 'teach' the girls a lesson, but in my experience, it rarely actually works that way. They more than likely won't think 'wow, I did something I shouldn't have, this is the consequence for it'. It's not immediate enough, you know? and especially with there being two of them, they probably feed on each other. It's not another kid's responsibility to teach them what they are doing wrong.


kherbert05

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Re: Children's Birthday Parties and Neighborhood Politics. (Sigh)
« Reply #17 on: July 31, 2013, 11:39:50 PM »
I think that Parents said no and/or My parents would kill me resurrect me and kill me again excuses are the childhood equivalent to "I have other plans" as a face saving excuse to get out of tricky situations without provoking a scene.

If the parents are silly enough to come begging for invite - I would be honest. After the screaming fight they had I told DD they need to not play together for a while.
 
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*inviteseller

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Re: Children's Birthday Parties and Neighborhood Politics. (Sigh)
« Reply #18 on: July 31, 2013, 11:55:38 PM »
I have always told my kids that if they were being pressured to do something they didn't feel right about, use me and my mean momness as an excuse.  I think if your DD comes out and says to these two that she just doesn't want them because they are mean it will create more drama that is unnecessary.   Your DD did great, they are rude to ask for invites, especially after they treated her as they did, and if their parents are actually forward enough to call you to ask why they weren't invited, I would bluntly tell them the truth.  These two girls need to learn the consequences of their actions, but it is their parents that need to teach them.

I have two daughters, and mean girls are the bane of my existence.  My youngest DD is so socially clueless that she doesn't quite get that a girl she adores is a frenemy (I would love to tell this little brat off she is that bad at 7 years old), and mean girls helped push my older DD so far over the edge, she quit high school. 

weeblewobble

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Re: Children's Birthday Parties and Neighborhood Politics. (Sigh)
« Reply #19 on: August 01, 2013, 12:09:56 AM »


I have two daughters, and mean girls are the bane of my existence.  My youngest DD is so socially clueless that she doesn't quite get that a girl she adores is a frenemy (I would love to tell this little brat off she is that bad at 7 years old), and mean girls helped push my older DD so far over the edge, she quit high school.

It took DD a long time to puzzle it out for herself.  Two things worked for her: 1) Being around girls who did treat her nicely, so she could compare and contrast.  And 2) Lack of interference from us.  We made a comment or two about Kayla being rude and not a great friend, but for the most part, we let her figure it out on her own.  Because if we told her that she couldn't play with Kayla anymore, it would become a "Romeo and Juliet" effect of DD trying to defend her right to play with the friend she feels is being unfairly treated by her parents.

cwm

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Re: Children's Birthday Parties and Neighborhood Politics. (Sigh)
« Reply #20 on: August 01, 2013, 11:28:08 AM »
1) Are we handling this correctly?

2) I'm sure this will come up again as we get closer to the party.  Is there a better response for DD to give besides, "No, I'm sorry. I've invited everybody my mom gave me permission to invite."

3) So far, none of the parents have contacted me, but is there an appropriate response if they do?

1. Absolutely. You're being as discreet as possible. Word will get out eventually, it always does, but your DD and her friends aren't shoving everyone else's face in it.

2. If you're willing to field the questions from the other parents, this is the perfect answer. Your DD is of an age where blaming it on mom is still appropriate.

3. I'd be a bit hesitant to be straight upfront with the whole truth. I'd just say that you spoke with your DD and the two of you came up with the guest list together based on who she wanted to invite and the limited number of invites you allowed.

pierrotlunaire0

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Re: Children's Birthday Parties and Neighborhood Politics. (Sigh)
« Reply #21 on: August 01, 2013, 11:53:33 AM »
At the most, if the parents were to call (and I really wonder if they would), I would say, "Well, since that huge argument, I doubted that they would even want to."  And if the parents were to say, "Oh, that all blew over," then I would say, "I'm sorry, but I have reached my budget limits.  Maybe next year."
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NyaChan

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Re: Children's Birthday Parties and Neighborhood Politics. (Sigh)
« Reply #22 on: August 01, 2013, 12:04:23 PM »


I have two daughters, and mean girls are the bane of my existence.  My youngest DD is so socially clueless that she doesn't quite get that a girl she adores is a frenemy (I would love to tell this little brat off she is that bad at 7 years old), and mean girls helped push my older DD so far over the edge, she quit high school.

It took DD a long time to puzzle it out for herself.  Two things worked for her: 1) Being around girls who did treat her nicely, so she could compare and contrast.  And 2) Lack of interference from us.  We made a comment or two about Kayla being rude and not a great friend, but for the most part, we let her figure it out on her own.  Because if we told her that she couldn't play with Kayla anymore, it would become a "Romeo and Juliet" effect of DD trying to defend her right to play with the friend she feels is being unfairly treated by her parents.


Wow that is so true! I was susceptible to that even as a teenager. My closest friend at time had some definite negatives, but since my parents qnd sister kept pointing it out I felt like I had to defend my friend. I ended up excusing her behavior up until it blew up in my face.  I've tried hard since then to recognize that acknowledging and guarding against the negative aspects of your friends' personality (because everyone has negatives) doesn't make me a bad friend, but does make me take better care of myself.

JoyinVirginia

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Re: Children's Birthday Parties and Neighborhood Politics. (Sigh)
« Reply #23 on: August 03, 2013, 05:50:05 PM »
If parents call, just tell them you are limited in how many girls you can invite and dd invited close friends

Deetee

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Re: Children's Birthday Parties and Neighborhood Politics. (Sigh)
« Reply #24 on: August 03, 2013, 06:16:40 PM »
Also, I think the rule on "not talking about events that other people are not invited to" is really "don't go on with great enthusiasm and issue invites in front of people who aren't invited" and not "don't let uninvited people ever know about the event".