General Etiquette > Family and Children

You can't force a rel[color=black]ationship[/color]....

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Daffydilly:
Write "return to sender" on the cards and toss them back in the mailbox. It doesn't matter if she gets them or not. The only thing that matters is your children know you respect their wishes and see the example you set. Since your mil has already dropped all other forms of contact, I wouldn't want to encourage one way communication that is set in her terms only. Your children deserve to be treated with love and respect in their family relationships.

EllenS:

--- Quote from: Mental Magpie on July 26, 2013, 06:08:21 PM --- Absolutely ANYTHING could have happened to FIL the day she asked for prayers; unless anyone else knew the court date, there is no reason to think it was specifically about that from an outsiders perspective.  People may assume that, but it could be any other number of things.

--- End quote ---

But it WAS about the court date.  OP did in fact intend to post about the court date, and people read her message absolutely correctly.  To pretend that "oh, it could have been about anything" would be childish and untrue. BIL is being asked about things he does not want to discuss, because of OP's public hinting that something is going on.  Part of that is BIL's responsibility to shine up his own spine and refuse to talk about it, and part of it is, in my opinion, OP's responsibility to be more careful in who she shares with.

Don't get me wrong, I think BIL was out of line in the way he approached it, but he's not imagining things. 

GSNW:
MIL issued the mandante, "No facebook."  BIL obviously agrees.  However, I don't see where FIL made any such request.  OP putting a vague "Please pray for my FIL and DD today as they are having a tough time" (or anything along those lines) isn't exactly pot-stirring.  If she put, "Pray for FIL since he has court today," I would have a different opinion.

I'm not sure why OP is under obligation here to treat her FB page as though MIL and BIL are in charge of what she posts.  I will agree that it's tacky to post gossipy details of a private family matter on FB, but I don't see how that's what happened.  If other people knew that day was the court date, then they are obviously also in the know.

As far as the cards, I agree that you should just ignore them.  Returning them seems to send the message of, "I don't want to talk to you and I really want you to know that I'm mad," which is not really the same thing as a direct cut.  If she's issuing checks (for the $10) it's a little more problematic, but if it's cash, just put it in the church collection plate.

Softly Spoken:

--- Quote from: Daffydilly on July 26, 2013, 06:20:32 PM ---Write "return to sender" on the cards and toss them back in the mailbox. It doesn't matter if she gets them or not. The only thing that matters is your children know you respect their wishes and see the example you set. Since your mil has already dropped all other forms of contact, I wouldn't want to encourage one way communication that is set in her terms only. Your children deserve to be treated with love and respect in their family relationships.

--- End quote ---

This or as a PP said, recycle the cards and donate the birthday money to charity.

You can't force a relationship, and you can't force someone like your MIL to see her flaws and mistakes.

Sending the cards back seems PA. I am not 100% clear on how the "cut direct" works, but it seems counterintuitive to draw attention to your cutting someone off, i.e. "I'm contacting you to let you know...that I'm not going to contact you." ??? So while rejecting the cards may give you and your children a certain sense of self satisfaction, I doubt it will get your point across to your MIL and will just give her a wound to nurse about her horrible DIL and ungrateful grandchildren.  ::)
**POD to what GSNW just posted, she said it better than me!**

Mental Magpie:

--- Quote from: EllenS on July 26, 2013, 06:29:56 PM ---
--- Quote from: Mental Magpie on July 26, 2013, 06:08:21 PM --- Absolutely ANYTHING could have happened to FIL the day she asked for prayers; unless anyone else knew the court date, there is no reason to think it was specifically about that from an outsiders perspective.  People may assume that, but it could be any other number of things.

--- End quote ---

But it WAS about the court date.  OP did in fact intend to post about the court date, and people read her message absolutely correctly.  To pretend that "oh, it could have been about anything" would be childish and untrue. BIL is being asked about things he does not want to discuss, because of OP's public hinting that something is going on.  Part of that is BIL's responsibility to shine up his own spine and refuse to talk about it, and part of it is, in my opinion, OP's responsibility to be more careful in who she shares with.

Don't get me wrong, I think BIL was out of line in the way he approached it, but he's not imagining things.

--- End quote ---

I'm neither childish nor lying, thank you.  If she didn't actually post the court date, they have no evidence that's what she meant.  If they go asking, they're being nosy when it is none of their business.  What the OP did is not stirring the pot, that's asking for prayers for someone who is having a hard time.  Stirring the pot is saying, "Prayers for FIL for his court date today!"

Also, what GSNW said.

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