Etiquette School is in session! > Complete Silence

A minor "who says that?!" moment

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Mental Magpie:

--- Quote from: jayhawk on July 30, 2013, 04:35:38 PM ---Good for you for remembering this useful EH (non)response!  I've used it a couple of times lately. I carry a purse with quite a few things in it. It probably weighs 5 pounds - I don't really know. It's what works for me, KWIM?

A couple of times recently, someone has made mention of the weight  - once was the dental hygenist who set it aside as I was getting into the chair (which I was ok with her picking it up) and the 2nd time was at church when I had set my bag on a table too close to the edge and it dumped over. I quickly picked up and moved it.

Both times, I received a comment - "wow, that's really heavy" and "you sure carry a lot of stuff."   I used to make a comment, but any more, I don't say anything and just let the words hang in the air.  I think it gets my feelings across that I don't really want to hear what they have to say about it.

--- End quote ---

In your case, though, I don't think the people are being rude at all.  IMO, you're looking for offense.  They're making an observation, not a judgment, and probably are doing so out of a need to fill the silence.  In the OP, there is definitely a judgment statement with the, "What's up with that?" part.

jayhawk:
I don't think I'm looking for offense. Maybe I'm just not clever enough to think of an appropriate response. I do know I'm tired of rationalizing my purse, so I just don't say anything.

Mental Magpie:

--- Quote from: jayhawk on July 30, 2013, 09:53:22 PM ---I don't think I'm looking for offense. Maybe I'm just not clever enough to think of an appropriate response. I do know I'm tired of rationalizing my purse, so I just don't say anything.

--- End quote ---

I don't think you have to rationalize your purse, but when you say
--- Quote ---I think it gets my feelings across that I don't really want to hear what they have to say about it.
--- End quote ---

it says to me that you think they're being rude.  That is why I think you were looking for offense in innocuous comments.


Just say, "Yes, it is" like you're bored with it and move on.  I don't think you need to give them complete silence because that, to me, is done in response to something rude.

All this being said, you don't have to justify yourself to me, either; I'm just giving my opinion and you can do with it what you will.  I realize that can sound flippant, but please know that it is not.  It is sincere.

jayhawk:
Thanks, MM. I do like "Yes, it is."

lilfox:

--- Quote from: jayhawk on July 31, 2013, 11:51:24 AM ---Thanks, MM. I do like "Yes, it is."

--- End quote ---

This is exactly what I would have said if the original comment had just been "You changed your hair!"  "Yes, yes I did."  Straight-up statements of fact don't need anything more than a simple acknowledgment.  If there's any implied judgment, it lets the statement just hang there.

FWIW, the commented clearly noticed his own awkwardness-creating moment and emailed me later on to say "Congratulations!* You look good!"  The congratulations was for my now-obvious pregnancy, which someone else had mentioned right before he made the hair comment.  So hey, at least his initial reaction wasn't "You're pregnant, what's up with that??"   :P

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