I apologize in advance, as this will probably be quite long.
B/G: MIL is not the loving, caring mother/grandmother type of person. She has favorite children and grandchildren. This is a fact, that has been brought to my attention by several people, by close friends and passing aquaintances alike. I am under no illusion on her feelings for me (or other daughter/son - in laws), and try to have limited contact with her (although for the last 23 years she has lived next door). In February, FIL and another family member went on a vacation, leaving on a Thursday, returned on the following Tuesday. MIL calls DH and asks to talk with him. He goes to her house and returns a while later. He and I had plans that afternoon, and upon driving past her house, I see a strange car. When I asked, he said that MIL was leaving FIL and somebody was there helping her move out. He asked MIL what FIL said about it, as this was a shock to us because we were unaware things had escalated to this point. She replied "Oh, I haven't told him. I don't want to ruin his vacation. YOU can tell him when he gets back to the airport, or even coming up the drive. I don't really care. He will be served with divorce papers the day after he gets back. Oh, and tell TinkyTinky, NO FACEBOOK". She left and wouldn't give out her address. After we dealt with having to let FIL know (a whole other story in itself) we then let our children know. (they are teens/preteens, so we could be somewhat matter-of-fact). The only contact she has had with any of them was her usual generic birthday cards in the mail (she has always mailed them, even though she lived right next door) My children have made the decision to give MIL the cut-direct, and focus on keeping FIL upbeat. End b/g.
issue #1: I have made sure to not bring it up on facebook. Not necessarily because she demanded that I didn't, but because it was nobody elses business. Most of my friends already knew what took place, as we live in a small town. The first court date was the day after Mother's day, and it coincided with one of my DD birthday. I asked for prayers for FIL and DD. This was the only mention of it, and BIL demanded that I no longer make any mention of any of it because his wife was getting questions. I basically stood there shocked. He doesn't have a facebook account, and doesn't know how it works. I wanted to give him a sharp retort, but I didn't. He continues to rant about facebook, how it is how people get your identity, you put things on there that you shouldn't, etc. I need e-hell approved ways to tell him that my facebook has nothing to do with him, or this situation
Issue #2: The birthday cards. My kids don't want them. two of my children refuse to accept them when I try to hand them to them. The other 3 just take the envelope, look at it, don't open it, and put in a pile with other cards. We didn't have an address for MIL, but we have already returned Easter cards to her church (in a manilla envelope with her name). The kids say that the cards don't mean anything other than their name was on her calendar, and they don't want her to try to buy them with the $10.00 she gives them. We recently found a PO box for her and are planning on writing the return on and return to sender with cards we receive from now on, and the others we are going to put in a manilla envelope to return to her. I am torn between just sending the cards back, or sending them with a letter to her to not bother, she made her decision and to just stay away.
There is so much more to the background but to keep this from getting too long, I only put in the most pertinant details. However, if there are questions I will go into deeper detail if needed. Thank you for any helpful advice that may be given.