Poll

How much do you vent on average about work on each work day?

Less than 10 minutes
40 (54.8%)
10-30 minutes
21 (28.8%)
30-60 minutes
5 (6.8%)
1 hour or more
7 (9.6%)

Total Members Voted: 73

Author Topic: How much do you and/or your partner vent about work?  (Read 2422 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Sophia

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 11550
  • xi
Re: How much do you and/or your partner vent about work?
« Reply #30 on: July 18, 2013, 03:54:38 PM »
I try really hard to leave the stuff at work.  So, I don't usually do more than say "Good day" or "Bad day"

cwm

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2427
Re: How much do you and/or your partner vent about work?
« Reply #31 on: July 18, 2013, 04:05:13 PM »
I work in an environment with very private personal information. BF works in an environment with very private corporate information. We can, and frequently do, vent about the generalities of our work, but can't go into specifics. For me, it's the entire changing of job duties, co-workers not doing what they're supposed to and it coming down on all of us, and the general craziness that comes naturally to a company with such rapid growth.

BF's comes when they expect him, in a technology support role, to do the role of a development team in less than half the time of the dev team, without the benefits of an actual team, and without ignoring any of the rest of his duties. Which happens with more regularity than he'd expect.

It only lasts a few minutes on either part, unless it's some huge egregious offense. Or his continuing saga with the company transferring him back to the parent company where he started and all of his benefits and compensation being changed, but he still doesn't know how. I understand venting frustration about that. But for the most part, it's a quick "Oh holy hotdogs, A and B and C ALL happened today! I just....GAAAAAHHHH!!!!" and then we're done.

cabbageweevil

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 940
Re: How much do you and/or your partner vent about work?
« Reply #32 on: July 18, 2013, 04:31:08 PM »
Cabbageweevil, any time someone brings up anything Nazi/Hitler related, the argument is lost. It's called Godwin's law and I'm surprised you haven't heard of it.

Comparing an SO's venting to Auschwitz vs serving in non combat military is beyond the pale in its hyperbole and offense.

Sorry -- this being the "culture" here, I promise no more Nazi references on this board, ever again.

SlitherHiss

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 231
Re: How much do you and/or your partner vent about work?
« Reply #33 on: July 18, 2013, 05:52:16 PM »
Cabbageweevil, any time someone brings up anything Nazi/Hitler related, the argument is lost. It's called Godwin's law and I'm surprised you haven't heard of it.

Comparing an SO's venting to Auschwitz vs serving in non combat military is beyond the pale in its hyperbole and offense.

Sorry -- this being the "culture" here, I promise no more Nazi references on this board, ever again.

I'm not sure what you mean by "this being the 'culture' here", but it seem like a wise decision to stop...FWIW, I'm new here, but I've been on a lot of online boards, and interacted with people from a lot of different countries, religions, and cultural groups and something that causes pretty much universal distatste is throwing around comparisons to Nazis or indeed anything related to the horrors perpetrated in conjuction with the Nazi party.

cabbageweevil

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 940
Re: How much do you and/or your partner vent about work?
« Reply #34 on: July 18, 2013, 05:56:05 PM »
All right ! I get it ! No need to rub my nose in it...

SlitherHiss

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 231
Re: How much do you and/or your partner vent about work?
« Reply #35 on: July 18, 2013, 05:58:10 PM »
OP, I think being vented at for hours would annoy me, too! I know you've tried redirecting him to talk to his brother or go do some physical activity, but it's clear that he really wants your support, as his partner. Have you actually asked him how much time he needs? He might respond better if he was part of the decision, KWIM?

How about saying "Sweetie, I know Bob's awful to deal with, but I don't think it's doing you any good to re-live all your frustrations when you come home. I don't want to shut you down, but I don't want our home life polluted by this jerk. How much time should we set aside for decompression when we get home?"

onyonryngs

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 362
Re: How much do you and/or your partner vent about work?
« Reply #36 on: July 18, 2013, 06:13:39 PM »
Telling your SO you want to set a boundary is not going to sound very supportive no matter how you slice it, BUT I can tell you what worked for me.  Institute "no work talk while you're clothed" rule.  This works for all manner of unpleasant things.  I can't tell you how many times DH starts to tell me about his boss and the second I say "naked venting" he starts cracking up and is in a better frame of mind to have a conversation. 

SlitherHiss

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 231
Re: How much do you and/or your partner vent about work?
« Reply #37 on: July 18, 2013, 06:21:02 PM »
onyonryngs, that is genius!!

onyonryngs

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 362
Re: How much do you and/or your partner vent about work?
« Reply #38 on: July 18, 2013, 07:22:27 PM »
onyonryngs, that is genius!!

It's also how he finally got me to watch football...

GreenBird

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 162
Re: How much do you and/or your partner vent about work?
« Reply #39 on: July 18, 2013, 08:07:48 PM »
It sounds like DH has gone way past "venting" and is into "dwelling".  He's not blowing off steam and then letting the frustration go, he's building up steam by dwelling endlessly on the problem and never stepping away from it.  He's devoting all of his energy and attention on the frustrations of work, and letting it eat up all of his time and focus, and now it's expanding to eat up all of your time too.  That's not fair to you, or healthy for him, or good for your relation-ship.  He's giving Bill and other work problems way too much space in his head and needs to figure out how to mentally step away from these frustrations.  I actually think a week's moratorium on 'venting' might be really good for him and give him a chance to figure out how to change his focus and take a break from the frustration. 

daen

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 503
Re: How much do you and/or your partner vent about work?
« Reply #40 on: July 20, 2013, 11:19:21 AM »
There's a lot of venting going on in Chez Daen right now, but my husband and I are in an odd situation. We're in contract positions in the same organization (my desk is thirty feet from his, just around the corner), and because of the compensation package, it's a both-or-neither thing, which makes the question of leaving very complicated.

His position is basically support-and-service, but the department he's in has been cut from seven people to two, and this time of year is the busiest at our office due to training season. The truly frustating thing is that while there's been some lip service on the part of TPTB to the reality that his department is all-but-nonfunctional, he still gets questions from exec level (and occasionally his supervisor, who is... not the right person for the job) about why support isn't at the level they expect. So there is venting to me after hours, sometimes for a few minutes, sometimes for hours as we try to figure out what he can do, and what our options are.

My position is in a different department, and my supervisor is good, but I'm also dealing with peak busyness, and having some level of difficulty with it from time to time. (I found out last week that previous contract employees have had quite a lot more difficulty than I have - my supervisor stopped short of using the phrase "spectacular meltdown" to describe it, but I got that impression nonetheless.) So I vent from time to time as well.

Fortunately for us, the contracts end in a few months, and there's no possibility of renewing even if we wanted to. The organization knew that going in, so there's no pressure there. So I'll take the venting (and dish it out on occasion) for a little longer, and hope it keeps my husband from getting pushed too far and giving the exec level a telling-off to their faces.