Author Topic: Generic Graduation Thank you.  (Read 2989 times)

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jaxsue

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Re: Generic Graduation Thank you.
« Reply #15 on: July 20, 2013, 11:42:08 AM »
I totally understand.

Our family went out of town to the wedding of the daughter of friends the first weekend in January. We brought a nice gift (not cash - either cash or other gifts are considered appropriate in this part of the US).
We got the TY this week. "Thank you for coming to our wedding! Thanks also for the generous gift. Love, Bride and Groom".

It was obvious that great care was taken with every aspect of this wedding. The STD cards, invitations and TY postcards all had the same theme, for example. I understand that the B & G are still in college and were busy at school. Still not an excuse in my book. Plus the fact that it was pretty obvious that they don't even remember what we gave them left a somewhat bad taste in my mouth.

I'd feel the same way. IMHO, wedding gifts are the one time people should put effort into the TY cards. Most guests give nice gifts for this, whether it's a hefty check or expensive china. I am happy with a 3-line TY note, as long as it mentions the gift. I'm old-school, I know.  :P

CrazyDaffodilLady

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Re: Generic Graduation Thank you.
« Reply #16 on: July 20, 2013, 02:05:46 PM »
It's amazing how quickly some people can find the time to deposit a check but can't find time to acknowledge the gift.  Someone once told me that cashing the check was their acknowledgement.  Yeah, and the fact that you'll never get another gift from me is an acknowledgement of how I feel about your manners.

The awkwardly worded impersonal TY received by the O.P. was crass, but I suppose it was better than nothing. :-\  I'd be most offended that "the graduate" couldn't be bothered to sign the card.

I've actually had young relatives write "Thanks" on the back of a check when they deposit it and think that counted as a TY note.  I don't know if they still do this since I never see real checks any more. 
« Last Edit: July 20, 2013, 02:08:24 PM by CrazyDaffodilLady »
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GSNW

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Re: Generic Graduation Thank you.
« Reply #17 on: July 20, 2013, 02:22:12 PM »
Maybe it's just me, but I would be a little confused at receiving an announcement when I've never met the graduate or his parents.  This just seems like treating the grad announcement as an investment.

magician5

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Re: Generic Graduation Thank you.
« Reply #18 on: July 20, 2013, 02:27:52 PM »
I assume I just have to suck it up? I feel like saying anything might be considered rude, however if this is how cousin is going to be, should I ever get a wedding invite down the line or a birth announcement, I'm going to be hard pressed to send anything.

What are your alternatives? An outraged letter?

You might desire in your heart to do that (I certainly would) but IMO the most you can reasonably do is use this evidence to form your own opinion about the person. Which is exactly what your second sentence says. And you're very much justified in doing that.
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MOM21SON

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Re: Generic Graduation Thank you.
« Reply #19 on: July 20, 2013, 06:32:45 PM »
As someone who gave generous cash gifts to graduates of my friends, I am jealous that you got even that note!  I got a big fat nothing.

GrammarNerd

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Re: Generic Graduation Thank you.
« Reply #20 on: July 20, 2013, 10:31:34 PM »
I haven't had really any graduations to attend yet, except for my nephews (and of course they'd get a gift).  But I was invited to a wedding a couple of years ago for a second cousin.  Gave a gift (a very well-thought-out gift, if I may say, with a story/history behind it, which I also relayed to the bridal couple).  This was in early June.  In late September, I got a thank you.  It was a preprinted photo of the couple that said, "Thank you for sharing our day with us." That was it.  No mention of the gift and nothing handwritten.

I thought that perhaps they somehow didn't get the gift , until my sister said she got the same TY.  I came to the conclusion that my gift (or any of the gifts, for that matter) just didn't matter to them enough to actually put forth the time to write a line to thank the giver specifically for the present, nor for the time I spent picking the present out, relating my story/history, etc.  And that's fine; if it's not to their taste, so be it.  It's too bad that they couldn't see fit to actually thank us for the gift, but that's, I suppose, their right.

But I have to admit that it clouded my view of them when I got invited to a baby shower a year after that.  Because no, I then had no interest in putting more effort into gifting them with something (for an obvious gift-giving occasion) when the previous gift was never even acknowledged, let alone have appreciation expressed for it.  Thus, the thank you note (or lack thereof) for the previous gift DID affect my view of them.  I wish them well, but I'm not going to put forth any more time or money to gift them for anything again.

Library Dragon

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Re: Generic Graduation Thank you.
« Reply #21 on: July 20, 2013, 11:48:11 PM »
On the two month lag...Do you know what was going on in the grad's life?  I ask this because DS1 did have a multi-month lag in sending out TY notes.  Why?

1. He almost immediately he left for Army officer's training for 8 weeks.
2. Then he went directly to an intensive educational prep at the military college he was attending. 

He barely spoke to us via phone for 2 months.  When he finally surfaced for air he had a few days and quickly sent out thank you notes, returned letters, etc.  And yes, he used printed mailing labels and worked from the list he had with him. 

One of the reasons DS2 refused a HS graduation party and announcements was that he was too busy transitioning from a part time college student to full time, and working two jobs (his choice in his quest to not ask us to put him through school).  The second, and I believe the main reason, is that dealing with his dyslexia and the idea of writing dozens of notes stressed him out. 

If your graduate lounged around the pool for two months than that's poor manners.  If he was honestly busy than two months goes by very quickly. 

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nolechica

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Re: Generic Graduation Thank you.
« Reply #22 on: July 21, 2013, 12:11:35 AM »
I didn't get some of my notes after high school because I went abroad 5 days after graduation and then started school again 3 days after I returned.  I had wrote mine, but learned a lesson about how tedious it was an shortened my list for my BA and then again for my MS. I'd much rather make a phone call or send an e-mail than hand write anything.

Oh Joy

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Re: Generic Graduation Thank you.
« Reply #23 on: July 21, 2013, 07:18:02 AM »
...
It was obvious that great care was taken with every aspect of this wedding.
...

You've had me thinking about the boundless energy and time some people put into planning and executing their events, handcrafting elements like invitations and decorations.  Then how much more of a shame - almost an insult, really - it is when the follow-up doesn't have the same level of care.  Probably not a new thought for most people, just for me.

Then also how different the graduation parties I've known have been from this structure, as the parents do almost all of the planning and execution, then the graduate is expected (rightly so) to do this one thing after growing accustomed to not being expected to help much.

I'll have to chew on this a bit more.  Thanks for the food for thought.

jpcher

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Re: Generic Graduation Thank you.
« Reply #24 on: July 21, 2013, 02:45:09 PM »
Maybe it's just me, but I would be a little confused at receiving an announcement when I've never met the graduate or his parents.  This just seems like treating the grad announcement as an investment.

No, it's not just you. Occasionally I'll receive an announcement from a cousin (that I haven't seen or talked to in 20+ years) who's son/daughter is graduating or getting married. I just give a private little WooHoo! and don't send a gift.

This is precisely why I didn't send a mass-mailing announcement for the DDs HS graduation to the entire extended family. I mean, I don't even send or receive xmas cards to/from them.


Funny story -- about 3 years after LDH and I were married, my parents visited us and presented us with a wedding gift from my aunt that was recently sent to them because Aunt didn't have our address.

A couple of days after the package was delivered to my parent home, my parents received a wedding announcement for one of Aunt's daughters. My mother laughed about it and said "I think that since Aunt sent you a wedding gift, I guess this means that I owe her DD a wedding gift."




Back on topic as for the TY note -- I agree with other posters, at least you got something!

I'm really not fond of the generic notes, however "The Graduate says thanks!" could easily have been rewritten as "I thank you so much for your gift." It's generic, but still more personal.

I'm wondering what sort of TYnote people received if they gave a pen/pencil set instead of money.



Much to my ("old-fashioned" etiquette) chagrin the DDs prefer to make a TY phone call instead of writing TYnotes. They say that a phone call is more personal and they get to talk to the gift giver. Hey, whatever works for them. At least they're recognizing the gift and saying thank you.

I think that a phone call is much better than a generic TY.




(edited to add a word)
« Last Edit: July 21, 2013, 02:53:55 PM by jpcher »

Lady Snowdon

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Re: Generic Graduation Thank you.
« Reply #25 on: July 22, 2013, 06:43:20 AM »
I really don't like the photographic TY notes that seem to be spreading in popularity for weddings/graduations.  They take sooo long to arrive for the HC/graduate and then it takes even longer to go through the postal system. 

The photographer that DH and I hired for our wedding offered to do photographic TY notes, and the process that she set forth was just too much.  First we'd meet with her sometime after our honeymoon to pick out the photos we wanted.  Then she'd create what we wanted, and we'd either meet with her and confirm or do that via email.  Then she'd have to send it away somewhere to actually be done.  When the notes came in, she'd call us and we'd have to go to her studio and pick them up.  We went through that process for some photo albums we wanted and it took 3 months!  We were married in August and didn't get the last bits we'd ordered until just before Thanksgiving. 

Whenever there's been a long delay with notes and we end up getting a photographic one, I always just assume the delay was due to the process of getting the notes themselves, not people procrastinating. 

bopper

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Re: Generic Graduation Thank you.
« Reply #26 on: July 22, 2013, 12:45:21 PM »
Part of the reason of a thank you note is to acknowledge that they received your gift.  That they did.
The other reason is to show genuine thanks.  That they did not.

If this bothers you, then you know not to send a gift for the wedding announcement you are sure to get sometime in the future.

Daquiri40

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Re: Generic Graduation Thank you.
« Reply #27 on: July 22, 2013, 03:18:01 PM »
Quote
I really don't like the photographic TY notes that seem to be spreading in popularity for weddings/graduations.  They take sooo long to arrive for the HC/graduate and then it takes even longer to go through the postal system.

I got one of these for my niece's graduation.  I didn't care for it either.  I gave a generous $$$ gift and felt like it wasn't really acknowledged.  I do not need a ten page letter but a handwritten thank you would have been nice.

MariaE

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Re: Generic Graduation Thank you.
« Reply #28 on: July 23, 2013, 12:46:26 AM »
I really don't like the photographic TY notes that seem to be spreading in popularity for weddings/graduations.  They take sooo long to arrive for the HC/graduate and then it takes even longer to go through the postal system. 

I'm the exact opposite. I don' care about 'formal' TY notes at all (send me an email, thank me in person or over the phone, I don't care) except for the photographic ones. And I'll be honest, if I attended a (Danish) wedding or baptism and receive a non photographic TY note, I would get slightly disappointed. Fortunately that's never happened  ;D
 
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