Author Topic: Was I Rude?  (Read 3206 times)

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TootsNYC

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Re: Was I Rude?
« Reply #30 on: July 21, 2013, 02:29:20 PM »
The trains I've been on, two small children in the aisle would have kept any adult from getting down the aisle, unless the adult pushed/bumped them to the side. So in my mind, it's not the buggy that's the issue, it's the kids in the aisle when people are trying to get onto the train and into their seats.

If the buggy was small enough to get down the aisle, it was not causing the bottleneck. The children who were in the aisle were causing the bottleneck. Therefore it was not rude to ask them to clear the aisle.

In fact, if that photo is accurate, there is NO way any grownup could get past even one  little boy.

Make it a grownup carrying a stroller and a child, plus one tote bag, and the problem is the same.

In fact, I would say that a slim stroller is probably the most sensible way to corral the stuff. The kid and the stroller become a single  low, easy-to-maneuver, smoothly moving p=object. Until someone stands in the aisle.

(also, NYCs subways have people standing in the aisles, so they're not very wide.)

I guess she contributed to the problem by getting on the train in the first place. But personally, I'll excuse her for living.

Zizi-K

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Re: Was I Rude?
« Reply #31 on: July 21, 2013, 02:36:11 PM »
The trains I've been on, two small children in the aisle would have kept any adult from getting down the aisle, unless the adult pushed/bumped them to the side. So in my mind, it's not the buggy that's the issue, it's the kids in the aisle when people are trying to get onto the train and into their seats.

If the buggy was small enough to get down the aisle, it was not causing the bottleneck. The children who were in the aisle were causing the bottleneck. Therefore it was not rude to ask them to clear the aisle.

In fact, if that photo is accurate, there is NO way any grownup could get past even one  little boy.

Make it a grownup carrying a stroller and a child, plus one tote bag, and the problem is the same.

In fact, I would say that a slim stroller is probably the most sensible way to corral the stuff. The kid and the stroller become a single  low, easy-to-maneuver, smoothly moving p=object. Until someone stands in the aisle.

(also, NYCs subways have people standing in the aisles, so they're not very wide.)

I guess she contributed to the problem by getting on the train in the first place. But personally, I'll excuse her for living.

It's been a rough couple of days, and that really made me laugh. thank you, love it!

I just wanted to add: not everyone has the full control of their facial expressions. I don't mean medically. I've had people think that I was really angry with them or strongly disagreed with them, when in fact I was simply just listening and trying to understand. (maybe my 'trying to understand face' looks like 'strong disagreeing'.) I really can't see why any parent would object to someone asking their kids to sit down. It's possible that in the activity of the train and because she was in the middle of a  conversation, the mom too was not processing the situation as fast as one would have hoped, and had on her 'trying to understand' face which then appeared as displeased.

Hollanda

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Re: Was I Rude?
« Reply #32 on: July 21, 2013, 02:47:30 PM »
There was no real problem with getting the buggy down the aisle. There was clearance space either side so no reason for anyone sitting down to move.  Nobody was in front of us except the children messing about. The people behind DH wouldn't have seen what was causing the hold up as DH had the changing bag to carry and that's bulky. The buggy is light weight and small in size. Pretty much the smallest possible buggy.

It was a lose lose situation now I've thought it over. Take him out and carry? Risk of tantrums or of him squirming from my grasp (unsafe on a train!). In addition as PPs pointed out,  DH would have had to carry the bag whilst folding down the buggy and manipulate the two bulky things down the aisle whilst I carry a likely screaming and squirming son. The people behind us and those already seated would have disliked that more I think! Or just push him quietly through,  making it clear to seated passengers that we're doing our best and trying to get from one end to the other with as little fuss as possible? Before I had DS I would likely not have realised the logic, but when in that situation one jjust tries as best they can not to cause conflict.

Ps thanks Toots. So relieved about that lol! Xxx

I've seen mothers push huge buggies in trains that do cause problems.  But now I understand why they've done it!


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kherbert05

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Re: Was I Rude?
« Reply #33 on: July 21, 2013, 03:08:08 PM »
Nobody's saying the kids weren't in the wrong, daisy1679 (although as has been pointed out, they probably didn't get the subtlety of 'excuse me' meaning Hollanda wanted to get past, and they did sit down when asked to more specifically). What we are saying is that had she not been attempting to take the stroller down there, holding up all the people behind her in the process, and which isn't really the done thing, this exchange never would have needed to happen in the first place.

This just isn't the done thing in my neck of the woods. Perhaps in Hollanda's part of the country people wouldn't bat an eyelid at it, but here it would likely get you looked at a bit funny. Prams create all sorts of awful bottlenecks on the transport where I live (ever seen one on a rush hour bus?), which is why we have the 'fold up the stroller' rule, albeit sometimes unspoken.


I disagree with the bolded. The kids were the cause of the bottle neck. The aisle in the picture looks like an aisle on an airplane. In my experience you don't pass people, even small kids in airplane aisle without brushing up. With bags, and toddler, and a folded up stroller (which had to be carried to the back because the front storage area was full) - they would have had difficulty fitting past the boys in the aisle without banging into them  with something. The rude one here was the adult with the boys. She did not make sure they were out of the way so people could board.


The OP was confronted with an unusual situation and made a snap judgment about the most efficient way to finish boarding, and now knows that taking her son out of the stroller will be a better way to deal with a similar situation. Should she and her DH have gotten off the train, when they realized the front storage are was full, making those behind them also get off? Would they have had enough time to get on another car?
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Sharnita

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Re: Was I Rude?
« Reply #34 on: July 21, 2013, 09:42:18 PM »
I don't think it needs to ne an either/or situation. I also don't know if the mom wss making a "you are asking my kids to sit" face or a "you are.pushing a stroller.down the narrow aisle" face.

TootsNYC

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Re: Was I Rude?
« Reply #35 on: July 21, 2013, 09:53:12 PM »
the "stroller down the narrow aisle" thing is a complete red herring.

Look at that picture! A human being will fill it up, and the OP said her stroller *did* fit. So it's not like the stroller was taking up any more room than a single grownup would. (and the kid, stroller, and diaper bag would probably hit some poor schlub in the head)


Hollanda--is that photo accurate to the train aisle you are talking about?

Mental Magpie

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Re: Was I Rude?
« Reply #36 on: July 21, 2013, 10:17:21 PM »
the "stroller down the narrow aisle" thing is a complete red herring.

Look at that picture! A human being will fill it up, and the OP said her stroller *did* fit. So it's not like the stroller was taking up any more room than a single grownup would. (and the kid, stroller, and diaper bag would probably hit some poor schlub in the head)


Hollanda--is that photo accurate to the train aisle you are talking about?

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LeveeWoman

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Re: Was I Rude?
« Reply #37 on: July 21, 2013, 11:46:28 PM »
the "stroller down the narrow aisle" thing is a complete red herring.

Look at that picture! A human being will fill it up, and the OP said her stroller *did* fit. So it's not like the stroller was taking up any more room than a single grownup would. (and the kid, stroller, and diaper bag would probably hit some poor schlub in the head)


Hollanda--is that photo accurate to the train aisle you are talking about?

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Hollanda

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Re: Was I Rude?
« Reply #38 on: July 22, 2013, 04:12:54 AM »
Toots yeah the picture is accurate.  The buggy is no wider than I am, we've used it since. It won't hold DS for much longer.


Sorry it took me so long to reply, been a busy morning!
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