"Graduation" Participation

[asb8]

Trying to measure this one on the snowflake meter.  Mods, if this is in the wrong section, please move.

Anna has 3 kids.  Oldest is going into the 8th grade this fall.  It has come to Anna's attention that this school holds a graduation ceremony for the eighth graders at the end of the year, complete with gaps, gowns and 'diplomas'.

Anna is of the opinion that graduation ceremonies are for high school, college and graduate school.  She has no problems with end-of-year award ceremonies or parties but she doesn't agree with the trend of 'graduation' that seems to be popping up at so many different grade levels. 

Is Anna being a special snowflake if she discretely doesn't permit her child to participate?

[NyaChan]

SS is usually for someone who thinks they are entitled to something more than others by virtue of...well, existing.  This is a parenting decision and unless she's trying to prevent everyone from having the graduation just because she doesn't hold with that tradition, Anna is within her rights to discretely keep her child out of the ceremony.

[kareng57]

This is a tough one.  Let me say that I am in complete agreement that no one "graduates" from kindergarten, elementary school, or junior high school.

But it could be very difficult for her to prohibit her child from the ceremony, if his/her friends are all going to be participating.  However, if they're having post-"graduation" parties, I think it's fine to say "no".

[Library Dragon]

This is a tough one.  Let me say that I am in complete agreement that no one "graduates" from kindergarten, elementary school, or junior high school.

But it could be very difficult for her to prohibit her child from the ceremony, if his/her friends are all going to be participating.  However, if they're having post-"graduation" parties, I think it's fine to say "no".

POD

I wouldn't say no to friends having end of year parties, but no graduation gifts.

[peaches]

At my granddaughter's school, the "graduating" eighth graders run through a passage lined with kids from the other grades. That's their graduation, and it's something they look forward to. And that's enough.

Parties, gifts for graduating eighth grade? I've never seen or heard of that.

I probably wouldn't remove my child from a ceremony the school sponsored. But that would be the limit of celebrating.

[norrina]

I don't see anything SS about Anna discretely keeping her daughter out of the graduation activities, but as someone who participated in 8th grade graduation as a child, I do wish/hope she would reconsider. I'm 34 years old, so my 8th grade graduation was 20 years ago. I have since had high school, college, and law school graduation, and my state bar's swearing in ceremony. A lot of time and other milestone events stand between me and that seemingly insignificant "graduation", yet I still have fond memories of it. We only have one chance at our childhood. I never went to prom, and I still wish that I had made different decisions about my senior prom. I think I not only would have regretted not participating in my 8th grade graduation, I probably would have also resented my parents for it a little bit if they have prevented me from going.

[sweetonsno]

It would only be snowflakey if she was trying to ban the ceremony for everyone.

However, I do have to agree with the other posters. I'm not sure what she is trying to accomplish by not allowing her daughter to participate. It's one thing if the cost of the cap and gown is prohibitive. However, barring that, her daughter is probably going to come away with the message that her mom doesn't think that finishing middle school is a meaningful accomplishment and/or that this isn't a milestone worth celebrating.

The etiquette involved in this one isn't for the other parents and students, but for her daughter. Your friend will have to be careful how she explains her decision to her daughter. Out of curiosity (if you happen to know), would she object to this if it wasn't referred to as a "graduation"?

[lorelai]

I don't see anything SS about Anna discretely keeping her daughter out of the graduation activities, but as someone who participated in 8th grade graduation as a child, I do wish/hope she would reconsider. I'm 34 years old, so my 8th grade graduation was 20 years ago. I have since had high school, college, and law school graduation, and my state bar's swearing in ceremony. A lot of time and other milestone events stand between me and that seemingly insignificant "graduation", yet I still have fond memories of it. We only have one chance at our childhood. I never went to prom, and I still wish that I had made different decisions about my senior prom. I think I not only would have regretted not participating in my 8th grade graduation, I probably would have also resented my parents for it a little bit if they have prevented me from going.

I feel the same way. I had such a fun time at my 8th grade graduation! It was a nice bonding experience with my friends. I hope your friend will consider her child's wishes when it comes to this decision.

[Winterlight]

This is a tough one.  Let me say that I am in complete agreement that no one "graduates" from kindergarten, elementary school, or junior high school.

But it could be very difficult for her to prohibit her child from the ceremony, if his/her friends are all going to be participating.  However, if they're having post-"graduation" parties, I think it's fine to say "no".

Agreed. I think 8th grade graduation is silly, but I also wouldn't want to make my kid be the only one who has to sit it out. 13 is a rough age, and being the one "different" child can be painful.

[kherbert05]

These completion ceremonies are simply fancier end of the year ceremonies than the younger grades get at my school. It is the parents that call it graduation - not the school. In addition to the regular end of the year awards (Honor Roll, Citizenship), the school recognizes school leaders. For example the specials teachers (PE, Music, Art, Computers, Library) give awards to students that have shown growth over years.


At the end of the ceremony, they walk through the school and the younger grade teachers/students get to say goodbye also. If a parent doesn't want to participate - the child simply doesn't attend that day. (basically the start summer vacation a day early). 




At my school the parents that treat this as a "Graduation" with large numbers of family members coming to the celebration, balloons, a party tend to come from a particular segment of our population. Many of them are immigrants, who because of conditions in their childhood country they didn't get to go very far past 5th grade. It is their way of sending their kids the message this is important - education is valuable.

[cattlekid]

We didn't get diplomas or wear caps and gowns, but we did have an eighth grade end-of-year ceremony.  Like others have said, it's where the awards were handed out and that was about it. 

As far as gifts/parties, I didn't have a party but my father hand-finished a desk for me.  Here I sit, 30 years later, typing this post from the very same desk.

[Cherry91]

Anna has 3 kids.  Oldest is going into the 8th grade this fall.  It has come to Anna's attention that this school holds a graduation ceremony for the eighth graders at the end of the year, complete with gaps, gowns and 'diplomas'.

Is Anna expected to pay for the hat and gown? Because I can understand objecting to that.

Otherwise, I agree with the other posters. It's silly and pointless, but it won't hurt for her child to go through with it

[YummyMummy66]

I would not say special snowflake, and am not sure of the word I would use.

Personally, I am one who is sick of all these graduations also.    Kindergarten, 4th grade, (because that ends our elementary school, although I don't think they do a graduation per se, but special activities for the end of year), eighth grade in our district and a senior.

While mom may not agree, all the kids will be doing it and why would you exclude your one child?  Yeah, that is going to go over well.

Our school did not do caps or gowns.  They had an end of year ceremony and some special activities for the kids.  While I may not agree with it or think they just might be going overboard, I am not going to exclude my child from participating either.

[Shea]

This is a tough one.  Let me say that I am in complete agreement that no one "graduates" from kindergarten, elementary school, or junior high school.

But it could be very difficult for her to prohibit her child from the ceremony, if his/her friends are all going to be participating.  However, if they're having post-"graduation" parties, I think it's fine to say "no".

Agreed. I think 8th grade graduation is silly, but I also wouldn't want to make my kid be the only one who has to sit it out. 13 is a rough age, and being the one "different" child can be painful.

I agree as well. I also think graduation should be kept for high school, college and graduate school only, but I don't get what the mother hopes to accomplish by refusing to allow her child to participate. Show all the other parents exactly what she thinks of their silly "ceremony"? That's only going to make her daughter feel left out.

Now, if the daughter doesn't want to participate, or really doesn't care, then I'd say it's perfectly okay for her to sit it out. But if the daughter wants to? Unless the cost of the cap and gown ( ) is prohibitive, then let her do it. She'll still have her high school and potentially college and grad school ceremonies ahead of her.

[MrTango]

I don't think she's being an SS at all.  If she's being discrete about not having her daughter participate, then she isn't going to cause a scene or demand that no one should be allowed to participate or that the event be cancelled.  Instead, she is quietly declining to do so.

If my Junior High had done this sort of thing, I would have begged my parents to let me stay away and not be involved.