Author Topic: Had to pull out of bday party  (Read 3823 times)

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Hollanda

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Had to pull out of bday party
« on: July 28, 2013, 02:07:44 PM »
Unfortunately today we had to make the decision not to take DS to a long planned bday party of a friend's daughter. DS has had an incredibly busy week and was overtired today to the point of screaming fits. We were massively looking forward to going but to have taken him on an hour's bus journey there and back would to my mind have been cruel. He can talk, and can say when he's tired but when he's overtired, he's not good at using his words.


As soon as we realised the problem (intensified by a bad nights sleep due to storms, poor lad) I sent our unfortunate regrets by text to the hostess, as that was the only means of contact I have for her.) I said DS was ill. In my mind, he may well have been had we taken him. Like any 21 mth old he keeps going until he drops!! And more storms are predicted for tonight, making his nap today vital. He wouldn't have had it if we'd gone.


Is there anything I could have done differently??
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*inviteseller

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Re: Had to pull out of bday party
« Reply #1 on: July 28, 2013, 02:14:44 PM »
I think you did the right thing.  Poor little guy isn't up for it, and you are a smart mom for not subjecting him or anyone else from a melt down.  I know I have had to pull out of things last minute when my kids were little because I knew it just wasn't going to go well.

Pen^2

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Re: Had to pull out of bday party
« Reply #2 on: July 28, 2013, 02:17:40 PM »
I think what you did was fine. These things happen, and sometimes at the last minute it turns out you can't go to an event. The best you can do is to let the host/hostess know, which you did. Also, having seen parents be overly stubborn like this, I think it was very thoughtful of you not to force the poor thing along and possibly make the event unpleasant for the other guests.

Hollanda

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Re: Had to pull out of bday party
« Reply #3 on: July 28, 2013, 02:26:40 PM »
Pen^2 exactly. I didn't want to either inflict screaming abdabs on anyone else and potentially spoil the children's enjoyment of the party and make other parents highly uncomfortable, or get him to the point where he's ill because he's just done too much. Overstimulation really winds him up. He is asleep now, which is the best thing for him. A relaxing day, easy to eat and rather bland, plain food (which he loved) and lots of quiet reading time with a quick outing to the park for fresh air. A noisy party would not have made him happy today. :( we were both really looking forward to it, me and DH, but these things happen. I guess part of being parents is knowing when to set boundaries for LO even when it's a hard thing to do.
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LeeLieLow

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Re: Had to pull out of bday party
« Reply #4 on: July 28, 2013, 02:35:04 PM »
Even though your child wasn't sick in the traditional sense, I think for the sake of brevity, canceling due to "sickness" is the right and polite thing to do.

I remember one time when my son was about 18 months old he developed a bad cough.  We were scheduled to attend a large playgroup that day.  I called the hostess and explained that I had to cancel due to his illness and she thanked me profusely for not bringing a sick child to the playgroup.   Other times when one of my kids has really bad behavior it is sometimes the first clue to an oncoming illness. 
 

onyonryngs

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Re: Had to pull out of bday party
« Reply #5 on: July 28, 2013, 04:39:39 PM »
I'm not sure what you're asking... Is this about nap schedules or how to turn down an invite at the last minute because you didn't mention anything about whether or not the host had an issue with it.  This is normal stuff that happens with kids that age and other parents do understand usually, but it doesn't sound like anyone had an issue with this either.

baglady

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Re: Had to pull out of bday party
« Reply #6 on: July 28, 2013, 04:48:34 PM »
Three words: Not feeling well. That covers a lot of ground, from "so sick I can't get out of bed" to "exhausted and not up for socializing." I bailed on a gathering last-minute just this week for the latter reason. I'd been looking forward to it, but between a bat-poo-crazy week at work and a traffic jam that would have caused me to miss dinner at the event, I was a puddle of meltdowny madness. And I'm waaaay older than your DS. Not feeling well was the excuse I gave, and nobody questioned it. It was one of those "stuff happens" situations.

This wasn't your best friend's wedding. It was a kid's birthday party. She will have others.
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Hollanda

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Re: Had to pull out of bday party
« Reply #7 on: July 28, 2013, 04:57:52 PM »
Nah th Mum didn't have a problem. I was kind of querying my decision to text her, maybe I should've called. I figured that she would be busy getting the party ready. I don't usually text anything of significance, as they have too much scope for misunderstanding. 


Given the incredible weather tonight and DS not sleeping great, I'm satisfied we made the right choice. :)


Thanks folks.
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Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.


Virg

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Re: Had to pull out of bday party
« Reply #8 on: July 30, 2013, 12:35:42 PM »
If you had a reasonable belief that the text would reach her, then texting is fine for such notifications.  As to backing out of the party, illness is one of the etiquette-approved reasons for backing out of an RSVP so you're fine there.

Virg

TootsNYC

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Re: Had to pull out of bday party
« Reply #9 on: July 30, 2013, 05:14:33 PM »
I'm not sure what you're asking... Is this about nap schedules or how to turn down an invite at the last minute because you didn't mention anything about whether or not the host had an issue with it.  This is normal stuff that happens with kids that age and other parents do understand usually, but it doesn't sound like anyone had an issue with this either.

Maybe she's not asking anything--that's not required here at all. Maybe she's just telling an etiquette story.

TootsNYC

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Re: Had to pull out of bday party
« Reply #10 on: July 30, 2013, 05:15:49 PM »
The only thing I'd say is to consider your child's energy levels and the distance you'd need to travel before you accept an invite.

It might be predictable that a long bus trip would be hard on him at that time of day (then again, maybe it wasn't), in which case your life will be easier (as will the hostess's) if you're honest with yourself beforehand.


Hollanda

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Re: Had to pull out of bday party
« Reply #11 on: July 31, 2013, 11:52:17 AM »
Usually he would be fine at that. He loves buses and quite happily sits and talks at people.  We quite often travel places an hour away but only when DS is happy. This place is about an hour away give or take and we'd planned to take lots of toys for ds anyway in case he got bored there or back. Unlikely but we plan for everything these days!

The reason he wasn't himself was he was coming down with a horrid cold. And croup cough which he gets with a cold. So yeah we were right really not to go as a mutual friend took her very small baby. I'd have felt awful had the baby picked up the cold.

It's hard sometimes to gauge what he's ok with because things can change at a moments notice.  We can plan meticulously and still get it wrong!  8)
Knowledge is knowing tomato is a fruit.
Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.