Author Topic: again......asked if i was pregnant  (Read 9140 times)

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kaybee

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again......asked if i was pregnant
« on: July 27, 2013, 03:15:18 PM »
was at the local zoo for a sleepover---very cool and both my 7 yo son and i were really looking forward to it.

during the walking tour --before the campfire----one woman turned to me and said--you're so brave for coming "in your condition" >:(

i knew exactly what she meant and said--i'm not pregnant....she looked embaressed but then we were togehter for the whole eveningand part of the next morningand i felt uncomfortable
i am tired of people saying this to me and have lost about 10pounds lately so it feels even more hurtful.......

any other helpful responses....because what i really want to say is

YOU ARE REALLY RUDE AND I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU JUST SAID THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NyaChan

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Re: again......asked if i was pregnant
« Reply #1 on: July 27, 2013, 03:19:49 PM »
I think you handled it perfectly.  I assure you, anyone listening was thinking the subtext you wanted to say out loud.  Like the ehell blog pointed out - people do recognize when others are behaving badly.  You could also say, "What condition is that?"  or "What do you mean?" but that would probably draw the encounter out, whereas ending it quickly gives you less to have to endure.

ETA:  Forgot to put in, ((HUGS)).  I'm sorry that woman put a damper on your night.

Addy

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Re: again......asked if i was pregnant
« Reply #2 on: July 27, 2013, 03:33:47 PM »
Awwww, I'm so sorry that happened to you. I had a similar experience recently and decided that I was just going to let the other person sputter and feel the embarrassment that she had earned for herself.

I was at a reception when someone I new only as an acquaintance came up to me and said "I'm going to make a faux pas." I just sort of looked puzzled, because at that time I didn't really clue in to what was coming. Then she asked if I was pregnant. I gave her a flat, abrupt no, then said nothing. She started apologizing and said "oh, it's just that you've gained so much weight"  :o The whole time she tried backtracking I just stared at her with a neutral expression and said nothing but "hmmmmm" I'm sure she was uncomfortable, but I didn't care.

I wish now that when she said she was going to make a faux pas, I had stopped her. Sigh, just when I thought I had gotten to the age that I could wear whatever I wanted and people would know that I was too old to be pregnant.

I know how hurtful it is, but I agree with NyaChan that you handled it the best you could. My way was probably not great, because she ended up explaining to me how fat I was and how much weight I'd gained.

kaybee

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Re: again......asked if i was pregnant
« Reply #3 on: July 27, 2013, 03:34:50 PM »
we had a fun time anyway....but i had to consciously tell myself to stop thinking about what she said.

just fyi--we did a night walk and saw all the animals who are more actve at night,had a bonfire and made pita.slept in a tent(probably the most exciting part for my son,after getting the guides flashlight),seeing theanimals wake up in the morning,seeing the kitchen where they prepare the animals food and watching the guide feed the monkeys....and then breakfast and feeding the ducks by the lake......

GSNW

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Re: again......asked if i was pregnant
« Reply #4 on: July 27, 2013, 03:58:17 PM »
I think it was Jerry Seinfeld who said, "You should never ask a woman if she is pregnant unless you see an actual baby emerging at that moment."  Also, even if you were pregnant, since when is a zoo sleepover something difficult in "that condition"? 

Her commentary was rude all around and it would be a good moment for "what an interesting assumption."  Don't let HER rudeness make YOU uncomfortable.

Aquamarine

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Re: again......asked if i was pregnant
« Reply #5 on: July 27, 2013, 04:12:20 PM »
"I don't understand what condition you're referring to, can you elaborate"??  They've earned their embarrassment and making themselves explain their thinking only to be told "I'm not pregnant, what made you think that I was"? will probably prevent from doing it to anyone else.

It's not rude to make those that make thoughtless remarks squirm when you want to.
Always be polite, even to nasty people. Not because they are nice, but because you are.

DottyG

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Re: again......asked if i was pregnant
« Reply #6 on: July 27, 2013, 06:21:44 PM »
I think it was Jerry Seinfeld who said, "You should never ask a woman if she is pregnant unless you see an actual baby emerging at that moment." 

It was Dave Barry.

Adding my hugs to the OP. And, Addy, dang! That woman just kept sticking her foot deeper and deeper, didn't she?!


Knitterly

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Re: again......asked if i was pregnant
« Reply #7 on: July 27, 2013, 07:38:02 PM »
I had a similar experience, and you're right, it's incredibly hurtful - especially when you know you've lost weight.  You end up just feeling terrible about yourself.

I try to pretend not to know what they mean, as others have suggested.  *Usually* this embarrasses them into realizing they are wrong.  Sometimes it doesn't.  Sometimes you end up with the clod who feels a need to inform you that your babies are too close together (because you're watching someone else's kid at the same time you're watching your own and your belly makes you look 3-4 months pregnant).

((hug))

There's not much you could say or do other than what you did.  A flat "I'm not pregnant" works just fine.  If they are embarrassed or awkward... well... they should be!

Erich L-ster

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Re: again......asked if i was pregnant
« Reply #8 on: July 27, 2013, 08:18:49 PM »
You might make up some ridiculous condition for next time. Yes, my Supercalafragelisticexpyalidociousism has really been giving me trouble lately. I've got a massive herflabadasnock and I can't eat anything that's colored blue anymore.

lakey

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Re: again......asked if i was pregnant
« Reply #9 on: July 27, 2013, 08:23:09 PM »
Addy,
'I was at a reception when someone I new only as an acquaintance came up to me and said "I'm going to make a faux pas." '

This one is even worse because she knew before she said it that she was probably embarrassing you.


Addy

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Re: again......asked if i was pregnant
« Reply #10 on: July 27, 2013, 08:27:54 PM »
Addy,
'I was at a reception when someone I new only as an acquaintance came up to me and said "I'm going to make a faux pas." '

This one is even worse because she knew before she said it that she was probably embarrassing you.

I know! And if I had any inkling of what was coming, I could have said something like "oh, please, don't." Instead I was merrily thinking that my empire waist dress was so cool and comfortable and my favourite shade of orange.  :'(

lorelai

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Re: again......asked if i was pregnant
« Reply #11 on: July 27, 2013, 10:47:25 PM »
Is it e-hell approved to say something like, "you must be so embarrassed!" Not that I've ever said anything like that. But I think it.

GrammarNerd

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Re: again......asked if i was pregnant
« Reply #12 on: July 27, 2013, 10:48:44 PM »
Someone at my old workplace asked me once when I was due.  Cue the awkward response of me telling her that I really HOPED I wasn't pregnant again b/c my baby was only 6 months old!  She muttered something and made the hasty exit stage left.  Went back to my cube and emailed my work friends, who assured me that I didn't still look pregnant. 

I never spoke to that woman directly again for the rest of the time that I worked there.  It was just WAY too awkward, remembering that.

I'm now trying to teach my boys that you NEVER (all caps) make ANY sort of a comment about someone's weight.  NEVER.

johelenc1

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Re: again......asked if i was pregnant
« Reply #13 on: July 28, 2013, 12:03:22 AM »
I am considerably overweight and could probably be mistaken as pregnant.  If someone asked me, it wouldn't bother me in the least.  It's an honest mistake.  It's not their fault I could be seen as pregnant.  It's my fault.  If I choose not to control my weight, then I have to take the responsibility of comments like, "when are you due" or little kids asking why I'm fat.  It's just life.

I don't see the point in getting upset about it or making the person feel worse than they probably already do.  In fact, I would go out of my way to make them feel better.

delabela

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Re: again......asked if i was pregnant
« Reply #14 on: July 28, 2013, 12:30:08 AM »

I was at a reception when someone I new only as an acquaintance came up to me and said "I'm going to make a faux pas." I just sort of looked puzzled, because at that time I didn't really clue in to what was coming. Then she asked if I was pregnant. I gave her a flat, abrupt no, then said nothing. She started apologizing and said "oh, it's just that you've gained so much weight"  :o The whole time she tried backtracking I just stared at her with a neutral expression and said nothing but "hmmmmm" I'm sure she was uncomfortable, but I didn't care.


How could she possibly think this was going to make things better?! She thought it was preferable to just come out and call you fat? Goodness, some people should just nod and smile in public rather than open their mouths.

I'm not a svelte person, and I've had a couple of kids, so I could likely pass as a few months gone most of the time. Once I had a conversation with someone that I later realized involved them obliquely alluding to my (non-existent) pregnancy, but it totally went over my head in the moment and we moved on. So, I suppose cluelessness has worked for me. In a situation where they flat out ask if you are pregnant, if you're the type of person who can get away with playing it off as a joke, maybe do that.