Author Topic: A minor "who says that?!" moment  (Read 5457 times)

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lilfox

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A minor "who says that?!" moment
« on: July 29, 2013, 08:14:13 PM »
I changed my hair color recently. it did not result in the subtle shade I wanted, which is disappointing but par for the course on at home dye jobs in my own experience, but it's not a bad look.  I feel like it's a dramatic change but so far am running about 50/50 on people even noticing.

I walked out of a meeting today with some coworkers and paused to say hi to a few of the people waiting for the meeting room.  One (who I don't like to begin with) says loudly, "you changed your hair, what's up with that?"

Cue silence from me.  I almost reflexively said something to smooth out the awkwardness of the monent but thought of EH and said nothing instead. I know he was being jokey rather than deliberately rude, but honestly, is there a worse way to point out a change in someone's appearance?

Minmom3

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Re: A minor "who says that?!" moment
« Reply #1 on: July 29, 2013, 10:29:30 PM »
Sigh.  Some people are just idiots.
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Mental Magpie

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Re: A minor "who says that?!" moment
« Reply #2 on: July 30, 2013, 10:15:55 AM »
What on earth did he mean by "What's up with that?"  I probably would have responded in my confusion.  "What do you mean 'what's up with that'?  I got hair dye and dyed my hair.  What more do you want to know?"

I think complete silence was probably a better way to go, though.
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VorFemme

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Re: A minor "who says that?!" moment
« Reply #3 on: July 30, 2013, 11:29:21 AM »
Raise one eyebrow and stare at the guy very briefly - think of the classic Vulcan manner Nimoy used so effectively on the original series - shrug - and turn away.  You must get the idea across that you just do not understand what just happened - so you are going to politely ignore it. 
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jayhawk

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Re: A minor "who says that?!" moment
« Reply #4 on: July 30, 2013, 04:35:38 PM »
Good for you for remembering this useful EH (non)response!  I've used it a couple of times lately. I carry a purse with quite a few things in it. It probably weighs 5 pounds - I don't really know. It's what works for me, KWIM?

A couple of times recently, someone has made mention of the weight  - once was the dental hygenist who set it aside as I was getting into the chair (which I was ok with her picking it up) and the 2nd time was at church when I had set my bag on a table too close to the edge and it dumped over. I quickly picked up and moved it.

Both times, I received a comment - "wow, that's really heavy" and "you sure carry a lot of stuff."   I used to make a comment, but any more, I don't say anything and just let the words hang in the air.  I think it gets my feelings across that I don't really want to hear what they have to say about it.

Mental Magpie

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Re: A minor "who says that?!" moment
« Reply #5 on: July 30, 2013, 06:24:13 PM »
Good for you for remembering this useful EH (non)response!  I've used it a couple of times lately. I carry a purse with quite a few things in it. It probably weighs 5 pounds - I don't really know. It's what works for me, KWIM?

A couple of times recently, someone has made mention of the weight  - once was the dental hygenist who set it aside as I was getting into the chair (which I was ok with her picking it up) and the 2nd time was at church when I had set my bag on a table too close to the edge and it dumped over. I quickly picked up and moved it.

Both times, I received a comment - "wow, that's really heavy" and "you sure carry a lot of stuff."   I used to make a comment, but any more, I don't say anything and just let the words hang in the air.  I think it gets my feelings across that I don't really want to hear what they have to say about it.

In your case, though, I don't think the people are being rude at all.  IMO, you're looking for offense.  They're making an observation, not a judgment, and probably are doing so out of a need to fill the silence.  In the OP, there is definitely a judgment statement with the, "What's up with that?" part.
The problem with choosing the lesser of two evils is that you're still choosing evil.

jayhawk

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Re: A minor "who says that?!" moment
« Reply #6 on: July 30, 2013, 09:53:22 PM »
I don't think I'm looking for offense. Maybe I'm just not clever enough to think of an appropriate response. I do know I'm tired of rationalizing my purse, so I just don't say anything.

Mental Magpie

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Re: A minor "who says that?!" moment
« Reply #7 on: July 30, 2013, 10:30:42 PM »
I don't think I'm looking for offense. Maybe I'm just not clever enough to think of an appropriate response. I do know I'm tired of rationalizing my purse, so I just don't say anything.

I don't think you have to rationalize your purse, but when you say
Quote
I think it gets my feelings across that I don't really want to hear what they have to say about it.

it says to me that you think they're being rude.  That is why I think you were looking for offense in innocuous comments.


Just say, "Yes, it is" like you're bored with it and move on.  I don't think you need to give them complete silence because that, to me, is done in response to something rude.

All this being said, you don't have to justify yourself to me, either; I'm just giving my opinion and you can do with it what you will.  I realize that can sound flippant, but please know that it is not.  It is sincere.
The problem with choosing the lesser of two evils is that you're still choosing evil.

jayhawk

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Re: A minor "who says that?!" moment
« Reply #8 on: July 31, 2013, 11:51:24 AM »
Thanks, MM. I do like "Yes, it is."

lilfox

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Re: A minor "who says that?!" moment
« Reply #9 on: July 31, 2013, 01:13:52 PM »
Thanks, MM. I do like "Yes, it is."

This is exactly what I would have said if the original comment had just been "You changed your hair!"  "Yes, yes I did."  Straight-up statements of fact don't need anything more than a simple acknowledgment.  If there's any implied judgment, it lets the statement just hang there.

FWIW, the commented clearly noticed his own awkwardness-creating moment and emailed me later on to say "Congratulations!* You look good!"  The congratulations was for my now-obvious pregnancy, which someone else had mentioned right before he made the hair comment.  So hey, at least his initial reaction wasn't "You're pregnant, what's up with that??"   :P

Mental Magpie

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Re: A minor "who says that?!" moment
« Reply #10 on: July 31, 2013, 04:42:15 PM »
Thanks, MM. I do like "Yes, it is."

This is exactly what I would have said if the original comment had just been "You changed your hair!"  "Yes, yes I did."  Straight-up statements of fact don't need anything more than a simple acknowledgment.  If there's any implied judgment, it lets the statement just hang there.

FWIW, the commented clearly noticed his own awkwardness-creating moment and emailed me later on to say "Congratulations!* You look good!"  The congratulations was for my now-obvious pregnancy, which someone else had mentioned right before he made the hair comment.  So hey, at least his initial reaction wasn't "You're pregnant, what's up with that??"   :P

I'm glad he noticed himself and went out of his way to correct his mistake.  Maybe there is hope for him yet!



jayhawk, you're welcome :D
The problem with choosing the lesser of two evils is that you're still choosing evil.

lowspark

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Re: A minor "who says that?!" moment
« Reply #11 on: July 31, 2013, 04:58:48 PM »
The "yes it is" reply reminds me of a moment in the movie, Notting Hill. Hugh Grant is at a friend's house for dinner for a blind date with a coworker of the friend. Friend's wife is in a wheelchair and the coworker walks into the house and immediately says to the wife, "You're in a wheelchair!" The wife, just matter of factly replies, "Yes I am!"

It's a funny moment because the coworker is just one of those people who is naturally inappropriate (great for comedy) and of course the date doesn't work out which is immediately predictable. But the wife just handles the comment with such aplomb!

Yes it is or Yes I am or similar can be such a good answer at times.