Author Topic: What now? ("plus one" issue) (nonupdate post20, final post32, odd update post46)  (Read 15295 times)

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Twik

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Re: What now? ("plus one" issue)
« Reply #30 on: August 08, 2013, 09:43:46 AM »
I had someone invite a plus one to my wedding.  I rolled with it.  One more person didn't make a big difference, and I actually enjoyed spending time with the unexpected plus one.

Obviously, everyone is different.  But this wedding sounds like its an outdoor early morning wedding.  At most, there is a brunch type meal afterwards.  If you can swing another guest, and Julie is important to you, I would let the plus one come.

Beyond the issue of space, this is a very small wedding. This would turn it into "my immediate family, my very close friend Julia, and some random guy."

If the OP had to tell any of her single relatives not to bring a guest, I can imagine the hurt caused by "rolling" with a plus-one for a friend.
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norrina

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Re: What now? ("plus one" issue)
« Reply #31 on: August 08, 2013, 10:12:32 AM »
I had someone invite a plus one to my wedding.  I rolled with it.  One more person didn't make a big difference, and I actually enjoyed spending time with the unexpected plus one.

Obviously, everyone is different.  But this wedding sounds like its an outdoor early morning wedding.  At most, there is a brunch type meal afterwards.  If you can swing another guest, and Julie is important to you, I would let the plus one come.

Beyond the issue of space, this is a very small wedding. This would turn it into "my immediate family, my very close friend Julia, and some random guy."

If the OP had to tell any of her single relatives not to bring a guest, I can imagine the hurt caused by "rolling" with a plus-one for a friend.

Thank you Twik. You are spot on, and I had wanted to explain this reasoning to the forum, but wasn't able to do so nearly as succinctly and finally decided to just leave it at the space issue.



norrina

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Re: What now? ("plus one" issue) (non-update post20)
« Reply #32 on: August 19, 2013, 11:00:52 PM »
I hate it when an OP disappears without giving a final update, so if anyone was wondering the outcome, Julie was a no-show. It was hectic enough trying to get everyone out the door at 6:30 a.m. that I didn't have the time or energy to dwell on it, and we proceeded to have a fabulous day.



Marbles

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Re: What now? ("plus one" issue) (non-update post20, final post32)
« Reply #33 on: August 19, 2013, 11:37:00 PM »
I'm sorry your friend didn't come, but it sounds like your day was wonderful. Congratulations, Norrina!

GrammarNerd

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Re: What now? ("plus one" issue) (non-update post20, final post32)
« Reply #34 on: August 19, 2013, 11:50:50 PM »
So she ASKED for an invitation to your FAMILY-ONLY wedding, and then proceeded not to show, and not to call?

WOW.   :o

But I'm glad you had a wonderful day.  And Congratulations!

something.new.every.day

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Re: What now? ("plus one" issue) (non-update post20)
« Reply #35 on: August 20, 2013, 12:06:19 AM »
I hate it when an OP disappears without giving a final update, so if anyone was wondering the outcome, Julie was a no-show. It was hectic enough trying to get everyone out the door at 6:30 a.m. that I didn't have the time or energy to dwell on it, and we proceeded to have a fabulous day.

First off--THANK YOU--I love it when people come back to update. And congratulations on your wedding.

I'm astounded she did not show up, but you have a good attitude about the whole thing.

mrkitty

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Re: What now? ("plus one" issue) (non-update post20, final post32)
« Reply #36 on: August 20, 2013, 12:06:37 AM »
Sounds like Julie might have crossed over into the non-friend territory.

Congratulations, Norrina! I wish you every happiness!

And, I would like to point out, you are a lot more forgiving than I would be! Of course you don't want to let it ruin your day, and I'm certainly glad it didn't, but I wouldn't be inviting Julie to anything any time soon!
Learn from past. Live in the present. Hope for the future.

Nemesis

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Re: What now? ("plus one" issue) (non-update post20, final post32)
« Reply #37 on: August 20, 2013, 12:39:35 AM »
Congratulations!!!

I'm sorry about your "friend". I sure hope that you will consider her friendship in new light after this.

*inviteseller

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Re: What now? ("plus one" issue) (non-update post20, final post32)
« Reply #38 on: August 20, 2013, 08:24:06 AM »
Congratulations on your wedding!  It is a horrible thing that your friend pulled, asking for the invite and asking to bring someone then pulling a no call no show, but it is the lesser of the two evils I guess.  At least she didn't show with the guest!

norrina

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Re: What now? ("plus one" issue) (non-update post20, final post32)
« Reply #39 on: August 20, 2013, 08:31:13 AM »
To those who have said I am more forgiving than they, and/or wondering how this will impact the friendship with Julie, I'm letting it go. By which I mean, I'm not trying to follow up, or mend fences, or try to get back to the friendship I thought we had. Life is too short to dwell on the past, so I'm focusing on my new family, and all my other rich, wonderful friendships and relationships, and putting this one behind me. If Julie gets in touch with me I can be cordial, but I'm not reaching out to get together anymore.



lowspark

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Re: What now? ("plus one" issue) (non-update post20, final post32)
« Reply #40 on: August 20, 2013, 09:24:05 AM »
Ugh. I can't believe she didn't show. That just completely shows her true colors.
Let's see. Invite myself to a family only wedding. Then assume I can also bring a date that the HC doesn't even know. Then cut off communications when the bride says no to the date. Then not show up at all to the event.
Yeah. Ummmm..... I can't see much of a friendship continuing after this.

Definitely kudos to you, norrina, for handling all of this so graciously.

norrina

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Re: What now? ("plus one" issue) (non-update post20, final post32)
« Reply #41 on: August 20, 2013, 09:45:38 AM »
... Definitely kudos to you, norrina, for handling all of this so graciously.

Well, to be honest, I'd really like to tell her exactly what I think of her shenanigans, but I don't see anything to actually be gained by that, so I'm trying to stay zen. It helps that exactly one week before the big day the head of a networking group that I joined about a month ago found out about my upcoming nuptials, and not only was very insistent that he wanted me to let him help somehow, but rallied a bunch of other people I've known less than a month to try and help too. While someone I have considered a close friend for over 6 years was blowing me off because I wouldn't allow her to bring a plus-one to my wedding, someone I've known for barely a month spent over an hour at Costco so that I could buy the groceries for my self-catered wedding under his membership, and arranged for my car detailer to give me a steep discount on my detailing. That kind of puts things in perspective...



Lynn2000

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Re: What now? ("plus one" issue) (non-update post20, final post32)
« Reply #42 on: August 20, 2013, 10:10:43 AM »
OP, thanks for updating. You seem to have a good attitude about the situation--keep focusing on the positive things in your life!
~Lynn2000

JenJay

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Re: What now? ("plus one" issue) (non-update post20, final post32)
« Reply #43 on: August 20, 2013, 10:16:36 AM »
Congrats on the marriage and finding the new group - they sound like fantastic people!!

lowspark

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Re: What now? ("plus one" issue) (non-update post20, final post32)
« Reply #44 on: August 20, 2013, 11:50:22 AM »
... Definitely kudos to you, norrina, for handling all of this so graciously.

Well, to be honest, I'd really like to tell her exactly what I think of her shenanigans, but I don't see anything to actually be gained by that, so I'm trying to stay zen. It helps that exactly one week before the big day the head of a networking group that I joined about a month ago found out about my upcoming nuptials, and not only was very insistent that he wanted me to let him help somehow, but rallied a bunch of other people I've known less than a month to try and help too. While someone I have considered a close friend for over 6 years was blowing me off because I wouldn't allow her to bring a plus-one to my wedding, someone I've known for barely a month spent over an hour at Costco so that I could buy the groceries for my self-catered wedding under his membership, and arranged for my car detailer to give me a steep discount on my detailing. That kind of puts things in perspective...

Oh yeah. No kidding (to the bolded). It's not so much what we want to say. Obviously you're having those thoughts. Who wouldn't!! But exercising the restraint -- that's the hard part.