General Etiquette > Family and Children

Broken Record: Ask Your Brother!!!! (The Continuing Saga of DH's Sister)

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gramma dishes:
If she really NEEDS the bed, there are ways to get financial help with that.  But if she just WANTS the bed because she thinks it will be good for her condition, there are also less expensive alternatives. 

If the mattress she's now using is in reasonably good condition, it is possible to get a fairly thick "memory" type foam topper.  Much less expensive than buying a whole new bed or even a new mattress.  And even for that, she should be able to get financial aid if her doctor thinks it's an actual requirement for her healing. 

I think you were smart to forewarn your husband that this subject might be coming up.  It gives the two of you an opportunity to work on a plan for his response. 

But please don't go out for any more lunches with her!  They seem to end badly.    :-\

AvidReader:
OTOH, you write that you reported this conversation to your DH.  That doesn't necessarily mean that you asked for the money on SIL's behalf.  (It doesn't sound like it to me.)  I consider that your DH is forwarned.  His sister may work up the nerve to ask him directly for the money.  He should have an answer for her at the ready, as it appears you are a bit strapped for cash at the moment.
 
Had you not reported this conversation to your DH, he might have fielded her request stone cold and committed to something that would not be in your best interests as a couple.

Lesson learned.  Don't cave to your SIL's entreaties.  Keep up the broken record act. 

BarensMom:

--- Quote from: gramma dishes on July 21, 2013, 11:13:24 AM ---If she really NEEDS the bed, there are ways to get financial help with that.  But if she just WANTS the bed because she thinks it will be good for her condition, there are also less expensive alternatives. 

If the mattress she's now using is in reasonably good condition, it is possible to get a fairly thick "memory" type foam topper.  Much less expensive than buying a whole new bed or even a new mattress.  And even for that, she should be able to get financial aid if her doctor thinks it's an actual requirement for her healing. 

I think you were smart to forewarn your husband that this subject might be coming up.  It gives the two of you an opportunity to work on a plan for his response. 

But please don't go out for any more lunches with her!  They seem to end badly.    :-\

--- End quote ---

You're right about that - I start to feel bad for her because she's alone and disabled, but it always bites me.

I asked her about the foam toppers - my parents each had one during their final illnesses and it helped with their sores.  She said, "But I want a new bed."  I told DH that if a topper was good enough for my parents, it should be good enough for her. 

*inviteseller:
I would have your DH give her information on applying for medicare/medical instead of handing her money.  Why should she do anything for herself if the Bank of DH is always open??  It is not fair for your DH to cut you guys short to pay for her necessities..yeah, she has issues, but you and he and your responsibilities come way before hers.  I applaud your backbone in dealing with her, and it sounds like DH is trying to get a spine. And she 'wants' a new bed??   Well we all want things, but most adults know the needs come before wants, and if the want is a big enough priority, you save for one, not expect everyone else to provide it for you.

My DD is your SIL in the making and I am being 'mean' in teaching her that family can be a source of support, but not your personal bank because you make unwise decisions and choices. 

Zizi-K:

--- Quote from: BarensMom on July 21, 2013, 11:09:58 AM ---
--- Quote from: Zizi-K on July 21, 2013, 11:08:13 AM ---Can I just ask why you didn't say no? If she can get the money thru Medicaid, it sounds like a no-brainer.

--- End quote ---

Per agreement, DH controls the finances in our household.

--- End quote ---

Ah, ok. I do seem to remember something vaguely about that in a previous thread. Controlling finances is one thing (being in charge of checkbooks, credit cards, budget, etc) but I think it's unwise for you to not even have power if veto. From what you said, it sounds like you really can't afford it, and it doesn't make sense to put all the decision-making power with someone who will make bad decisions on the basis of emotions and family guilt trips.

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