General Etiquette > Family and Children

Funeral Dress Code Seems To Be Changing - "Dress Clothes" Definition

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hannahmollysmom:
I did see one not appropriate outfit a few years ago. A little baby that I watched once a week passed from SIDS. At the visitation, a friend of the Mom's showed up in short shorts and a flimsy halter top. Yes, it was in August, but it was still not appropriate for the somber occasion.

The Mom was young, and so was her friend, so maybe this was a first for her?

courtsmad25:
I am very "live and let live"a and open minded about most things in life, however, I personally feel that dressing somber for a funeral is a must unless it was specifically requested for a diffrent type of clothing be worn. I just find it disrespectful when you don't dress up (unless coming or going right back to work, that's cool).. And if someone could possibly mistake you for a "working girl" in your dress or skirt, its too short..no excuses.  :o

VorFemme:
Two of the girls from last week's funeral showed up today at the funeral.

Dresses to knees (lucky that the cemetery area where we were had a cement pad - one of them had silver high heels on - at 14, I didn't have 3"+ heels - it is truly a different era today).  No strapless prom dresses - deceased had asked for a "celebration" of their life, so there was a lot less overall black and more colors with black in the print or some black & white outfits with prints or embroidery of black on white - some with other colors.

There were several women wearing high heels - the national cemetery had a permanent cement and brick ROOFED pavilion for the brief ceremony (scheduled at 15 minute intervals).  It was great - but a 45 minute drive from the church (near their home) to the cemetery and another 15 minutes back....

Glad I had enough gas in the van - I hadn't KNOWN ahead of time that the drive was going to be that far!  It was in Texas - maybe I "should have known"......?

twiggy:
My grandpa passed 7 years ago. At the time I was working crazy hours (about 70+ per week, overnights). I managed to stumble into a store and pick up a knee length, 3/4 sleeve black dress.

I wore that same dress to my son's funeral about 6 months later. I remember that only because I was going through my closet and came across what I immediately dubbed "my funeral dress" and cried.

I don't know what my mom/dad/siblings/exH wore that day. I only remember that my boss came, and he wore a suit. And I only know that because when he offered me condolences, I was crying so hard I got snot on his suit and when I returned to work I insisted on paying for it to be dry cleaned.

So, from the POV of a fellow mourner, I would probably take note of any non-standard outfits. As a social convention, dress codes are important.
But, from the POV of the bereaved, it wouldn't impact me at all. Honestly I doubt I would have noticed if someone showed up to DS's funeral wearing those clear platform heels with live goldfish swimming in them.

LibraryLady:
When daddy died, I was 6 hours away from home and he was in a hospital 1-1/2 hours from where he and mother lived.  The funeral home took him to be prepared and mother, sister and I stayed and shopped for me something to wear (I finally remembered, a blue pinstriped pantsuit) and mom had bob the hairdresser fix her hair for the funeral.

The church was crowded with farmers, ranchers and small town people and I really don't remember how they were dressed - I do remember seeing my sister's friends from San Antonio - they sort of stood out as they were dressed  a bit "nicer" - more makeup, dresses, etc. than most from the town of 4,000 that i grew up in.

No flashing shoes in a small central Texas town   ;D

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