Author Topic: Sigh...Crazy hunted us down  (Read 5618 times)

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weeblewobble

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Re: Sigh...Crazy hunted us down
« Reply #15 on: July 30, 2013, 10:31:56 PM »
Here are the steps I would recommend:

1) Tighten up the privacy settings on all social media, block your dad and crazypants stepmom

2) DH needs to contact his boss, HR department, and possibly customer service to let the appropriate people know that his FIL is unstable and believes that you and DH are interfering with his computer/social media.  Please add that he has contacted DH through work before and because he did not get "satisfaction" from his most recent interaction, he may try to either harass DH through work or contact the company to complain about DH as an employee.  Note the time, date and escalation of Dad's hostile interaction with the customer service rep to highlight his instability.

3) Complete radio silence.  You offered to send him his momentos.  He (rude word)-ed all over your efforts.  Do with those items what you wish and drop the subject. Do not contact him.  Do not response to any calls, messages, emails, letters, telegrams, carrier pigeons, etc., that he may send you.

4) Prepare for escalation.  Keep a log of all contacts from dad or crazypants stepmom.  If your kids are involved in any sort of school program, extracurricular activity, etc., please let the program supervisors know that dad and crazypants stepmom are not allowed to pick up, contact or otherwise interact with your kids.

5) Don't worry about your supposed culpability in their computer issues. I sincerely doubt that your dad actually hired an investigator.  And if they did, no authority is going to believe their story based on, "Well, the activity only stopped when they moved!"  They would be laughed out of any sort of office where they went to file a complaint.

6) Snuggle your DH and your kids.  You are a lovely person.  You have a great family. Your dad is a bitter, deluded person who only knows to lash out through rage and crazy.  Don't give him the satisfaction of devoting more energy or thought to him than he deserves, which is none.

floridamom

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Re: Sigh...Crazy hunted us down
« Reply #16 on: July 31, 2013, 12:53:59 AM »
Here are the steps I would recommend:

1) Tighten up the privacy settings on all social media, block your dad and crazypants stepmom

2) DH needs to contact his boss, HR department, and possibly customer service to let the appropriate people know that his FIL is unstable and believes that you and DH are interfering with his computer/social media.  Please add that he has contacted DH through work before and because he did not get "satisfaction" from his most recent interaction, he may try to either harass DH through work or contact the company to complain about DH as an employee.  Note the time, date and escalation of Dad's hostile interaction with the customer service rep to highlight his instability.

3) Complete radio silence.  You offered to send him his momentos.  He (rude word)-ed all over your efforts.  Do with those items what you wish and drop the subject. Do not contact him.  Do not response to any calls, messages, emails, letters, telegrams, carrier pigeons, etc., that he may send you.

4) Prepare for escalation.  Keep a log of all contacts from dad or crazypants stepmom.  If your kids are involved in any sort of school program, extracurricular activity, etc., please let the program supervisors know that dad and crazypants stepmom are not allowed to pick up, contact or otherwise interact with your kids.

5) Don't worry about your supposed culpability in their computer issues. I sincerely doubt that your dad actually hired an investigator.  And if they did, no authority is going to believe their story based on, "Well, the activity only stopped when they moved!"  They would be laughed out of any sort of office where they went to file a complaint.

6) Snuggle your DH and your kids.  You are a lovely person.  You have a great family. Your dad is a bitter, deluded person who only knows to lash out through rage and crazy.  Don't give him the satisfaction of devoting more energy or thought to him than he deserves, which is none.


Ditto to what Weeblewobble said!

Otterpop

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Re: Sigh...Crazy hunted us down
« Reply #17 on: July 31, 2013, 01:03:46 AM »
Sounds like your father's wife is trying to create drama so that you have to get in contact again.  You and DH are fine and moving on with your lives while those two are stuck in an unstable, crazy relationship.  The only way to stabilize themselves is to have a common enemy, YOU, or anyone else who engages them.  Maintain your silence, stay away from the nutballs and they'll have to find someone else to harass and demonize.  Warn your mother and brother too because they're next in the crosshairs.

Good work OP in breaking this dysfunctional chain!

weeblewobble

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Re: Sigh...Crazy hunted us down
« Reply #18 on: July 31, 2013, 07:46:17 AM »
Sounds like your father's wife is trying to create drama so that you have to get in contact again.  You and DH are fine and moving on with your lives while those two are stuck in an unstable, crazy relationship. The only way to stabilize themselves is to have a common enemy, YOU, or anyone else who engages them.  Maintain your silence, stay away from the nutballs and they'll have to find someone else to harass and demonize.  Warn your mother and brother too because they're next in the crosshairs.

Good work OP in breaking this dysfunctional chain!

THIS.  They keep telling themselves, "Everything in our lives would be PERFECT if not for Ilovemygeek!  If we can just keep lashing out at her, we won't have to think about our own shortcomings and how they're causing our problems!"

artk2002

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Re: Sigh...Crazy hunted us down
« Reply #19 on: July 31, 2013, 10:46:38 AM »
Part of the problem now is he's accusing my husband of hacking now too because he is in the I.T field (no my husband hasn't the slightest idea how to hack into someone's computer, but I guess they figure all computer people are the same sort of like a doctor of philosophy being asked to look at someone's ailment at a party). He told his boss about the situation and everybody just laughed it off. When they first were engaged, I made their Christmas card as requested and I think the fact that I know Photoshop was in their eyes tantamount to being an evil genius.  She probably just has a virus.

This is one of those situations where anyone who matters doesn't care and anyone who cares doesn't matter. The last thing you need to be doing right now is worrying about someone else's paranoid delusions.

I agree that your DH blew it by calling back. The problem is that he was thinking like a rational person: "Gee, they called me at work. Must be really serious." You need to start thinking like irrational people: "I have to contact them before the black helicopters get me and the chip embedded in my skull explodes!"

Cut off means exactly that. No responses. Ever. All this episode did was tell them how far they need to go to get a response.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bow lines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. -Mark Twain

TOLady

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Re: Sigh...Crazy hunted us down
« Reply #20 on: July 31, 2013, 10:57:42 AM »
Wow! Just Wow!  :o

Just read the previous threads and I swear you and I are related! My DF has been living with his girlfriend for 25+ years and she has:

1. Left horrible voice-mails.
2. Hacked his emails and sent me emails that I thought at first were sent from him saying I was an ungrateful b@*&% etc.
3. I won't even tell you about my wedding and what she did there (fortunately, my maid of honour had run interference and I didn't find out until later).
4. Has tried repeatedly to have my father disown my DB and I.
5. Tried to break up my Mom and her new husband.
6. Didn't notify me when my Dad was in hospital.
7. Call-blocked me and my DH so I can't call my Dad - even in an emergency - from our cell phones.
8. When I call from the office to wish him a happy birthday or just to say hi, she'll just pick up the phone, drop it (hard) on whatever and scream that "The b*w3q9 is on the phone for you".
9. The lists goes on and on.

I have concluded that she is certifiable. Once, she even admitted to my Mom that she was on medication. Although she herself was married once and has 2 adult children, she despises the fact that he had a life prior to her.

The rel*tionship I have with my Dad is very sporadic. The few times I get to see him, she's constantly on the phone checking up on him.

It's so very, very sad!  :-[

Coley

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Re: Sigh...Crazy hunted us down
« Reply #21 on: July 31, 2013, 11:01:51 AM »
Sounds like your father's wife is trying to create drama so that you have to get in contact again.  You and DH are fine and moving on with your lives while those two are stuck in an unstable, crazy relationship.  The only way to stabilize themselves is to have a common enemy, YOU, or anyone else who engages them.  Maintain your silence, stay away from the nutballs and they'll have to find someone else to harass and demonize.  Warn your mother and brother too because they're next in the crosshairs.

Good work OP in breaking this dysfunctional chain!

POD. OP, this is crazymaking. If you and DH have done nothing wrong, then you have nothing to defend, especially where your dad and his wife are concerned. No contact means no contact. Engaging the crazy even to defend yourselves is still engaging the crazy.  It is contact.

What you and your DH are feeling in wanting to defend yourselves is perfectly normal and understandable. But the wild, random accusations are not. They are a way to drag you back in. I encourage you to resist.

Zilla

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Re: Sigh...Crazy hunted us down
« Reply #22 on: July 31, 2013, 11:02:05 AM »
If the cut direct was firm, this is what should have happened.


DH: Hi, how are you. Heard you were trying to get a hold of me. This is dh, please do not contact me at work.


Crazy: Hi DH, please ask Ilovemygeek to stop trying to crash 2nd wife's computer and hack her Twittet. I know it's her. Thanks

DH: You are mistaken about Geek trying to hack 2nd Wife's computer. If you think there is a problem with you should contact a computer professional and contact twitter support As stated do not contact me again. 

Crazy: DH, I have contacted a professional. It's either you or her I'm not looking for an admission, I just want it stopped. One of the things our investigator uncovered was that the only time activity was interrupted was when you moved. Also people talk to other people and so on. Please- enough is enough.

DH-If you contact us again, we will contact the police and file harrassment charges. 

And leave it at that.  Don't engage the crazy.  It's clear that he simply has no wish in being a part of your lives and yet want to once again blame you both for all their ills/troubles.  Sorry though, it's a tough bitter pill to swallow.
« Last Edit: July 31, 2013, 11:03:51 AM by Zilla »

Venus193

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Re: Sigh...Crazy hunted us down
« Reply #23 on: July 31, 2013, 12:03:10 PM »
Here are the steps I would recommend:

1) Tighten up the privacy settings on all social media, block your dad and crazypants stepmom

2) DH needs to contact his boss, HR department, and possibly customer service to let the appropriate people know that his FIL is unstable and believes that you and DH are interfering with his computer/social media.  Please add that he has contacted DH through work before and because he did not get "satisfaction" from his most recent interaction, he may try to either harass DH through work or contact the company to complain about DH as an employee.  Note the time, date and escalation of Dad's hostile interaction with the customer service rep to highlight his instability.

3) Complete radio silence.  You offered to send him his momentos.  He (rude word)-ed all over your efforts.  Do with those items what you wish and drop the subject. Do not contact him.  Do not response to any calls, messages, emails, letters, telegrams, carrier pigeons, etc., that he may send you.

4) Prepare for escalation.  Keep a log of all contacts from dad or crazypants stepmom.  If your kids are involved in any sort of school program, extracurricular activity, etc., please let the program supervisors know that dad and crazypants stepmom are not allowed to pick up, contact or otherwise interact with your kids.

5) Don't worry about your supposed culpability in their computer issues. I sincerely doubt that your dad actually hired an investigator.  And if they did, no authority is going to believe their story based on, "Well, the activity only stopped when they moved!"  They would be laughed out of any sort of office where they went to file a complaint.

6) Snuggle your DH and your kids.  You are a lovely person.  You have a great family. Your dad is a bitter, deluded person who only knows to lash out through rage and crazy.  Don't give him the satisfaction of devoting more energy or thought to him than he deserves, which is none.

Ditto this entire post.  With regard to Item 2, he has the potential for getting your husband fired from his job.  He needs to inform his boss and HR department that they are to record any attempt your sperm donor makes at getting to him or them through the company.

kherbert05

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Re: Sigh...Crazy hunted us down
« Reply #24 on: July 31, 2013, 02:24:08 PM »
Here are the steps I would recommend:

1) Tighten up the privacy settings on all social media, block your dad and crazypants stepmom

2) DH needs to contact his boss, HR department, and possibly customer service to let the appropriate people know that his FIL is unstable and believes that you and DH are interfering with his computer/social media.  Please add that he has contacted DH through work before and because he did not get "satisfaction" from his most recent interaction, he may try to either harass DH through work or contact the company to complain about DH as an employee.  Note the time, date and escalation of Dad's hostile interaction with the customer service rep to highlight his instability.

3) Complete radio silence.  You offered to send him his momentos.  He (rude word)-ed all over your efforts.  Do with those items what you wish and drop the subject. Do not contact him.  Do not response to any calls, messages, emails, letters, telegrams, carrier pigeons, etc., that he may send you.

4) Prepare for escalation.  Keep a log of all contacts from dad or crazypants stepmom.  If your kids are involved in any sort of school program, extracurricular activity, etc., please let the program supervisors know that dad and crazypants stepmom are not allowed to pick up, contact or otherwise interact with your kids.

5) Don't worry about your supposed culpability in their computer issues. I sincerely doubt that your dad actually hired an investigator.  And if they did, no authority is going to believe their story based on, "Well, the activity only stopped when they moved!"  They would be laughed out of any sort of office where they went to file a complaint.

6) Snuggle your DH and your kids.  You are a lovely person.  You have a great family. Your dad is a bitter, deluded person who only knows to lash out through rage and crazy.  Don't give him the satisfaction of devoting more energy or thought to him than he deserves, which is none.


POD especially #4 about the kids and their schools/activity. Dismissal time is crazy making. Someone shows up saying they are there to pick up the smith kids - but Bob Jones is not on the contact/pick up list and there was no note . So we have to call the parents. WHile we are doing that there are 5 other families who want to pick up kids, talk to a teacher, scream at the principal? The other lines are ringing. Car riders, Day Care, and 1/2 the walkers are spilling out the front door. It is easy for the undesirable person to slink off in the confusion.


Scenario 2 - Parents have told us Bob Jones is not allowed near their kids*. Bob Jones says he is there to pick up the Smith kids. Clerk checks the computer - red flag comes up Bob Jones is not to have contact with the Smith kids. Clerk runs his ID through the machine - calls the classroom for Smith kids - but what Bob Jones can't see is she didn't call the classroom. She called another staff member and Calling Nurse/Principal/AP/Councilor and acting like the are a teacher means that person calls the teacher(s) and tells them to keep the smith kids with them.


After that it depends. No history of violence the other staff member goes up gets Bob Jones explains the parents have said no contact you need to leave. If they leave fine - otherwise cops are called. Violating an TRO or other court order cops called first. If they have a history of violence/abuse often the running of their DL through the machine has already called the cops and they are there ASAP.


*For my state and district the only time we need to see court documents is if the other person was ever legally the child's parent (bio or adopted).
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Ilovemygeek

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Re: Sigh...Crazy hunted us down
« Reply #25 on: July 31, 2013, 03:07:33 PM »
Our kiddos are 2 and 3. He's never met them, nor does he know their names. Also, we're homeschooling so there's that LOL.

Rosewater

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Re: Sigh...Crazy hunted us down
« Reply #26 on: July 31, 2013, 03:13:47 PM »
It's time to go to the police station and file a report so at the very least a journal entry can be officially made.  This will help you establish a pattern of behavior.  It is extremely important that you do this, you may very well need these records in the future.
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TootsNYC

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Re: Sigh...Crazy hunted us down
« Reply #27 on: July 31, 2013, 03:37:26 PM »
I would change Zilla's script, actually.

If the cut direct was firm, this is what should have happened.


DH: Hi, how are you. Heard you were trying to get a hold of me. This is dh, please do not contact me at work.
< Click >

Crazy: Hi DH, please ask Ilovemygeek to stop trying to crash 2nd wife's computer and hack her Twittet. I know it's her. Thanks

DH: You are mistaken about Geek trying to hack 2nd Wife's computer. If you think there is a problem with you should contact a computer professional and contact twitter support As stated do not contact me again. 

Crazy: DH, I have contacted a professional. It's either you or her I'm not looking for an admission, I just want it stopped. One of the things our investigator uncovered was that the only time activity was interrupted was when you moved. Also people talk to other people and so on. Please- enough is enough.

DH-If you contact us again, we will contact the police and file harrassment charges. 



Although, actually, if there truly is a cut direct, DH shouldn't have called back. At all.

And as I said, if you do some background work, you can put yourselves in the position of not ever needing him to be the one to tell you Grandma is sick, Cousin passed away, etc.

Sympathies to you!
« Last Edit: July 31, 2013, 03:40:09 PM by TootsNYC »

weeblewobble

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Re: Sigh...Crazy hunted us down
« Reply #28 on: July 31, 2013, 03:46:03 PM »
Our kiddos are 2 and 3. He's never met them, nor does he know their names. Also, we're homeschooling so there's that LOL.

OK, so that does help. :)

But if the kids are involved in any sort of tiny tots swimming, Gymboree, Mom's Day Out,  even a Sunday school or church nursery program-  any situation where you will be leaving your children in the care of others - you need to let the program supervisors know that your dad/stepmom are not allowed near the children.  I know it sounds a little paranoid, but it will give you peace of mind.

pierrotlunaire0

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Re: Sigh...Crazy hunted us down
« Reply #29 on: July 31, 2013, 03:56:08 PM »
Personally, I would look into a restraining order.  Then if (hah! I meant  when) they call to harass you, hang up and call it into the police.
I have enough lithium in my medicine cabinet to power three cars across a sizeable desert.  Which makes me officially...Three Cars Crazy