General Etiquette > Family and Children

A birthday dilemma

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Piratelvr1121:
If she is still keeping the birthday a secret even now, it might be for reasons other than money. Some people are uncomfortable with having a fuss made over them.

So maybe just presenting her with the present randomly on any date would be good.  An "unbirthday" present. :)

White Lotus:
I agree with the people who say she probably doesn't want to be fussed over.  So e people adore it; so,elope hate it.  I think quietly giving her the iPad case and a card on the day, with no fuss would be OK.  I think taking her out to dinner near the day would be fine, but I wouldn't mention birthday.  I would only do a cake as a separate gift (and not a singing-cutting-serving fuss) for her to enjoy on her own or with those she chooses, and only if there is a cake or dessert she loves, but doesn't get very often.  Lemon merengue pie and flourless chocolate cake -- things hard to make at home -- come to mind.

Hmmmmm:

--- Quote from: Piratelvr1121 on July 26, 2013, 02:42:11 PM ---If she is still keeping the birthday a secret even now, it might be for reasons other than money. Some people are uncomfortable with having a fuss made over them.

So maybe just presenting her with the present randomly on any date would be good.  An "unbirthday" present. :)

--- End quote ---
POD to this. I think there are other issues that drive herb to not want to celebrate other than money. It costs nothing to say Happy Birthday, let me do the dishes tonight.

I guess it's too late time ease into the celebration, like continuing to pretend you don't know and then in a few months picking a random date and surprising her with "Mom, since you want share your bday, we've decided that's from now on, today is your special day."

Kaypeep:
I'd try to find a happy medium here. I'd go ahead with the gift and cake, but I'd do it fast and not make a fuss.  Like if you go over her house to bring them, present them, and then beandip as soon as possible.   No candles and make a wish, etc.  Just bring the gift and cake (bring paper plates, too, and plastic cutlery even?) and tell her you remembered her birthday and just wanted to let her know you were thinking of her.  But don't make it all about her and put too much of a spotlight on her if you think that's going to make her uncomfortable.

delabela:
What about maybe sending her something, so if what she really wants to avoid is being fussed over, she's not confronted with it?  Maybe some flowers if she likes those or an edible arrangement?

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