Author Topic: Boss attempts a guilt trip... help!!  (Read 6676 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Dawse

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 148
Boss attempts a guilt trip... help!!
« on: July 23, 2013, 07:39:15 PM »
Okay, so I'm hoping some people out there might have some advice on how to handle a situation arising this week at work.

This is going to require a little background, so bear with me.
1. I currently work in a small-ish pub style restaurant, both front and back of house depending on business needs. I generally get on reasonably well with my boss ('Jane'), although I find sometimes find her a little hard to work with (she often refuses to admit when she's wrong, for example).
2. The assistant manager ('Louise') is leaving this week; her last day is Friday.
3. I am currently not scheduled to work this Saturday, although I have agreed to work until three as a favour to 'Dave', the head chef, in order to cover a colleague who will be visiting his daughter until then.
4. Unfortunately, Jane has scheduled Louise to work on Saturday, a day she can't work - as she had expected her last day to be Friday, she has made plans on Saturday.

With all that in mind, you can probably see where this is going, can't you?

Louise has already asked me (via text) if we can swap shifts so that she would work my Thursday shift and me her Saturday. I said no (politely), I had plans.

Jane has now started with constant asking, pestering, trying to make me a deal to get me to work on Saturday. It's getting more difficult to say no politely as I'm starting to get really annoyed - shouldn't one round of asking and declining be enough? She's currently going with the 'but if you don't work I will be short staffed angle'. I'm now at the point where I just want to snap back 'well that's not really my problem at this point, YOU should have done the rota right the first $£*& time'. That probably sounds harsh - but this isn't the first time Jane has done the rota incorrectly and then had to scramble to fix her own mistake.

What I'm concerned about as well is that I actually don't have firm plans for Saturday night yet so I'm worried I'm going to cave just to shut her up - and I'll then resent myself for giving in (my spine could probably do with some reinforcing). I rarely get a Saturday off and as my boyfriend does a regular 9-5 being able to just spend the evening together is a rare treat.

So if you've managed this far, I ask you for any insights or advice you may have. Is there anything I can say to make her just back off? I kind of feel a bit like 'not wanting to' isn't really justification to not work - I could, after all - and she IS starting to make me feel bad. But then, a bigger part of me is thinking if she needed me to work on Saturday, she should have scheduled me to in the first place. It's just going round in a circle at the moment and getting nowhere. Help me, ehell, you are my only hope!
'I reject your reality and substitute my own!'

veronaz

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1964
Re: Boss attempts a guilt trip... help!!
« Reply #1 on: July 23, 2013, 07:48:16 PM »
"That won't be possible, I have plans I can't change."
« Last Edit: July 23, 2013, 07:52:53 PM by veronaz »

TootsNYC

  • A Pillar of the Forum
  • *****
  • Posts: 30461
Re: Boss attempts a guilt trip... help!!
« Reply #2 on: July 23, 2013, 07:49:25 PM »
Ummmmm, you do too have solid plans for Saturday night.
Those plans are to spend the time with your boyfriend. You don't have to've picked out the restaurant for it to count!

GSNW

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 544
Re: Boss attempts a guilt trip... help!!
« Reply #3 on: July 23, 2013, 08:14:39 PM »
"That won't be possible, I have plans I can't change."

Repeat repeat repeat.   You can also say, "Jane, you have my sympathy for being in a tough spot, but my plans absolutely cannot be changed.  It's not up for debate, so can we please drop this?"

And Toots is right - you DO have plans. 

siamesecat2965

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 8550
Re: Boss attempts a guilt trip... help!!
« Reply #4 on: July 23, 2013, 08:40:01 PM »
i feel your pain as I used to be a bit more spineless and would hem and haw, feel guilty and cave. now I just say, and repeat if necessary, I'm sorry, I have plans. and I don't JADE. no one has to know that your plans (or mine in most cases) consist of sitting on teh couch watching baseball, a movie etc. theyr'e still plans!

kckgirl

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2876
Re: Boss attempts a guilt trip... help!!
« Reply #5 on: July 23, 2013, 08:42:37 PM »
Don't bail on boyfriend to get Jane off your back. Seeing him is your plan. You have plans!
Maryland

camlan

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 8495
Re: Boss attempts a guilt trip... help!!
« Reply #6 on: July 23, 2013, 08:55:47 PM »
Well, a) you are already working on Saturday and b) you already have plans for Saturday evening.

People go to the easiest solution for them. For Jane, that is convincing you to work on Saturday. However, that is not the easiest solution for you. And besides, you are already working on your "day off" as a favor. Just how many favors are expected of you at this place?

Just as Louise made plans because she wasn't expecting to work on Saturday, you have made plans because you weren't expecting to work Saturday night.

Jane created the problem. She needs to solve it. You do not.

Come up with a response to Jane's pestering. Use it, and only it, every time she asks. You can't stop her asking, but you can control your reaction to her.

"Jane, I'm sorry, but as I've said, I have plans for Saturday night, as I am not scheduled to work then."

Do not, whatever you do, give the slightest hint of what those plans are. If you do, Jane will use that information to pester you even more to change your plans.

"Jane, what my plans are isn't relevant. I have plans. I can't change them. I'm sorry, but I can't work Saturday night."

Jane is trying to get you to pay for her mistake. Seriously? Scheduling someone who's no longer working there? Don't let her do it.
Nothing is impossible, the word itself says, “I’m possible!” –Audrey Hepburn


*inviteseller

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1821
  • I am Queen Mommy
Re: Boss attempts a guilt trip... help!!
« Reply #7 on: July 23, 2013, 11:00:30 PM »
She can try all she wants..but no is a complete sentence.  She made the mistake, not you so she has to find another solution.

Coley

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1099
Re: Boss attempts a guilt trip... help!!
« Reply #8 on: July 24, 2013, 07:50:56 AM »
POD to the PPs. Come up with one response to Jane and stick with it. camlan makes a good point about not divulging your specific plans. Jane isn't entitled to that information, and you're not required to justify your plans. You're already doing the chef a favor by working part of Saturday.

The first question that entered my mind when I read the OP was, "What is Jane doing on Saturday?" Because if Jane is planning on a day off, given her scheduling errors, I'm not sure she should be. She created this problem, so it's her responsibility to solve it.

Virg

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 5876
Re: Boss attempts a guilt trip... help!!
« Reply #9 on: July 24, 2013, 10:01:55 AM »
I agree with the others that simply telling her repeatedly that you have plans is going to be the most effective way to deal with it.  That said, if you really feel like you're going to cave in, then at least make sure that caving in will be very beneficial to you.  Make her a hefty offer, like some other night off with pay, and then make a date night out of that night with your BF.  If she won't comp you, then it'll certainly help you stiffen your spine to say you can't do it.

Virg

sarahj21

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 193
Re: Boss attempts a guilt trip... help!!
« Reply #10 on: July 24, 2013, 10:57:11 AM »
The first question that entered my mind when I read the OP was, "What is Jane doing on Saturday?" Because if Jane is planning on a day off, given her scheduling errors, I'm not sure she should be. She created this problem, so it's her responsibility to solve it.

Ahhhh if only it were that simple. But managers' plans are the most important and can never be changed - not to work late to finish their own work, not to cover a sickie and absolutely never to cover their own scheduling mistake. (This is just my take on the very small number of managers I have had while working in retail and not meant as a general comment on managers or other posters.) Also in my experience, if an employee is not rostered for a Saturday, they make plans right away. They will not change said plans to work because having a Saturday off is an amazing thing that must be savoured.

cwm

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2427
Re: Boss attempts a guilt trip... help!!
« Reply #11 on: July 24, 2013, 11:05:13 AM »
One thing I've learned, if I'm planning on being in a different suburb for at least part of the day (which is very likely, there's at least three separate cities in a ten minute drive) is to tell my managers I have plans and will be out of town. Technically it's true, as I won't be in either the same city as my work or the same city I live in. It doesn't matter that I'll be in between at another friend's house, I will be out of the town they want me in.

OP, you have plans Saturday night. It's to sit around and decompress from covering an afternoon shift. If your boss wants you there all day, she should have scheduled you there in the first place. Tell her that you are already covering a shift on Saturday and you have plans Saturday night that cannot be changed. Don't give in. And even if you sit around at home on Saturday night alone, don't feel bad about not working. It's not YOUR fault that the manager couldn't write a schedule properly. She had plenty of warning about this, it shouldn't fall on you to fix it last minute.

NyaChan

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4098
Re: Boss attempts a guilt trip... help!!
« Reply #12 on: July 24, 2013, 11:06:59 AM »
Well, a) you are already working on Saturday and b) you already have plans for Saturday evening.

People go to the easiest solution for them. For Jane, that is convincing you to work on Saturday. However, that is not the easiest solution for you. And besides, you are already working on your "day off" as a favor. Just how many favors are expected of you at this place?

Just as Louise made plans because she wasn't expecting to work on Saturday, you have made plans because you weren't expecting to work Saturday night.

Jane created the problem. She needs to solve it. You do not.

Come up with a response to Jane's pestering. Use it, and only it, every time she asks. You can't stop her asking, but you can control your reaction to her.

"Jane, I'm sorry, but as I've said, I have plans for Saturday night, as I am not scheduled to work then."

Do not, whatever you do, give the slightest hint of what those plans are. If you do, Jane will use that information to pester you even more to change your plans.

"Jane, what my plans are isn't relevant. I have plans. I can't change them. I'm sorry, but I can't work Saturday night."

Jane is trying to get you to pay for her mistake. Seriously? Scheduling someone who's no longer working there? Don't let her do it.

This.  She's pushing you because it is the easiest way for her to make the problem go away.  You absolutely have plans already and you've already come through for them by agreeing to work on your day off - you don't owe them your whole life just because someone else made a mistake. 

HorseFreak

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2752
Re: Boss attempts a guilt trip... help!!
« Reply #13 on: July 24, 2013, 11:07:18 AM »
My boss/office does this to me all the time and it's a slippery slope. It started by asking me to cover an hour on my day off, then when it developed into 2 hours and then boss decided she wasn't going to come in at all and asked me to do some complicated procedures I wasn't comfortable with so she could go to a sports game. We communicate by text so I sent her one back saying, "I need to leave. I took care of everything scheduled except ____ and ____. I am not able to do [complicated task scheduled by her but not written down]." I told the receptionist I had to leave and to contact our boss if anything came up. Even worse, I wasn't going to be paid for doing any of the extras I gave up my day for.

I used to feel bad about saying no, but some people will just take advantage of any perceived good nature. I've also come to realize that reaping the bigger rewards of being an upper staff member or business owner means you may have to put in some extra work and expecting the same devotion from your employees is incredibly unrealistic.

siamesecat2965

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 8550
Re: Boss attempts a guilt trip... help!!
« Reply #14 on: July 24, 2013, 12:49:05 PM »

 Also in my experience, if an employee is not rostered for a Saturday, they make plans right away. They will not change said plans to work because having a Saturday off is an amazing thing that must be savoured.

I totally agree with this statement! My retail job is PT and my second. I generally work 2 nights and Saturday, either day or evening, but am off Sundays. My schedule is so tight on the rare occasions I'm not scheduled at all on a weekend, while I might not have firm plans, it means I can spread out what i need to do, so I'm not rushing around trying to get it done in a day. Thankfully, TPTB have only asked me to work once in a blue moon when I've been off, and have been fine wiht me saying, sorry, i have plans. they don't push, nor do they ask WHAT they are.