Author Topic: Am I an SS mom?  (Read 5124 times)

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jpcher

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Am I an SS mom?
« on: July 28, 2013, 03:34:43 PM »
AKA . . . I paid for your education so you owe me! :P

I'm 6 of one (very proud) 1/2 dozen of the other (somewhat irritated and probably more stubborn than I should be ::))


DD#2 graduated from beauty school with high honors, took the state-board test and is now a licensed beautician with a full time job at a prestigious salon. Yea! ;D

When she first started school she would practice on me with mani/pedi's and hair cuts (very simple bangs and trim.) She also practiced on her friends with hair color/highlights and styling.

I always paid her the school rate for whatever treatments she gave me saying that I'd rather give you all the money instead of paying the school. Friends paid only for product, not service.

Towards the end of her schooling I started going into the school salon because she needed to have a certain number of customers in order to be checked-off on certain things. Fine. No biggy. The school was 1/2 hour drive, but I did it a few times for her.


So now I am in need of a cut/trim. I asked DD#2 if she would do it for me.



DD#2: Would you please make an appointment at the salon?

Me: Why can't you just do it here?

DD#2: Because I'm new there. The more customers I bring in the better I look to my boss.

Me: But it will only take you like 15 minutes for the trim. How much would it cost at the salon?

DD#2: $XX

Me: And how much of that $XX do you actually receive? (nothing. she works minimum wage or commission whichever is higher +tips.)

DD#2: You know what I get paid. I'm just starting there. I want to make a good impression and bring in as many customers that I can. The salon cut includes the wash (get your head massaged! You know how much you like that!) and blow dry.

Me: Yeah, okay. But that's still an hour driving time (there and back) plus waiting until you're ready to receive me, plus a tip for the wash-person, a tip for you (ha! ;)) and the salon still makes more money off of me than you do!

DD#2: That makes sense. How about Monday when you get off of work? I still wish you would come into the salon.



What would you do? Am I an SS mom asking for in-home treatments rather than going to the salon?

NyaChan

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Re: Am I an SS mom?
« Reply #1 on: July 28, 2013, 03:40:30 PM »
Kind of, but not entirely.  If I were your daughter, I would have just cut it for you at home, because you are my family and I would have done it whether you had helped pay for school or not.  That's why I'm saying not entirely.  However, as a matter of course, I don't think it is fair to expect her to do it for free at home.  This is her job and having a client come in does help her with her employer.  You are asking her to give up that benefit in order to get a haircut for free for yourself.  Not entirely fair IMO.  You didn't set any conditions upon her when you paid for her education in terms of repayment, so to use that as a reason why she should give you free cuts is not right.

CakeBeret

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Re: Am I an SS mom?
« Reply #2 on: July 28, 2013, 03:41:04 PM »
Does your DD live at home?

I would say that if she lives at home, it's reasonable for her to cut your hair at home and for you to pay her a reasonable rate.

If she lives elsewhere and you're asking her to drive to your house, I think that's not as reasonable.

I can see both your viewpoints and I don't fault either one. Maybe you could alternate? Go to her salon for one cut, ask her to cut your hair at home next time.
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EllenS

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Re: Am I an SS mom?
« Reply #3 on: July 28, 2013, 03:48:35 PM »
I think your DD is being very business-savvy.  She knows that at this particular point in her career, having bodies in the seat at the salon will help her more than the pay for one haircut.  You just need to get clear, is this haircut about you helping her, or about her helping you?  Because you presented it as you doing her a favor.  She has told you, that is not the favor she really needs right now.

If you want her to do YOU a favor by cutting it for you at home, that is a reasonable request, and it sounds like she is willing to do it at a time that is good for her.

Both requests are reasonable, and it sounds like you have raised a smart cookie!
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bonyk

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Re: Am I an SS mom?
« Reply #4 on: July 28, 2013, 04:19:32 PM »
You want a favor; she wants a favor.  You paid for her education, so your favor wins.

It might be a nice compromise if you took turns:  home, salon, home, salon, etc. 

PastryGoddess

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Re: Am I an SS mom?
« Reply #5 on: July 28, 2013, 04:52:07 PM »
You've been getting discounted beauty services for some time now.  I think it would be nice of you to go into her salon to help her look good to her boss.  After all, the better she does at her career, the quicker she can become more independent.  I like the idea of alternating as a compromise.


JoieGirl7

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Re: Am I an SS mom?
« Reply #6 on: July 28, 2013, 05:13:32 PM »
I think you are.

Your daughter is an adult and she is making herself very clear in what she wants to do and not do.

I don't think that this means that she is never going to do your hair at home for free again.  I think that in the future when she has a lot of clients and is confidently independent she will come to you and offer it.

I totally understand that in a way she "owes" it to you.  But, sometimes our young adults just need to do things the way they want to do them and its best to go along with it.  It shows an enormous amount of respect for them as adults to do that.

You don't actually have to tip her - she's your daughter and as you said, you paid for school, et al.  Also, you are helping her look good by coming into the salon.

If you can get the service cheaper closer to home, go for it.  But, given that she is just starting out, I would give in to her.  Don't use your mom powers to make her do something she would rather not.  Save them for things that are more important than a free trim.

AngelicGamer

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Re: Am I an SS mom?
« Reply #7 on: July 28, 2013, 05:33:08 PM »
POD Audrey Quest.  I've got to say, jpcher, if I was your daughter, I would be highly miffed at you.  I would still do as you asked and do a good job, but it might be the last time that I would do it.  And if you think that I should because you paid for the education, I'd be working as hard and fast as I could to pay you completely back.  Including the trip to Paris and I would be moving out as fast as possible.

A bit OTT?  Yep, but it is how I would react to my mom in the exact same situation. 




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thedudeabides

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Re: Am I an SS mom?
« Reply #8 on: July 28, 2013, 06:42:03 PM »
When you agree to pay for someone's education, you go into it one of a couple of ways: saying "This is something I'm doing for you to help you get started in life, as a gift"; saying "This is something I'm doing for you to help you get started in life, as a loan"; or saying "This is something I'm doing for you to help you get started in life" and then holding it as something owed without explicitly agreeing that anything is owed in return.

The parents who choose the last course of action tend to be those whose kids decide it's not worth being reminded at every turn that they owe their parent(s) for something they thought the parent(s) freely gave.  This leads the kids to cut the apron strings as quickly as humanly possible and not look back.

If you didn't discuss having your daughter pay you back for her education, then you need to stop looking at it as her owing you things and start looking at the money you spent as a gift to her.

delabela

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Re: Am I an SS mom?
« Reply #9 on: July 28, 2013, 07:02:51 PM »
I totally see where you're coming from - but I would encourage you to see this as a good trait in your daughter. People who do jobs like hers sometimes have a tough time with family members/friends wanting their services for free, and it can take a toll on their business if they don't hold a hard line. Sure, you are in a different category from someone who is just asking for a freebie, since you helped her get where she is, but it may be easier for her if she really does just have a bright line rule that every service she does is through the salon.
« Last Edit: July 29, 2013, 12:52:30 AM by delabela »

Zizi-K

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Re: Am I an SS mom?
« Reply #10 on: July 28, 2013, 07:11:41 PM »
My parents have had a similar argument with my sister, who is a hair stylist. In my mom's case, she goes to the salon but gets the work done for free. The problem came up with my dad. Like your trim, a man's haircut doesn't take very long and does require the products/equipment that many women's procedures do. (getting color done, etc) So my sister used to drive to their house to do his haircuts  (half hour drive). Eventually my sister just didn't want to make the drive, and didn't care if my dad went to someone local. My mom felt she still 'owed' them, and my dad would actually over pay her as a way of just slipping her some money since she wasn't making a lot. My sister appreciated it, but actually felt bad about accepting the money while also not wanting to do the drive. There was a small argument, some hurt feelings for about a week, and then everyone got over it and my dad just started going to someone local. Eventually I think they had to respect her point of view and her decision about how to spend her time.

Since this is your daughter's real job now, I think the freebies that you got when she was a student are naturally going to come to an end. If she wants to give you a family discount, that's nice and you should take her up on that. But I don't think it's reasonable to expect over the top service (her to come to you) because you paid for her education.

*inviteseller

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Re: Am I an SS mom?
« Reply #11 on: July 28, 2013, 07:41:28 PM »
OK, you paid for her schooling...was that her idea or yours?  Was there an agreement for repayment?  Was there talk about free haircuts?  If you paid for it with no agreements for repayment or free hair cuts, then yes you are being a SS.  Her career is a client based career.  The more people she recruits as clients, the better she does so for you to say cut it at home costs her a rung on the advancement ladder.  You want to see her get the money, not the salon, but she won't get money if she doesn't build a clientele, even if that clientele is her friends and family and if the salon doesn't get money, she doesn't have a job.  Yes, she is making peanuts, as most hairdressers starting out do, but thems the breaks. 

I think it is kind of a 'hang over your head' situation for a parent to agree to pay for further education then turn it back that their kid owes them something for it.  You either pay or you don't.  In your case, you paid and your DD excelled in her schooling and found a job, which isn't easy ..my friend is just graduating and having a hard time getting her foot in the door because they all want to know if she has established customers already..but you are basically saying "I paid for it, she should just come do it at home for me."  Are you telling your friends and family to go give her a try at her new salon or would they also expect, because hey, they are friends and family so she should just do it for them at their houses because the salon gets the majority of the money?

SiotehCat

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Re: Am I an SS mom?
« Reply #12 on: July 28, 2013, 08:12:04 PM »
It sounds like the OP was joking(with us) about her DD owing her. It does not sound like its something that she throws back at her DD.

TootsNYC

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Re: Am I an SS mom?
« Reply #13 on: July 28, 2013, 08:18:09 PM »
It sounds like the OP was joking(with us) about her DD owing her. It does not sound like its something that she throws back at her DD.

I agree.

I also agree this was a reasonable favor to ask. Esp. if DD still lives at home.

It wasn't terribly unreasonable for her to ask you to do a different favor, but I also see why you wouldn't want to do that favor anymore. The cost to you--in time and money--was less when she was in school.

AngelicGamer

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Re: Am I an SS mom?
« Reply #14 on: July 28, 2013, 09:47:05 PM »
It sounds like the OP was joking(with us) about her DD owing her. It does not sound like its something that she throws back at her DD.

It didn't sound like joking to me.  Unless I'm losing my touch, I can usually tell when this OP is joking.




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