Author Topic: Admitting the need for a nap  (Read 3617 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Knitterly

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1557
    • That other knitting blog
Admitting the need for a nap
« on: July 30, 2013, 09:13:23 PM »
I wonder - when someone asks to visit, is it rude to put a time limitation on (ie, you need to be out of my house at x o'clock) because you need, as an adult, to have a nap?

I babysit several days a month.  I also have a toddler of my own. 

I try to make the days full and active, and so by the time post-lunch nap rolls around, I find I need to rest.  Even if I don't sleep (which I find I usually do), I do need to sit down and read or do something to just relax.  Being an introvert, having company between the hours of noon and 2pm does not work for me.  Ever.  Any day of the week.  This is true whether I have just my own or both kids, but most especially true when I have both kids.

My mother decided she wanted to visit for a cup of tea after lunch yesterday.  This was nice for her.  It was awful for me.  The visit was okay, but I was tired!  LK woke up shortly after my mother arrived, meaning she only slept for 20 minutes (in other words, didn't really nap).  She was grumpy for the rest of the day.  I was grumpy because I was tired.

Mr K scheduled a delivery for today and the delivery was set for between 11am-2pm.  AUUGH!  I wanted to strangle him so badly! Once again, I didn't get to sit my butt down for as much as 30 minutes with a book and a cup of coffee.  :(

A friend who lives out of town sent me a message saying that she's in town on Friday and could she visit.  I said yes and asked her what time she'd be in, thinking late afternoon.  Turns out she's taking the whole day off work, so late morning to early afternoon.
Well... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
But I haven't seen her since Christmas and I do want to see her, but that is my ME TIME! 

I need my me time.  Really need it.  I am an introvert and without that quiet me time mid-day, I find my stress levels go up and I am much less patient with the kids.  I need it even more on Friday to recharge after caring for two active toddlers all day and then having a house full of company in the evening.

So how do I say this?

I can't use "I'm not well" all the time, and "I need a nap" comes across as a bit childish... or is it just my own insecurities thinking that?

Yvaine

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 8705
Re: Admitting the need for a nap
« Reply #1 on: July 30, 2013, 09:16:26 PM »
It sounds like you're saying yes to things when you want to say no. Why not tell (for example) your friend, "I'm free anytime after 2!" You can even tell people that's your downtime if you need to. These are your mom, husband, and friend. You can tell them this stuff.

Nikko-chan

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2558
Re: Admitting the need for a nap
« Reply #2 on: July 30, 2013, 09:20:32 PM »
What Yvaine said. Also, perhaps instead of saying "I need a nap", if you really feel you need an excuse, maybe you could say "Oh! That's when I put Little Knit down for her nap! I actually use that time to recharge my own batteries and relax! Perhaps you could come over at [Whatever time works for your schedule]?"

PastryGoddess

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4506
    • My Image Portfolio and Store
Re: Admitting the need for a nap
« Reply #3 on: July 30, 2013, 09:25:10 PM »
This is me..so much me. 

I also need me time as well.  Not the same time every day, but I need some time every day that is just for me.  My solution is to tell people when I am available and don't leave it to them to decide for me. So for example if I get a request to have lunch or meet up for dinner, or whatever.  I will respond with my availability and go from there.

So you could have told mom, that anytime after 2pm would be fine to drop by or between 2 and 4.  When you friend texted you, you could have replied that you were available after 2pm, etc, etc.

Not having your Me time is going to leave you stressed, tired and cranky.  That's no fun for you or for your family.  You need this time to be your best self possible.  Remember that every time you feel guilty

JenJay

  • I'm a nonconformist who doesn't conform to the prevailing standards of nonconformity.
  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 5787
Re: Admitting the need for a nap
« Reply #4 on: July 30, 2013, 09:36:41 PM »
I'd say "Nap time is 11 to 2 and I've got a light sleeper, but anytime after that works." Nobody needs to know it's your nap.

TootsNYC

  • A Pillar of the Forum
  • *****
  • Posts: 30461
Re: Admitting the need for a nap
« Reply #5 on: July 30, 2013, 09:38:55 PM »
Yeah, PastryGoddess has it exactly right.

Start thinking of naptime as "a doctor's appointment" or "a spa appointment." Because it is.

And then say, "I'm not available between 1 and 2pm, but you can come over earlier/later."

Remember that you don't have to tell people your previous plans. You have them, and you honor them--that's all they need to know.

And if someone says, "I'm going to be in town, can we get together?" What they really sort of want from you is a timeframe: "Yes, let's get together in the morning" or "Terrific--want to swing by at 2:30?" Speak up, woman!

Just because you're based at home doesn't mean you have no plans. Hell, get a calendar and write "nap: 1pm" on every day. Get Outlook or some other computer calendar and schedule it as a recurring event. Then you can honestly say, "I have something on my calendar at 1pm."

And yes, if they come earlier, feel free to say at 12:45, "We'll have to get you out of here, because I've got an appointment." If they ask what for, tell them, "It's a medical thing--no biggie, but I don't want to miss it."

And with some people, like your own mother, I think you ought to be able to say, "That's naptime for me and the baby, so I'm going to scoot you out."

TootsNYC

  • A Pillar of the Forum
  • *****
  • Posts: 30461
Re: Admitting the need for a nap
« Reply #6 on: July 30, 2013, 09:40:23 PM »
I'd say "Nap time is 11 to 2 and I've got a light sleeper, but anytime after that works." Nobody needs to know it's your nap.

Heck, yeah!

Those kids are so darned much trouble, they've got to be good for something. This has *got* to work in our favor sometime!!  And if you can blame anything on LittleKnit (naptime; the mess on the kitchen floor; the need to leave a boring party early), so much the better!

She owes you!

DottyG

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 18204
Re: Admitting the need for a nap
« Reply #7 on: July 30, 2013, 09:52:41 PM »
With your mom, just tell her what you said to us. Or, even better, say, "Mom, I'm exhausted and really need a break. You know what would really help me? If you could do XYZ with Little Knit for an hour or so, and let me get some rest."

Of all people, your mother should be an easy person to talk to and be honest with.


bopper

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 12199
Re: Admitting the need for a nap
« Reply #8 on: July 30, 2013, 10:11:45 PM »
Do you have a smart phone?  Schedule an appt everyday between 12-2. 
When somebody asks you for a time, look at your phone and say "I am available after 2pm that day"

Jocelyn

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2878
Re: Admitting the need for a nap
« Reply #9 on: July 30, 2013, 10:27:01 PM »
If someone comes to visit, and is disinclined to leave at the start of your naptime, tell them you have to go get ready for your appointment, and show them the door. For persistent folks, I've even left the house with them, gotten in my car, and driven away. (returning home fairly quickly). But I realize that if you have young kids, that's rather a hassle, so I'd just opt for the going into the bathroom to perform your toilette.  ;D

Deetee

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 5484
Re: Admitting the need for a nap
« Reply #10 on: July 30, 2013, 10:39:11 PM »
A nap is not a shameful secret You know how you need to structure your day to have the energy to be a good parent.
 Naps are awesome. I have two kids and I love my naps! I don't need them every day, but I like one or two a week.


Like everyone said, tell everyone that you are available after 2.

CakeBeret

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4242
Re: Admitting the need for a nap
« Reply #11 on: July 30, 2013, 10:52:27 PM »
I'm much the same and very carefully guard my naptimes. (I work during the week, but those naps on the weekend are unequivocally ME TIME. I'm a major introvert too, for what it's worth.) Truly, I need it just as much as DS does.

I've never really had to say much about it. I just say "Oh, that's naptime" and act completely unavailable. For example, Sunday my mom came over, and I told her in advance that naptime was at 2. At 1:45 I said "Thanks for coming over! I need to put DS down for his nap now." and moved her toward the door. Scheduling wise, I tell people "If we come over at 1, I'd have to leave by 1:45 for naptime" or "afternoon is fine, you could come over at 4:30; DS should be up from his nap by then."
"From a procrastination standpoint, today has been wildly successful."

Please pass the Calgon

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 436
Re: Admitting the need for a nap
« Reply #12 on: July 31, 2013, 03:35:00 AM »
LOL, you sound like me :) By the time I get home from work, shuttling the kids hither & yon, and running whatever errands need done all I want is 45 minutes to an hour of QUIET. I might nap, I might make an iced coffee and find a quiet spot with the blog reader app on my iPad, or I might curl up in a chair on the back patio to watch our new Great Dane pup annoy the tar out of our 1.5 yr old Yellow Lab (who was doing the exact same thing to our oldest dog a year ago).

Even my 3 kids know that when I announce "I need a bit" they aren't supposed to disturb me unless there's blood, fire or the zombie apocalypse has begun. DH is pretty respectful of this, though we did have a few rough days when he switched jobs to a consultant position where he works from home & travels. The first few months he was stuck home & simply starved for human interaction when I got home...right when all I wanted was to retreat into my shell.

lowspark

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3645
Re: Admitting the need for a nap
« Reply #13 on: July 31, 2013, 10:12:31 AM »
I wonder - when someone asks to visit, is it rude to put a time limitation on (ie, you need to be out of my house at x o'clock) because you need, as an adult, to have a nap?


I struck out the extra part of the question. The question would be better put as, Is it rude to set a time limitation on a visit [regardless of the reason why]?

And the answer to that is No. It's not rude.

I totally agree with PPs who say that you don't need to say what previous commitment you have. Nap, wash hair, watch paint dry, whatever. You state what hours you are available and if it works out, great. If not, well, how about another day?

I also agree that taking a nap or having downtime is nothing to be ashamed of. But again, you really don't have to justify limits on your availability.

siamesecat2965

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 8558
Re: Admitting the need for a nap
« Reply #14 on: July 31, 2013, 10:58:17 AM »
Even my 3 kids know that when I announce "I need a bit" they aren't supposed to disturb me unless there's blood, fire or the zombie apocalypse has begun. 

I am also an introvert, but not married and no kids. I do have two jobs, and really only get Sundays off. So i am very jealous of "my" time. My friends kind of know that most Friday nights if I'm not working, not to ask me to do anything since I love to just go home, and relax from the stresses of the week.

I'd simply let people know when you are available, NOT when you are not, so there isn't any need to give any excuse. Let them know they can visit, or you can, between x and y times, when its convenient for YOU.

And slightly OT, could you maybe see your way and post pics of the Great Dane pup?????