Was I Rude?

[Hollanda]

Situation: We were on a train - DH, DS and I. The train was rather full and there were few seats left. DS was in his small buggy which takes some manoeuvring through a narrow train aisle. There were two young kids about 7 years old who were messing about in the aisle between seats. I said "Excuse me please". Twice. People behind us tutted. The children just stood there looking at me. The lady I think was the mother was laughing with her friend and ignoring the kids.  My DH said "Excuse me please" and again they ignored. I pointedly looked at the lady, hoping she might sayssomething but she shrugged and made a comment about them being excited about going to the seaside that day.  I said "Can you sit down please?" Again,  not rudely or abruptly.  The kids sat down on the nearest seats so I could get the buggy through the aisle. The lady gave me the stink-eye.

The people behind us were I think relieved when we finally moved!  Should I have just waited for the kids to sit down or was I ok? 

[gollymolly2]

You can't seriously think that saying "excuse me, please" is rude. Of course you were fine.

[perpetua]

I don't think you were rude to ask them to move out of the way, but isn't the accepted wisdom that you park the buggy in the area by the doors then take the baby to the seat, rather than wheeling the buggy down the aisle? Certainly is in my part of the country.

[Hollanda]

The buggy port was full. We had to move down the carriage,  take Ds out of the buggy and then park the buggy in the bicycle area.

Our train station is closed for the summer for refurbishment. The only trains running are to the seaside town which is quite a journey away. This is not a usual occurrence as usually I just pick up DS and sit on the nearest seat whilst DH folds buggy and puts it in the baggage port as it's not usually full.

Everything is crazy at the station.  The whole schedule is confused with replacement bus services and had we had a clue what it would be like we'd never have gone to my parents house which is on the train route.

[perpetua]

The buggy port was full.

I'm not sure what a 'buggy port' is - I'm referring to the big square area in the middle of the carriage where the doors are, from which you turn either left or right to get to the seats after you get on, unless you have different types of trains wherever you are.

We had to move down the carriage,  take Ds out of the buggy and then park the buggy in the bicycle area.

I'm not sure I'm seeing why. Why not park the buggy in the bike area first then carry him to the seat? You were probably getting the stink eye not because you asked the kids to move, but because the other passengers thought you were going to block the aisle with the buggy when you sat down.

[Hollanda]

The place on our trains (uk) to park buggies is usually on the left hand side near the sliding doors.  Same area as for baggage.  If it's a full train and the buggy needs to be parked at yhe other end of the carriage, the only real option is to keep moving to the other end. I guess I could have taken DS out and carried him as soon as we got on the train but then DH would have had to fold up the buggy and carry that and the changing bag down the aisle.  Less hassle for me but carrying a folded buggy is unwieldy and awkward.

The was I rude bit related to me asking the kids to please sit down.

No issue on return journey. ..tge buggy was folded and put in baggage area as usual.

[perpetua]

I'm in the UK too.

I've never seen anyone pushing a buggy down the aisle in my neck of the woods and I think it would raise eyebrows if anyone did that, because you're holding up the people behind you, etc (you said they were relieved when you finally moved).

No, you weren't rude in asking the kids to sit down but you were also creating a bottleneck with the buggy, and had you not been doing that the situation probably wouldn't have arisen in the first place.

[Hollanda]

Yes I concur with you on that Perpetua. Next time I'll know. if we'd realised how packed it was,  we'd have either carried him on the train or got on at another carriage further down.

[perpetua]

Packed trains are no fun either way, are they... as a veteran of the suburban commute I can testify to that

[Hollanda]

I think really that I made an error in judgement,  did what I thought would be better for DS at the time and was wrong. The kids...yeah it was possible it was their first trip to the seaside and they were just so excited and didn't think about blocking the aisle. That said,  Mum there (or whoever was the parent) should have guided them towards good travel behaviour rather than saying nothing. After saying excuse me twice,  I realised I needed to be more direct.

I feel I made an error in trying to parent someone else's children. Of course it was not intended but that would have been the way it appeared. 

[Curious Cat]

Your error was in walking the buggy through the middle of the train car, not asking the boys to move. Although if you'd had the buggy in the right spot to begin with you wouldn't have had to ask in the first place thus negating the entire thing.

[TootsNYC]

But if you'd folded the buggy, wouldn't the kids have still been in the way as you tried to go down the aisle?

It's a narrow aisle, so there's really not room for two full-sized people to pass easily, is there? And you *and* your DH would have been carrying something semi-bulky (you, the kid and any tote/diaper bags; him, the buggy and any other tote he had). So the kids would need to get out of the aisle.

Plus, the aisle is for walking, not for standing or playing, especially during loading and unloading times.

I don't think you were rude in the least to ask them to move. And I think it was fine for you to say, "could you sit down" or "could you please step out of the aisle." I think w/ kids, often "excuse me" is not actually clear enough. They don't think as far, they're still in training. So you tell them what you want them to *do* (or, better yet, *ask* them). I think you were fine to first say "excuse me," since at 7, they might have been able to figure out what you needed. When they didn't get it, then you were fine to ask them specifically to do [x action here] that got you what you needed.

So, minor goof on the buggy thing. Nothing wrong at all in asking the kids to please move out of your way.

[perpetua]

Your error was in walking the buggy through the middle of the train car, not asking the boys to move. Although if you'd had the buggy in the right spot to begin with you wouldn't have had to ask in the first place thus negating the entire thing.

This.

I'm actually surprised you could get the buggy down there in the first place. How did it fit? I've never seen anyone even attempt this. On every train I've ever been on, it's a struggle to get *myself* down there sometimes. Granted, my rear end isn't the most svelte in the world, but still.

[Curious Cat]

But if you'd folded the buggy, wouldn't the kids have still been in the way as you tried to go down the aisle?

It's a narrow aisle, so there's really not room for two full-sized people to pass easily, is there? And you *and* your DH would have been carrying something semi-bulky (you, the kid and any tote/diaper bags; him, the buggy and any other tote he had). So the kids would need to get out of the aisle.

Plus, the aisle is for walking, not for standing or playing, especially during loading and unloading times.

I don't think you were rude in the least to ask them to move. And I think it was fine for you to say, "could you sit down" or "could you please step out of the aisle." I think w/ kids, often "excuse me" is not actually clear enough. They don't think as far, they're still in training. So you tell them what you want them to *do* (or, better yet, *ask* them). I think you were fine to first say "excuse me," since at 7, they might have been able to figure out what you needed. When they didn't get it, then you were fine to ask them specifically to do [x action here] that got you what you needed.

So, minor goof on the buggy thing. Nothing wrong at all in asking the kids to please move out of your way.

She wouldn't have had to ask them because she would already have been at the other end of the car. I agree that the boys shouldn't have been playing in the aisle but the OP was wondering if it was rude to ask them to move. I was simply pointing out it would t have been necessary if she had not been walking the buggy through the car.

[Hollanda]

There was no right spot because when we got on, we couldn't see the baggage area was full. I thought wrongly that taking him out would be more hassle.  The buggy is a small one, rather than his Mama and Papas huge beast! I simply thought "It's a small buggy, we'll be fine. " In usual circumstances yes for a very small distance down the aisle wouldn't have been an issue. Since that has literally never happened before,  we had to make a snap decision. Quickly. I said to DH on the seats "I wish I'd just taken him out and carried him!"  So yeah I know I was wrong.

But wed have still had to carry DS and a bag all the way down the carriage since there were no seats until the other end. And the buggy folded up isn't easy to carry.  Unless you strike it lucky on a crowdrd train,  walking down the aisle until there is an available seat is the only option.

The train companies never use enough carriages for the Nottingham Skegness train.  Add that to the confusion around which trains are running and which are replacement buses and you have mayhem. Hence people moving quickly,  trying to push to get a seat and