Sigh...Crazy hunted us down

[Ilovemygeek]

So many many years ago I posted about my saga of my father disowning me after he remarried, then apologizing, then accusing me of a subversive Christmas gift, then trying to reconnect when he heard via Facebook that I was pregnant with DD1.
http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=107414.msg2549698#msg2549698
http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=7673.0
http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=58173.msg1374387#msg1374387

Well, we spoke briefly on FB when I asked if he wanted me to mail him so items I had found when we were getting ready to move out of state. I told him I would mail them when we arrived. When I went to let him know they were on the way, he had blocked me..again. Sigh...

Last week someone claiming to be my husband's FIL called the customer service line for the company my husband works at and got very upset when he couldn't be transfered (my husband doesn't have an extension just his cell). He got the number from the rep and texted him back through Google and well THIS is what happened.

DH: Hi, how are you. Heard you were trying to get a hold of me.

Crazy: Hi DH, please ask Ilovemygeek to stop trying to crash 2nd wife's computer and hack her Twittet. I know it's her. Thanks

DH: You are mistaken about Geek trying to hack 2nd Wife's computer. If you think there is a problem with you should contact a computer professional and contact twitter support

Crazy: DH, I have contacted a professional. It's either you or her I'm not looking for an admission, I just want it stopped. One of the things our investigator uncovered was that the only time activity was interrupted was when you moved. Also people talk to other people and so on. Please- enough is enough.

Um...yeah we've had his number flagged at my husband's office and I'm not even sure what to do past that. I used to do freelance photography and graphic design, which I guess to him is computer savy enough to hack?  I'm a SAHM with 2 little kids and I've had nothing to do with them since they disowned me. I know they're crazy, but I'm a little concerned that this kind of thing is escalating since they essentially looked up my husband on a social media work site to find out his company and then tracked him down there. I'm not sure who these people are who are "talking" but since we don't talk to any of that side since they're all toxic I'm a little flumoxed.

Forgot to add my question LOL sorry errant 3 year old. What is the etiquette of when the cut direct fails?

[Twik]

Oh, dear. You have my sympathies.

It's clear from your other posts that your father's wife is unstable, and paranoid. Oh, and she's extremely hostile (maybe unable to understand the concept of sharing someone's attention?). This can make someone make such leaps clear over the River Logic as to assume that if her Twitter account acts up around the time you have a major life change, you must be the cause of it.

If you've tried to stop contact, and they won't let it go, the only other option I can think of is a restraining order or harassment complaint. It's up to you to decide if you want to go that route. I'd only advise it if they are causing you serious harm. Other than that, hang up if they call, throw any mail in the garbage, and keep them blocked online.

[Virg]

Done right, cutting someone off doesn't "fail" because it's one-sided.  If you've cut them off, why did your DH get the information and make contact?  When he found out it was just more crazy, why did he try to reason with them that it wasn't you?  If you're going to cut them off, you have to do it entirely, which means ignoring every contact and not arguing or discussing with them.  Just let them rage at the silence and ignore any and all attempts at contact.

Virg

[nayberry]

POD -  wot twik said

(((((((((((geek & family))))))))))

[Ilovemygeek]

My husband only contacted him back to find out what was so necessary as to call him at his place of employment. He had gotten rather heated with a sales rep and my husband was just trying to find out the cause.

[Winterlight]

Block him on everything and sever any contact permanently. Get a restraining order if necessary. 

He said it himself in one of the previous threads, "You do not deserve a father like me..." He's right. You don't deserve a father who has repeatedly displayed no respect for you and is willing to jerk you around.

Honey, I get that you want a relationship with him. But it's a two way street. He's treating you like a punching bag, between the disowning and the rest of his nonsense. It's time to drop the rope and walk away.

[jedikaiti]

Block all known contact methods, document any attempts that get past the blocking (but don't respond), and if he manages to catch you on the phone, just say "Please do not contact me again" and hang up.

The etiquette is in not feeding the troll, and being polite when blocking efforts fail.

Good luck.

[Ilovemygeek]

He actually doesn't have our address or phone numbers. Ironically, I get a lot of junk mail for him since he had the engagement ring sent to our house back when he proposed...apparently it followed us out of state. Beyond that, I don't give him much thought except when my girls ask about mommy's daddy. Sigh

[LadyL]

My husband only contacted him back to find out what was so necessary as to call him at his place of employment. He had gotten rather heated with a sales rep and my husband was just trying to find out the cause.

I think the fact that he got heated was clue enough that the cause was the same as always...the crazy was engaged. Don't Engage The Crazy. Sales reps are paid to deal with all kinds. Maybe have your DH get the rep a cookie or a coffee or something and stop by and say "thanks for dealing with my former FIL. We cut off all contact with him because of that behavior" just to fix any professional damage it might have done.

[MrTango]

I think that once the cut-direct fails it becomes a matter of safety trumps etiquette.  I'd contact that authorities in your area and research what it would take to get some sort of no-contact or restraining order against him and his wife.

If he calls you, tell him (once) that you do not want him to contact you, your husband, or your child for any reason and that if he does so, you will contact the police to report his harassment.

[ladyknight1]

Absolute craziness. I can't believe he tracked your DH down.

[TootsNYC]

I don't think it particularly failed in any way that needs some new thing.

You can't stop someone from ever trying to contact you. You can only stop yourself from responding.

So you DH maybe should have realized that if your father was getting "heated" with the sales rep, it wasn't actually anything that the two of you would want to know about. It's a good learning exercise for him.

What *would* you be willing to hear from your dad about? Maybe that his wife is in the hospital or dead? Or that  your grandmother was ill/dying?

If you don't already have channels of information for any of those sorts of things,  see if it's possible to create them somehow (a cousin, or something). Then you and your DH can be prepared in the future by having *already* decided that there is nothing he could have to say to you that you won't already hear from someone more sane.

And yes, your DH is the one who re-engaged the crazy by calling back.
The *best* path, if you truly want to cut him off, was to delete his Google Voice message without any action. And to tell the folks at the company to not give out his work number to family (or if that was his personal cell phone, to never cuss it all to tarnation give out how cell phone number to anyone--take a message).

i don't think you're at a point for a restraining order. Just never answer any messages from him again.

[Carotte]

I think we're past etiquette here, so just keep on ignoring.
Keep a paper trace just in case, have DH tell his job not to give out his phone number, make sure you have a water tight privacy setting on any social media or at least remind people close to you to never ever give your details to someone saying they are family, hug your kids, get yourself a glass of something you like and be happy knowing you are far better without the Crazy in your life.

[Ilovemygeek]

Part of the problem now is he's accusing my husband of hacking now too because he is in the I.T field (no my husband hasn't the slightest idea how to hack into someone's computer, but I guess they figure all computer people are the same sort of like a doctor of philosophy being asked to look at someone's ailment at a party). He told his boss about the situation and everybody just laughed it off. When they first were engaged, I made their Christmas card as requested and I think the fact that I know Photoshop was in their eyes tantamount to being an evil genius.  She probably just has a virus.

To answer what would be worth a response, I really did think it could have been something with my grandmother who I have also severed ties with when she didn't see a problem with my father's behavior in his being ok that crazy pants sent an email as him wishing that me and my brother were never born (she also insulted my mother). I still have his items but at this point, I'm just going to add them to our upcoming garage sale. Honestly, I think what happened is that crazy pants (his psychotic bride) saw that he had fb me and asked how I was doing and she got upset about it and made this up. The woman is really um...unbalanced when it comes to me. He had asked me on FB months ago if I wanted to talk and I said it was too hard to speak on the phone with the kids (plural). He never knew about the 2nd one but just said ok and left it at that. Honestly, the only reason I asked him if he wanted his stuff was that I found his old doll from when he was a boy and a lot of sentimental stuff to HIM and I was trying to do the right thing and return them to him. The box was too heavy to ship from our old state so I was just going to do it when we moved and then this...

[Alpacas]

Part of the problem now is he's accusing my husband of hacking now too because he is in the I.T field

This actually shouldn't be a problem at all. 

I've repeatedly read on this forum that you can only change yourself and not the people around you. And i think this falls into the same category.

Your Father and his wife can accuse you and your DH of everything they want to. From planning to kidnap Santa to painting your Fathers eastereggs black.
All you need to do is ignore any incomming form of communication and you'll never know of their latest crazy behaviour. Throw the letters away (or burn them if that makes you feel better ) and delete all his voice mail.