Author Topic: [Ask Amy 7/22] Son's Girlfriend gained weight...  (Read 7955 times)

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Cz. Burrito

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[Ask Amy 7/22] Son's Girlfriend gained weight...
« on: July 23, 2013, 11:44:13 AM »
http://www.startribune.com/lifestyle/relationship/216472821.html

If ever there were a time for Complete Silence I'd say this would be it.  So that she can focus on losing the ~145+130 lbs that are terribly concerned for her "health."

gollymolly2

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Re: [Ask Amy 7/22] Son's Girlfriend gained weight...
« Reply #1 on: July 23, 2013, 12:14:35 PM »
Yeah, I saw that too and couldn't believe it. I already am thankful I have such a nice, enjoyable MIL. But now that I went on birth control and abruptly gained 35 pounds and I see how a MIL could react, I'm VERY thankful.

Cz. Burrito

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Re: [Ask Amy 7/22] Son's Girlfriend gained weight...
« Reply #2 on: July 23, 2013, 12:26:24 PM »
I have a friend who abruptly gained 50 lbs after going on birth control.  But apparently since it never happened to her, this must just be about being lazy and eating a lot of pizza and not "taking care of herself."

Not that the issue at hand here actually has anything to do with why she gained the weight and if she is or is not healthy at this new weight and/or if there are underlying health problems that should be addressed.   >:(

Piratelvr1121

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Re: [Ask Amy 7/22] Son's Girlfriend gained weight...
« Reply #3 on: July 23, 2013, 12:33:46 PM »
Reading things like that make me wish I could contact the girlfriend and tell her to get out, now.  Some people are so unbelievably shallow.

It also makes me immensely thankful for my own MIL who, when I gained weight after having my third child in my 30's, she only ever said I look good and healthy.  And has never once made a negative comment about my weight in the 15 years I've been with her son. 
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

Yvaine

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Re: [Ask Amy 7/22] Son's Girlfriend gained weight...
« Reply #4 on: July 23, 2013, 01:01:11 PM »
This girlfriend is in for a world of hurt if she stays with this guy. I'm sure the LW's utter lack of boundaries will bleed over into other areas of life as well. I can just see the future letters now: My DIL doesn't clean the house exactly like I do! My DIL doesn't raise the kids the way I want her to!

Jones

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Re: [Ask Amy 7/22] Son's Girlfriend gained weight...
« Reply #5 on: July 23, 2013, 01:20:32 PM »
What an absolutely meddlesome woman. I will admit, my MIL came to me concerned last year when DH mentioned I was planning on losing 60 pounds. It was true concern though, and she accepted what I said and didn't gossip behind my back after the conversation. When the girl in the letter injured her foot, gained more pounds due to her BC, and stated to the BF's mom that she had accepted her new body, that should be the END of it. The girl was a teen when they started dating, the early adult years are a time for the body to change and curves to finish settling in.

I hope she has a spine and runs from these people. Obviously their lives are not comfortably compatible.

Cz. Burrito

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Re: [Ask Amy 7/22] Son's Girlfriend gained weight...
« Reply #6 on: July 23, 2013, 02:45:00 PM »
What an absolutely meddlesome woman. I will admit, my MIL came to me concerned last year when DH mentioned I was planning on losing 60 pounds. It was true concern though, and she accepted what I said and didn't gossip behind my back after the conversation. When the girl in the letter injured her foot, gained more pounds due to her BC, and stated to the BF's mom that she had accepted her new body, that should be the END of it. The girl was a teen when they started dating, the early adult years are a time for the body to change and curves to finish settling in.

I hope she has a spine and runs from these people. Obviously their lives are not comfortably compatible.

Yeah, expecting anybody to forever maintain the body they had at 18 is ridiculous.  At 18, you're still developing, your menstrual/hormone cycles can still be wonky and not well-established...not to mention the changes her body will go through if she has children that may or may not be reversible.  Or if her low weight was because she was working out 1-2 hours a day and finds she doesn't have that time anymore when she gets a full-time job and can only manage a few times a week.  Or if she has a more permanent injury! Goodness! Bodies changes, circumstances change, lifestyles change, etc.  There is a very large window of "healthy" that people can fluctuate within during their lifetime before weight (whether too low or too high) legitimately negatively impacts health.  And when it does? Still not the MIL's business!
« Last Edit: July 23, 2013, 02:46:57 PM by Cz. Burrito »

Piratelvr1121

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Re: [Ask Amy 7/22] Son's Girlfriend gained weight...
« Reply #7 on: July 23, 2013, 02:55:47 PM »
Absolutely.  Which is why I growl when I hear the phrase "Keep your girlish figure!!"  My mother seemed to be of the mind that a woman had to keep a girlish figure to keep a man interested.

Yet DH has stated he finds me more attractive when I'm not skin and bone, and right now I'd say I weigh about 15lbs more than I did when we started dating (when we were 19), yet he still thinks I look good in a bathing suit. :)
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

LeveeWoman

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Re: [Ask Amy 7/22] Son's Girlfriend gained weight...
« Reply #8 on: July 23, 2013, 04:09:45 PM »
I'd run like the people of Rohan fleeing the orcs!

Twik

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Re: [Ask Amy 7/22] Son's Girlfriend gained weight...
« Reply #9 on: July 23, 2013, 04:33:19 PM »
You know, I suspect that the son is not the one with the problem.

The mother, I think, has less concern for the GF's "health," and more for her own status. After all, she's a fine figure of a woman, and has a "handsome, fit" son. Everyone will see that they are the model of caloric morality. But wait - O NOES! He's dating a FAT girl! What will the neighbours think of them! GF had better start looking the part of her possible DIL, or move on.
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mharbourgirl

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Re: [Ask Amy 7/22] Son's Girlfriend gained weight...
« Reply #10 on: July 24, 2013, 09:27:10 AM »
Actually, I DO think the son is the one with the problem.  He's discussing his *girlfriend's* body and his perception of her weight issues with *his mother*.  Why is he not discussing it with the GF and not involving his Mommy at all? Why is his mother's opinion of his girlfriend's body even a thing for him?  Dude seriously need to cut the cord.  If he can't, GF needs to find someone who isn't already married to his mom.

cwm

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Re: [Ask Amy 7/22] Son's Girlfriend gained weight...
« Reply #11 on: July 24, 2013, 10:03:23 AM »
I'd run like the people of Rohan fleeing the orcs!

Dropping in to second this. This comment has been the best thing I've seen so far this morning.

Pen^2

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Re: [Ask Amy 7/22] Son's Girlfriend gained weight...
« Reply #12 on: July 24, 2013, 01:31:39 PM »
Ergh, reading that link was a task and a half. It was dripping unpleasantness and self-righteousness.

The mother is very clearly after the appearance side of things. "My son is very handsome" --why is this relevant? Oh, right, it only makes sense in the context that you want a pretty family (that gives status). It reads, "my son is good looking but his girlfriend isn't. THIS IS A PROBLEM SOMEHOW. How unacceptable for him to be with someone who is less than stunning!"

"She's endangering her health as well as hurting her appearance"--why is the appearance mentioned so often? The awful woman injects "oh and her health also, yeah, that" after the appearance most times, but sometimes doesn't even bother pretending that she's worried about the poor girl's health. And 150lb is above average, sure, but not something I'd see a doctor about.

"I hate to see this beautiful girl... risk losing him because she is not taking care of herself." Yep, that's right, in a world where appearances are so ridiculously important, relationships end because someone gains 30lb. The "health issues" from gaining 30lb over 3 years (are there any?) aren't going to end anything. But a shallow person would very easily end a relationship if they felt the other person wasn't pretty enough.

Run, girl! Or stay with a boy who doesn't understand boundaries and has yet to cut the umbilical cord (who tells anyone, let alone their mother, that stuff!??), and be stuck for the rest of your life with his shallow, judgemental woman taking mental notes every time you eat a slice of pizza!

LeveeWoman

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Re: [Ask Amy 7/22] Son's Girlfriend gained weight...
« Reply #13 on: July 24, 2013, 01:36:18 PM »
Ergh, reading that link was a task and a half. It was dripping unpleasantness and self-righteousness.

The mother is very clearly after the appearance side of things. "My son is very handsome" --why is this relevant? Oh, right, it only makes sense in the context that you want a pretty family (that gives status). It reads, "my son is good looking but his girlfriend isn't. THIS IS A PROBLEM SOMEHOW. How unacceptable for him to be with someone who is less than stunning!"

"She's endangering her health as well as hurting her appearance"--why is the appearance mentioned so often? The awful woman injects "oh and her health also, yeah, that" after the appearance most times, but sometimes doesn't even bother pretending that she's worried about the poor girl's health. And 150lb is above average, sure, but not something I'd see a doctor about.

"I hate to see this beautiful girl... risk losing him because she is not taking care of herself." Yep, that's right, in a world where appearances are so ridiculously important, relationships end because someone gains 30lb. The "health issues" from gaining 30lb over 3 years (are there any?) aren't going to end anything. But a shallow person would very easily end a relationship if they felt the other person wasn't pretty enough.

Run, girl! Or stay with a boy who doesn't understand boundaries and has yet to cut the umbilical cord (who tells anyone, let alone their mother, that stuff!??), and be stuck for the rest of your life with his shallow, judgemental woman taking mental notes every time you eat a slice of pizza!

I'm wondering if her son even said anything to her. Perhaps she's claiming he did so because she thinks this lends credence and support to her snotty attitude.

Yvaine

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Re: [Ask Amy 7/22] Son's Girlfriend gained weight...
« Reply #14 on: July 24, 2013, 01:36:45 PM »
Actually, I DO think the son is the one with the problem.  He's discussing his *girlfriend's* body and his perception of her weight issues with *his mother*.  Why is he not discussing it with the GF and not involving his Mommy at all? Why is his mother's opinion of his girlfriend's body even a thing for him?  Dude seriously need to cut the cord.  If he can't, GF needs to find someone who isn't already married to his mom.

Eh, I'm inclined to wonder whether the mother isn't putting words in his mouth. I could totally see her prodding and prodding him until finally he said "well, I guess maybe I prefer her a little thinner" and she blew it up into something that was in line with her obsession.