General Etiquette > Family and Children

Dear Prudence: My MIL redecorated my house

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lowspark:
The MIL did all this in ONE weekend?
And the LW is questioning if this is all OK?

I'm really having trouble believing this one, sorry.

Judah:

--- Quote from: Winterlight on July 23, 2013, 10:06:20 AM ---Change the locks. Get counselling. If he doesn't get it, change the boyfriend.

Yikes!!!

--- End quote ---

This. My mother's sisters-in-law did this to her once. ONCE. The opportunity for it to happen again was never given.

SuperMartianRobotGirl:
It feels like she was snooping and thought "redecorating" would be her loophole. She'd have an excuse to go through everything. I mean, redecorating doesn't usually involve your medicine cabinet and bedroom drawers.

I would be livid.

Asharah:
Somewhere in the old archives is a story where a woman's new MIL did something similar while they were on their honeymoon. She rearranged the kitchen & bathroom and opened all their wedding presents. Wife was upset, husband thought she was overreacting. She knew he had a large number of women working in his office and suggested he relate the story to them and ask their opinions. Being told by a large number of women that Mommy Dearest was way out of line forced him to face reality and forced him to lay down and enforce some boundaries.

VorFemme:
VorGuy's mother made & hung curtains in his house (master bedroom) before we were married - but he expected that and knew the curtains were coming as he had asked for them (broke college student who needed curtains for his bedroom in his "new" house - he was 22 and using the GI Bill after Vietnam - it would have taken a long time for him to buy any kind of curtains).

We lived with those curtains until we moved out and rented the house - for all I know the renter (who bought the house from us about thirty years ago) still has them in her bedroom.  Or replaced them after buying the house - I don't know nor do I care.

But - unless your MIL is one of the designers on a tv show whose taste you've enthused about (there are a couple of designers on HGTV that I would LOVE to have redo my house) and you haven't ASKED to have the house redone - then the boundaries that have been crossed are way, way too far out to be believed.

Seriously - her MIL is completely out of touch on how to treat her adult son and his SO - what would she have said to HER MIL thirty or so years ago if the same thing had happened to her house with FIL? 

The keys need to be changed, the moat needs to be stocked with alligators and piranha, and MIL needs to have everything that wasn't agreed to (the pictures that were mentioned) taken off the walls, the throw pillows off the sofa, etc. and taken back to her.

Going through the underwear drawer, the laptop, the nightstand, and tossing out the DIL's personal things (it sounds like some VERY personal things) is the kind of thing that STALKERS do!  NOT your SO's mother!

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