Author Topic: Applying for the same job as a friend  (Read 3885 times)

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SuperMartianRobotGirl

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Applying for the same job as a friend
« on: July 26, 2013, 04:56:44 PM »
My brother has a job at a company, and saw a posting for a better job at that company, so he applied for it. He later learned that a friend who had been out of work for a while and really needs a job applied for it, and then learned that he and the friend are the top two candidates. He thinks his experience, and the fact that he already works there, make him the front runner.

Is it rude or wrong for him to continue seeking this job? This is kind of a small town problem, isn't it?

delabela

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Re: Applying for the same job as a friend
« Reply #1 on: July 26, 2013, 04:59:15 PM »
I totally get where it's emotionally difficult, but I don't think he's rude or a bad person for staying in the running.  If he gets the job, maybe he can help friend with his search. 

Tea Drinker

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Re: Applying for the same job as a friend
« Reply #2 on: July 26, 2013, 05:00:22 PM »
No, it's not wrong for him to keep applying. I think it would be politest not to discuss the job possibility with his friend unless the friend brings it up. If he does get the better job, his friend could probably apply for the brother's current job (though I wouldn't bring that up unless asked, because it's obvious enough that Friend has probably already thought of it).
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EllenS

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Re: Applying for the same job as a friend
« Reply #3 on: July 26, 2013, 05:18:26 PM »
Not rude, not wrong for him to pursue his career to the best of his ability.

Bringing it up to Friend, especially if Friend does not get a job, would be both rude and wrong.
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bonyk

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Re: Applying for the same job as a friend
« Reply #4 on: July 26, 2013, 05:20:39 PM »
Not rude.  Anyway, if bro gets job, there will be an opening at the company for similar (albeit somewhat less desirable) job.  Maybe friend could apply for that.   

TootsNYC

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Re: Applying for the same job as a friend
« Reply #5 on: July 26, 2013, 05:24:02 PM »
I get very--oh, I don't know, fatalistic? zen? calvinistic? There's  atemr, I just don't know what it is--about stuff like this.

It happens to me a lot. I'm in a field in which everybody who works for me could probably have my job and do it as well as I do. Every time I'm up for a job, I can name you at least 5 people who should be applying for it, too.

Here's how I look at it.

"It was meant to be. If that's 'my' job, I'll get it. If I don't get it, it wasn't 'my' job; there's something about it that makes it 'not meant for me.' "

And just because I'm out of work doesn't mean I deserve to get a job over someone else. The employer has an obligation to everyone who works there to get the right person. That might not be me.

Even if your brother's experience and work history give him a significant edge, there are plenty of other things that might make the company choose his friend.

The only thing that your brother *does* need to do is to not rub anybody's noses in it. Basically, I don't think he should discuss that job, or the job hunt, in any way other than the most surface of approaches--"best of luck to you," "yeah, I got that job, Tom told me you'd applied to, tough luck for you." (sympathetic--NOT sarcastic tone there--it WAS unfortunate for him, when he didn't get that job. So be sympathetic in a not-too-dramatic way)

cicero

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Re: Applying for the same job as a friend
« Reply #6 on: July 27, 2013, 05:04:55 AM »
not rude, not wrong. at all. and if he does get the job, he could suggest that his friend apply for his current job (if that is appropriate).

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BigBadBetty

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Re: Applying for the same job as a friend
« Reply #7 on: July 27, 2013, 08:15:47 AM »
not rude, not wrong. at all. and if he does get the job, he could suggest that his friend apply for his current job (if that is appropriate).

Yes, and let his employers know that he has a friend that is great for the job. A personal recommendation can go a long way.

SuperMartianRobotGirl

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Re: Applying for the same job as a friend
« Reply #8 on: July 27, 2013, 09:22:48 AM »
OK so let me ask a question about a related issue then. I live in a very small town and this kind of stuff is common in places where everyone knows everyone. When my brother told me about his situation I immediately thought of this one from a few years ago.

A neighbor applied for a job. She'd been a stay-at-home mom for a while, but her kids were back in school and she wanted to get back in the workforce. It was a part-time job but in the field where she'd worked before kids. A friend of hers, but not a close friend, also applied for the job, and they were told that they were the only two who applied. I think they were told that there was only one other applicant, not specifically who the other person was. Anyway, it was at a non-profit, so not many hours, not much pay, and therefore not many people were interested. The neighbor was far and away more qualified, maybe to the point of being overqualified since she'd worked full time in a similar but much more strenuous position and in a supervisory level before having kids, but the number of hours worked for her and she didn't need the money anyway. She just wanted to start working again. The friend really needed a job - her husband had been given a paycut and her family was trying to find a way to make up the difference, and they weren't having an easy time before the paycut. Does that change things, if one person is taking a job but doesn't really need a job? I know the friend as well. She's a closer friend to me than she is to my neighbor. She was really upset at my neighbor for applying and then not backing out when she found out the friend was applying.

bonyk

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Re: Applying for the same job as a friend
« Reply #9 on: July 27, 2013, 09:54:58 AM »
I would be upset if I were in friend's position too, but, neighbor was not at all wrong.  Also, just because friend thinks neighbor doesn't "need" the job, doesn't mean she has all of the facts.

Lynnv

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Re: Applying for the same job as a friend
« Reply #10 on: July 27, 2013, 11:21:32 AM »
Neighbor (and the brother from the OP) are not wrong for pursuing a job that someone else wants/needs.  Even if that someone is a friend/family member.  Basing employment decisions on who "needs" it is the sort of thinking that leads to women getting underpaid (or not hired at all) since they didn't 'need' to support a family.  Not the direction I would want to see things go again.
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RegionMom

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Re: Applying for the same job as a friend
« Reply #11 on: July 27, 2013, 12:38:48 PM »
No job is ever a guarantee.

if only two people apply, neither may get it, and the job will be put on hold, perhaps.

who is to say that both candidates are perfect matches?  if one drops out, that the other is automatic?

No one is "taking" a job from someone.  the job will be offered to the candidate best suited to the job.
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Roe

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Re: Applying for the same job as a friend
« Reply #12 on: July 27, 2013, 05:01:33 PM »
Not rude. Though I can understand why it's emotionally difficult for him.  Still, he's not rude for continuing to apply.

Katana_Geldar

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Re: Applying for the same job as a friend
« Reply #13 on: July 27, 2013, 06:19:26 PM »
Neighbor (and the brother from the OP) are not wrong for pursuing a job that someone else wants/needs.  Even if that someone is a friend/family member.  Basing employment decisions on who "needs" it is the sort of thinking that leads to women getting underpaid (or not hired at all) since they didn't 'need' to support a family.  Not the direction I would want to see things go again.

I'm getting flashbacks from Atlas Shrugged, where people would be bleating they deserved something because they needed it more. It's not about your needs, but that of the company. They need someone, not necessarily you.

TootsNYC

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Re: Applying for the same job as a friend
« Reply #14 on: July 28, 2013, 12:11:48 AM »
OK so let me ask a question about a related issue then. I live in a very small town and this kind of stuff is common in places where everyone knows everyone. When my brother told me about his situation I immediately thought of this one from a few years ago.

A neighbor applied for a job. She'd been a stay-at-home mom for a while, but her kids were back in school and she wanted to get back in the workforce. It was a part-time job but in the field where she'd worked before kids. A friend of hers, but not a close friend, also applied for the job, and they were told that they were the only two who applied. I think they were told that there was only one other applicant, not specifically who the other person was. Anyway, it was at a non-profit, so not many hours, not much pay, and therefore not many people were interested. The neighbor was far and away more qualified, maybe to the point of being overqualified since she'd worked full time in a similar but much more strenuous position and in a supervisory level before having kids, but the number of hours worked for her and she didn't need the money anyway. She just wanted to start working again. The friend really needed a job - her husband had been given a paycut and her family was trying to find a way to make up the difference, and they weren't having an easy time before the paycut. Does that change things, if one person is taking a job but doesn't really need a job? I know the friend as well. She's a closer friend to me than she is to my neighbor. She was really upset at my neighbor for applying and then not backing out when she found out the friend was applying.


ye gods, no that's not wrong, to apply for a job you want! Nobody is required to put their own life on hold because someone else wants what they want.

It's sort of "excuse me for living!" territory.

The friend who was upset about the other job applicant was really, really, really, really wrong.

I think it's wrong to be upset, even! I can see you'd be bummed, and maybe secretly wish the other person would drop out. But to be angry with the other person, or think less of them, because they aren't going to give up their own desires for you? Inappropriate.
« Last Edit: July 28, 2013, 12:27:57 AM by TootsNYC »