Author Topic: My MIL is driving me crazy! Preparing for next week... UPDATE #57  (Read 19868 times)

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Hmmmmm

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Re: My MIL is driving me crazy! Preparing for next week...
« Reply #30 on: July 24, 2013, 06:18:32 PM »
Your MIL's comments about your home are inappropriate but she is not the one who changed your kids' schedules.  That is all on their father. He is the one who allowed the 5 year old to skip camp since he is the one who was supposed tombe taking her. He is the one who allowed his mom to come to your home instead of dropping off the baby at hers. He is the one who allowed his mom to keep the baby overnight and obviously, he liked her cleaning the home while you were gone or he would have put a stop to it.

Since he seems to align with her more than you, I think you can either resign your self to the fact that she and your DH will do as they please while your away or don't go.  And if you do go, let her know your home will be in whatever state her son chooses since he is the one inviting them as guests.

Slartibartfast

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Re: My MIL is driving me crazy! Preparing for next week...
« Reply #31 on: July 24, 2013, 06:20:03 PM »
The closets she mentioned were the front hall closet (which is, indeed, a mess) and Babybartfast's closet (which isn't).  She better not have looked in our master bedroom closet or she might have found some things she wasn't prepared for  >:D  Her point was "What if the guests for the birthday party need somewhere to put their coats and purses and your closet is messy?" and my point is "It's July in the deep south - just who do you think is going to be wearing a coat?"

jedikaiti

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Re: My MIL is driving me crazy! Preparing for next week...
« Reply #32 on: July 24, 2013, 06:22:44 PM »
Snarky says to give her a copy of Emily Post with a couple cute bookmarks stuck in appropriate places. "I saw this and thought of you!"
What part of v_e = \sqrt{\frac{2GM}{r}} don't you understand? It's only rocket science!

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Slartibartfast

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Re: My MIL is driving me crazy! Preparing for next week...
« Reply #33 on: July 24, 2013, 06:33:32 PM »
DH's email back:

Quote
It's not going to be practical to stall Grandma from ever coming inside till you come back, but I'm not fond either of kids being babysat at our house.

Saturday I'm thinking we can bundle everyone to the [children's museum] toy room, and Mom wants to go out to dinner, so that's plenty of interaction without bringing them to our house.
Sunday I'll take everyone to church, and we can have the evening without visitors.
Monday I'll deliver [Babybartfast] to her class and work from home with [Bittybartfast]. Mom wants to have a dinner with [Babybartfast] opening dad and grandma's presents, but I will insist they can wait to Tuesday.
Tuesday Mom and Grandma can pick up the kids in the morning, and deliver [Babybartfast] (which Mom is for some reason unwilling to do on Monday) and entertain themselves somehow with [Bittybartfast] on the town until [Babybartfast's] pickup, after which I can chaperone everyone at our house until you get back.

So yeah, sounds like a good plan to me, and having it worked out ahead of time will mean DH won't get caught by surprise if MIL suggests something later. 

CakeEater

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Re: My MIL is driving me crazy! Preparing for next week...
« Reply #34 on: July 24, 2013, 06:35:22 PM »
The closets she mentioned were the front hall closet (which is, indeed, a mess) and Babybartfast's closet (which isn't).  She better not have looked in our master bedroom closet or she might have found some things she wasn't prepared for  >:D  Her point was "What if the guests for the birthday party need somewhere to put their coats and purses and your closet is messy?" and my point is "It's July in the deep south - just who do you think is going to be wearing a coat?"

But she didn't have a coat, being summer, so why was she even in that closet? We don't have any cupboards in our living area. When we have guests, they put their coats over the back of chairs, and their purses on the floor somewhere. No-one needs to be in anyone else's cupboards.

And if guests do need to put coats, hats, purses or gloves in a cupboard and it's messy, how does that affect them? Is MIL afraid they'll lose their belonging? Or is she afraid that they'll see the closet is untidy? And do what? Criticize you about your housecleaning? She's got that covered, herself!

LeveeWoman

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Re: My MIL is driving me crazy! Preparing for next week...
« Reply #35 on: July 24, 2013, 06:36:33 PM »
What is she doing in your master bedroom?

And, why are you allowing her to further trample your boundaries by putting up with her inviting other people to your house?

CakeEater

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Re: My MIL is driving me crazy! Preparing for next week...
« Reply #36 on: July 24, 2013, 06:41:39 PM »
It sounds a bit to me, OP, like both you and your DH actually feel bad, and maybe a bit guilty about your house being untidy and like you kind-of deserve the criticism, and that's why you've both let it go on for so long.

You know what? Even if your house is untidy, no-one should be criticizing. Even if I'm a bad cook, no-one should be criticizing. Even if I choose bad gifts, no-one should be criticizing. Even if I'm bad at managing my money, no-one should be criticizing.

You don't deserve the criticism. Do what you need to to get it to stop.

QueenfaninCA

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Re: My MIL is driving me crazy! Preparing for next week...
« Reply #37 on: July 24, 2013, 06:50:42 PM »
DH's email back:

Quote
It's not going to be practical to stall Grandma from ever coming inside till you come back, but I'm not fond either of kids being babysat at our house.

Sorry to say it, but I think your husband either needs to learn to stand up to mommy-dearest or not use her babysitting services.

crella

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Re: My MIL is driving me crazy! Preparing for next week...
« Reply #38 on: July 24, 2013, 06:56:55 PM »
What is she doing in your master bedroom?

And, why are you allowing her to further trample your boundaries by putting up with her inviting other people to your house?

This type of person is pretty unstoppable...a hydrogen bomb might work, but nothing on a smaller scale will ever give them a clue. MIL is like this (without the sweet side) and it was just a matter of putting up with it. Once you say 'No,I'm afraid you can't bring your friends over when you come next week' then she would go to the friends (who of course have already been invited) and says that I've said all manner of awful things about them and 'don't want them in my house'. There is no winning. The only thing to do is stand up for things you ABSOLUTELY can't stand, because their personality will never change, and you'll just beat your head off a wall for , oh about 30 years. The absolutes are worth fighting till you're in tatters over, very little else is.

That said, Slatibartfast , I think you should really be able to at least say that her remarks are unkind, and that 4 people messing up a house shouldn't have to cleaned by 1.  When I couldn't stand it any more I told my MIL that 'It doesn't look as if he was ever taught how to tidy up after himself.' Oops. Lost it a bit there....but oh, the constant nagging and 'hinting' is SO wearing.

Outdoor Girl

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Re: My MIL is driving me crazy! Preparing for next week...
« Reply #39 on: July 24, 2013, 07:36:52 PM »
OP, you are a much stronger woman than I.  Because I would have snapped long before this point and been starring as an extra in 'Orange is the New Black'.  And I don't look good in orange.

No advice except to ignore her comments as if she didn't say them.  So when she says, 'This room really needs cleaning', just carry on with whatever conversation you were having before she said it.  'Would you like one lump or two?'

Sugar.  I'm talking sugar.  Maybe.   >:D
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Ontario

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Re: My MIL is driving me crazy! Preparing for next week...
« Reply #40 on: July 24, 2013, 09:31:42 PM »
OP I vaguely remember the cake incident so I searched and now I remember it all!! WOW this woman is something else! Time to make a united front with hubby!!

For those wondering here is the link:
http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=119002.0
I felt this thrill going up my leg!

Slartibartfast

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Re: My MIL is driving me crazy! Preparing for next week...
« Reply #41 on: July 24, 2013, 09:46:30 PM »
OP I vaguely remember the cake incident so I searched and now I remember it all!! WOW this woman is something else! Time to make a united front with hubby!!

For those wondering here is the link:
http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=119002.0

Thanks for digging up the link - I've been reading back through it and I had completely forgotten that she got Babybartfast 1600 live ladybugs for her fourth birthday  ::)

NyaChan

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Re: My MIL is driving me crazy! Preparing for next week...
« Reply #42 on: July 24, 2013, 11:59:39 PM »
Your MIL's comments about your home are inappropriate but she is not the one who changed your kids' schedules.  That is all on their father. He is the one who allowed the 5 year old to skip camp since he is the one who was supposed tombe taking her. He is the one who allowed his mom to come to your home instead of dropping off the baby at hers. He is the one who allowed his mom to keep the baby overnight and obviously, he liked her cleaning the home while you were gone or he would have put a stop to it.


This is what I was thinking as I read it.  He is the parent and he is the one who allowed it all to happen, presumably with his acquiescence.  That's on him, not her. 

jedikaiti

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Re: My MIL is driving me crazy! Preparing for next week...
« Reply #43 on: July 25, 2013, 12:01:27 AM »
OP I vaguely remember the cake incident so I searched and now I remember it all!! WOW this woman is something else! Time to make a united front with hubby!!

For those wondering here is the link:
http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=119002.0

Thanks for digging up the link - I've been reading back through it and I had completely forgotten that she got Babybartfast 1600 live ladybugs for her fourth birthday  ::)

Keep a spreadsheet, update as needed, and drag it out ever time DH thinks MIL is not being unreasonable.
What part of v_e = \sqrt{\frac{2GM}{r}} don't you understand? It's only rocket science!

"The problem with re-examining your brilliant ideas is that more often than not, you discover they are the intellectual equivalent of saying, 'Hold my beer and watch this!'" - Cindy Couture

Itza

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Re: My MIL is driving me crazy! Preparing for next week...
« Reply #44 on: July 25, 2013, 02:34:52 AM »
"MIL dear, if my abode upsets you that much, I suggest you don't come. Don't worry, DH can manage. Thanks for understanding :) ."




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