Author Topic: How to politely say... "I'm almost an adult?"  (Read 2234 times)

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bellacullen

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How to politely say... "I'm almost an adult?"
« on: July 20, 2013, 04:07:08 PM »
OK so my parents took my car away for the summer.

How can I get them to understand they are being totally unfair and get them to see that in 6 months they won't be able to control me any longer? Without screaming and acting like the child they think I am.

I'm looking for a polite phrase to let them know they are only making it so that once I do turn 18 I will no longer speak to them.

Thanks for your help.

Amara

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Re: How to politely say... "I'm almost an adult?"
« Reply #1 on: July 20, 2013, 04:13:08 PM »
Why did they take the car away? Who paid for the car, and who pays the ongoing costs?

snowdragon

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Re: How to politely say... "I'm almost an adult?"
« Reply #2 on: July 20, 2013, 04:15:35 PM »
To me it would depend on what you did that they resorted to taking away your car and if they own the car. Sorry, but even if you turn 18 - if they own the car, they can refuse you use of it. ( If they own it, it would not matter if you just turned 70, they could 'take it way' if they chose.
  Also, the silent treatment is a pretty harsh way to deal with issues, unless they are outright abusive. Especially if you are living in their home. Keeping the bridges of communication open would the way to go, IMHO. There is no polite way to tell anyone that unless they give X you will no longer talk to them.
  In order to earn back the use of the car, you need to prove they can trust you again, and then maintain that trust.

delabela

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Re: How to politely say... "I'm almost an adult?"
« Reply #3 on: July 20, 2013, 04:42:15 PM »
I think the mature and effective way of handling it would be to address the underlying issues. 

I don't know what the issue is, but let's say it's that they are unhappy with the hours that you come home.  You could ask them to sit down with you and explain why this is a problem.  Does it disrupt the household if you come home late?  Do you rely on them to get you up for school/work and it's hard if you are keeping late hours?  Then see if there is a solution.  Can you agree to be in by a specific time on nights people have work the next day, etc?  If you address the actual issues rather than just demanding the car back, you might have more success.

Camarynne

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Re: How to politely say... "I'm almost an adult?"
« Reply #4 on: July 20, 2013, 04:48:07 PM »
Reality is that if there name is anywhere on that car, and/or their money is involved with it, they will have some control of course.  If you live in their home, they will have some control over what happens also. There had to be some incident that triggered this..instead of being furious and making life uncomfortable there, try to do what I insisted my daughter learn to do. Put yourself in their exact position the best you can, and tell the story from their side, their point of view. It might give you some clarity and help you think of ways to show them that you are willing to listen to and work with them.
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Harriet Jones

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Re: How to politely say... "I'm almost an adult?"
« Reply #5 on: July 20, 2013, 04:48:24 PM »
Why did they take the car away? Who paid for the car, and who pays the ongoing costs?

This.  Car payment, insurance payment, maintenance, gas?  IIRC, your parents have given you a credit card you use to pay for gas.  How much of the rest of your life are they paying for?  Will they be paying for your college or other further schooling?   If the silent treatment at age 18 is where you're wanting to go, please be aware that it can go both ways and they don't have to fund your life at that point.

MariaE

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Re: How to politely say... "I'm almost an adult?"
« Reply #6 on: July 20, 2013, 04:49:32 PM »
Who owns the car?
Who pays for the ongoing costs of the car?
Why did they take it away from you?

The answers to these - especially the two first - make all the difference in how to handle this.
 
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cass2591

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Re: How to politely say... "I'm almost an adult?"
« Reply #7 on: July 20, 2013, 04:50:15 PM »
OK so my parents took my car away for the summer.

How can I get them to understand they are being totally unfair and get them to see that in 6 months they won't be able to control me any longer? Without screaming and acting like the child they think I am.

I'm looking for a polite phrase to let them know they are only making it so that once I do turn 18 I will no longer speak to them.
Thanks for your help.

There's absolutely no way you can tell them that without sounding like the petulant 17 y/o I was. You're going to be an adult so I suggest you start practicing now and either accept what they did or discuss it with them rationally. By rationally I mean no accusations, threats, etc.

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