Author Topic: Hmm, maybe I shouldn't make comments about drinking on their Facebook pic  (Read 4158 times)

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TootsNYC

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My DD is in college and is overseas now for a course.

When she got there, she posted something about the English names of cocktails in a bar she went to in Other Country. They were funny, and it was funny that they were in English.
   My comment was, "ARE YOU GOING TO **BARS** AND ***DRINKING***?!?!?!"

I meant it to be a joke about how "shocked" I, her mother, would be if she did so. She's really not a drinker, very conservative in her behavior, and cautious. And I would *not* at all be shocked--she's nearly 19, she has good sense, she can drink, as far as I'm concerned. (I know it's not legal here in the US except w/ us, so I'd prefer she follow the laws, but I really don't care.)

Knowing my DD, I'm pretty sure she got the joke. But later, I wondered if I should have not said something like that. But then again, she was the one who mentioned cocktails.

Then later, someone in her group posted a couple of group pics of them and tagged her. One of them was really fuzzy. I *almost* commented, "This one is very fuzzy--were you guys drinking?"
     And then I didn't. Because, well, it just felt like it was best for someone ELSE not to bring up the subject on their pictures. (Esp. since I didn't know the other kids--but even if it had been on my DD's wall, I shouldn't, I don't think.)

There's a lot of talk about how college kids shouldn't post pics of themselves boozing it up, in case future employers think they're untrustworthy. So I figured it was best not to raise the topic for someone else.

Carotte

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There's a lot of talk about how college kids shouldn't post pics of themselves boozing it up, in case future employers think they're untrustworthy. So I figured it was best not to raise the topic for someone else.

There's quite a difference between a picture of a bar/a few cocktails and something that shows you "boozing it up". I hope (of course depending on the field) that most future employers can distinguish between "we tried a few cocktails at NewTrendyBar for my birthday" and "yeah! kegger! beer pong! look at all those passed out guys while I'm licking tequila from a perfect stranger perfect abs".

So a comment on the first pic with "looks like you had fun! they look really nice" is perfectly acceptable. The second one shouldn't be posted if you don't want people to comment (and future employers to see, comment or not).

EllenS

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I think you made the right call holding back on the second.  Probably your daughter got the joke, but if she didn't reply back with something jokey "LOL, right mom, like you are so shocked." then she probably wants to let it slide.

Commenting twice on the same theme would seem like harping on it.  Don't stress about the first comment, but you're right, the more traffic the idea gets the more likely it is to show up in a "screening" search.

Allyson

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I agree with EllenS. I think the first one was fine--it was on your daughter's status, she will know you weren't really serious. But someone else might think you were mad/judging them if they don't know you well or at all, especially if they'd seen you mention drinking on the status earlier!


Redsoil

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Once is fine, as long as it's obvious you're being all "CRUD MONKEYS!!! *gasp!*  Sooooooooo shocked!  lol" as a joke.  Twice would come across as actually berating.
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MrTango

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You could always include a little emoticon showing that you're being sarcastic.  a ; followed by a ) makes a nice wink face.

gramma dishes

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I think the first comment was fine and that you made a wise choice not to make the second one.

I also think that before your daughter starts applying for jobs, she should go back and review her own site and consider deleting any pictures/references to drinking -- just to be safe.  Remind her that if she's named in pictures on other people's pages, those can also be found. 

In the meantime I hope your daughter really enjoys her semester overseas.  It's something that was very rarely done in my college years and I feel like it's an experience I missed that would have been remarkably educational and just plain wonderful.  ;-)

TootsNYC

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I'm pretty sure my DD doesn't drink--this is the only thing I've ever seen on her Facebook that was remotely related (and someone who wasn't out to be shocked would realize that her comment was really about the words), so I don't think she has that much to be worried about.

And my "shocked" comment was *so* over the top that I have reason to hope the joke is clear to everyone.

But I am glad I was sensitive enough to stop my impulse before I got very far with it. And left it a joke between me and DH. (He said, "Maybe it wasn't them that was drinking--maybe it was the camera that'd had a few.")

Sharnita

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I think one problem is that people who know her slightly might misunderstand ypur comments. Since it sounds like she is at a point where goodimpressions might be used to make connections that lead to a career type of job over the next few years, I eouldn't post comments like that.

lollylegs

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Like others have said, I think the first comment was fine. But if you make a habit of making these joking comments, it might look like it's judgement masked as humour.

I'm in a different country so it might (and probably is) a different case in America, but my boss checks the social media accounts of potential employees and a couple of 'boozey' (for example, posing with a glass of wine in hand) photos don't raise any red flags. He's looking more for things like racist and sexist content, bragging about continuous three day benders, etc. What your daughter posted sounds completely innocuous (and in the instance of the fuzzy photo, one might not even realise it was fuzzy because of drinking).

TootsNYC

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(it wasn't fuzzy because of the drinking--it was fuzzy because of the focus. That's why I thought it was funny to attribute it to drinking--because it so clearly wasn't.)

katycoo

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*pfft*.  Comment away.

If the person whose page it is doesn't appreciate the comment or is concerned about others reading it, they can delete.

All you have to do is:

1. Not be offended if a post you post disappears; and
2. Not repost anything which has disappeared.

rigs32

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I'd suggest following up with your daughter and see how she feels.  My mom can make similar comments or ones that come across as mothering.  Except.... I'm 35.  I'm a professional and if people don't respect me, it can be an issue.  I have many people as facebook friends that I know through work.  I'd rather have a photo of me drinking than a comment from her addressing me as a teenager.  But that's me and I asked her to stop and she did.

Mikayla

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I think your instinct on the second one was spot on.  Also, did you happen to catch the story of the mom and the FB "mocktails" that got the cops at her door!?.  (It happened after you started this thread). 

Obviously, this is a different situation, but it serves as yet another reminder to proceed with caution on FB, even when joking around.  Of course, hopefully you don't have people on your contact list that are this tightly wrapped....yikes: 

http://www1.whdh.com/news/articles/local/10011282708940/cops-called-on-mom-over-facebook-mocktails-post/

Sharnita

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Actually, it would depend in part on whether.she was really.clear on what the "cocktails".and "beer" actually were in her posts. I can imagine a casual friend, maybe a mandated reporter, seeing a post or video that didn't make it clear and basically thinking "That doesn't sound like her but I need to report it and let them check it out to be sure"