Author Topic: What now? ("plus one" issue) (nonupdate post20, final post32, odd update post46)  (Read 15669 times)

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earthgirl

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Re: What now? ("plus one" issue) (non-update post20, final post32)
« Reply #45 on: August 20, 2013, 11:53:58 AM »
... Definitely kudos to you, norrina, for handling all of this so graciously.

Well, to be honest, I'd really like to tell her exactly what I think of her shenanigans, but I don't see anything to actually be gained by that, so I'm trying to stay zen. It helps that exactly one week before the big day the head of a networking group that I joined about a month ago found out about my upcoming nuptials, and not only was very insistent that he wanted me to let him help somehow, but rallied a bunch of other people I've known less than a month to try and help too. While someone I have considered a close friend for over 6 years was blowing me off because I wouldn't allow her to bring a plus-one to my wedding, someone I've known for barely a month spent over an hour at Costco so that I could buy the groceries for my self-catered wedding under his membership, and arranged for my car detailer to give me a steep discount on my detailing. That kind of puts things in perspective...

Sounds like the networking group was are of just who the wedding was about, when Julie wasn't.

norrina

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Re: What now? ("plus one" issue) (non-update post20, final post32)
« Reply #46 on: April 04, 2014, 05:41:25 PM »
Bumping this old thread because Julie has just resurfaced, though not in a particularly meaningful way. After this all went down I " unfollowed" Julie on Facebook, so that her statuses weren't showing up in my newsfeed, but never actually unfriended her. 7 1/2 months have passed with no contact. This afternoon I posted a status regarding a bit of an ego boost I got with something that happened at work, and up pops Julie, commenting of my status.  :o

I have to admit, I'm not really sure where to go from here. The comment doesn't really need a response, and I don't know if I want to (or should) respond or not.



ladyknight1

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That is odd.

bloo

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Re: What now? ("plus one" issue) (non-update post20, final post32)
« Reply #48 on: April 04, 2014, 06:15:33 PM »
Bumping this old thread because Julie has just resurfaced, though not in a particularly meaningful way. After this all went down I " unfollowed" Julie on Facebook, so that her statuses weren't showing up in my newsfeed, but never actually unfriended her. 7 1/2 months have passed with no contact. This afternoon I posted a status regarding a bit of an ego boost I got with something that happened at work, and up pops Julie, commenting of my status.  :o

I have to admit, I'm not really sure where to go from here. The comment doesn't really need a response, and I don't know if I want to (or should) respond or not.

Weird.

It's not like enough time has passed that if a dialogue is to be opened, you're not going to mention, "so what happened with the wedding?" to her.

If you're ready to have that conversation, then I'd respond to her post. A conversation may evolve from that. If you really don't care to open up that can of worms, you can cheerfully ignore her post. She's clearly feeling you out and taking a temperature of you by posting on your FB.

Roe

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I'd ignore her.

lowspark

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I would absolutely ignore her. In my experience, no good will come out of reestablishing contact with her. If she had any intention of admitting that she did anything wrong with regard to your wedding, that's what she'd do. Posting a totally unrelated comment is her way of throwing in a hook to see if you'll bite. Don't do it.

Winterlight

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I would ignore and consider defriending.
If wisdom’s ways you wisely seek,
Five things observe with care,
To whom you speak,
Of whom you speak,
And how, and when, and where.
Caroline Lake Ingalls

blarg314

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Quite possibly enough time has passed that she's forgiven your behaviour, and is willing to admit you back into friendship.

Eeep!

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Quite possibly enough time has passed that she's forgiven your behaviour, and is willing to admit you back into friendship.

[snerk]
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." - Dr. Seuss

ladyknight1

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You were on friend probation and you didn't know it!

mlogica

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It's possible that I'm way off base here, and I haven't gone back to re-read this thread in detail, but I'm kind of wondering if Julia thought she was doing the right thing by not showing up for the wedding?

I say this based on the following thoughts:  the OP said (IIRC) that she and Julia were close, but could go long periods of time without communicating.  Julia maybe spoke without thinking when she said that she wanted to be at the wedding, but the OP did invite her, which was a very nice gesture.  Maybe Julia didn't realize just how small the wedding was, and so when she asked to bring a guest, didn't realize that it wasn't a trivial question.  And maybe at that point it all clicked, that the wedding was very small, that it was family only, and that she was never actually on the original guest list.  So maybe at that point, or a little later, Julia decided that it would be better to simply not attend?

Obviously, if that was the case, she should have communicated this to the OP, given some explanation, etc.  Unfortunately, we've seen often enough on this board that many people don't observe these social niceties.  Particularly if they're the least bit awkward.

Not that I'm trying to defend Julia, per se.  Just wondering about alternative explanations for her failure to attend.

Eeep!

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It's possible that I'm way off base here, and I haven't gone back to re-read this thread in detail, but I'm kind of wondering if Julia thought she was doing the right thing by not showing up for the wedding?

I say this based on the following thoughts:  the OP said (IIRC) that she and Julia were close, but could go long periods of time without communicating.  Julia maybe spoke without thinking when she said that she wanted to be at the wedding, but the OP did invite her, which was a very nice gesture.  Maybe Julia didn't realize just how small the wedding was, and so when she asked to bring a guest, didn't realize that it wasn't a trivial question.  And maybe at that point it all clicked, that the wedding was very small, that it was family only, and that she was never actually on the original guest list.  So maybe at that point, or a little later, Julia decided that it would be better to simply not attend?

Obviously, if that was the case, she should have communicated this to the OP, given some explanation, etc.  Unfortunately, we've seen often enough on this board that many people don't observe these social niceties.  Particularly if they're the least bit awkward.

Not that I'm trying to defend Julia, per se.  Just wondering about alternative explanations for her failure to attend.

But that wouldn't explain her not ever contacting the OP again until now.  If indeed she thought she was being nice, don't you think she would have said Congratulations! or How was the wedding? Or anything. To just not say anything after your supposed dear friend's wedding is really really odd.
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." - Dr. Seuss

mlogica

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It's possible that I'm way off base here, and I haven't gone back to re-read this thread in detail, but I'm kind of wondering if Julia thought she was doing the right thing by not showing up for the wedding?

I say this based on the following thoughts:  the OP said (IIRC) that she and Julia were close, but could go long periods of time without communicating.  Julia maybe spoke without thinking when she said that she wanted to be at the wedding, but the OP did invite her, which was a very nice gesture.  Maybe Julia didn't realize just how small the wedding was, and so when she asked to bring a guest, didn't realize that it wasn't a trivial question.  And maybe at that point it all clicked, that the wedding was very small, that it was family only, and that she was never actually on the original guest list.  So maybe at that point, or a little later, Julia decided that it would be better to simply not attend?

Obviously, if that was the case, she should have communicated this to the OP, given some explanation, etc.  Unfortunately, we've seen often enough on this board that many people don't observe these social niceties.  Particularly if they're the least bit awkward.

Not that I'm trying to defend Julia, per se.  Just wondering about alternative explanations for her failure to attend.

But that wouldn't explain her not ever contacting the OP again until now.  If indeed she thought she was being nice, don't you think she would have said Congratulations! or How was the wedding? Or anything. To just not say anything after your supposed dear friend's wedding is really really odd.

Oh, quite possibly I am completely down the wrong path; not knowing either the OP or Julia, it's simply pure speculation on my part as to what Julia may have been thinking/feeling.  If she and the OP don't communicate that often, she may honestly have meant to call/send a card of congratulations, and just never got around to it.  Unless the OP and Julia have a heart-to-heart, and the OP reports back, we'll never really know.

norrina

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OP here again: A day or two after commenting on my FB status, Julia inboxed me to ask if I could help her with something in my professional capacity. If it was something I could have actually helped with there was the potential for payment, so it wasn't a free favor, but still, I think I've figured out why she resurfaced when she did.  ::) 




ladyknight1

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Only a friend when she needs a favor.  ::)