Author Topic: "But things are different now!"  (Read 6395 times)

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*inviteseller

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Re: "But things are different now!"
« Reply #15 on: July 31, 2013, 11:55:07 AM »
I am in the one shower only category too.  I was thrown a surprise shower for my second DD..but the reason given (the hosts are huge etiquette mavens) was a- I never had a shower for my first DD and b- there is an 11 year, 4 day difference between my girls, and I had given away the majority of baby things, other than some sentimental items.  I see women now having huge showers for each kid when they are only a year or two apart and same gender.  I do not go to them.  Why not suggest to your DD a meet the baby party for after the baby comes?   

peaches

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Re: "But things are different now!"
« Reply #16 on: July 31, 2013, 12:04:47 PM »
I think OP's response is on target. She said she won't help with a second shower, but if one of her DD's friends gives a shower, she will attend. That seems reasonable to me.

Second showers are rare in our circle of friends and family. I remember one; I sent a gift because I'd be giving one anyway.

Big, elaborate shower for second and subsequent babies? Not needed IMO. 

Small get-together with like-minded moms? OK with me, but I don't get invited to those anyway.

snowdragon

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Re: "But things are different now!"
« Reply #17 on: July 31, 2013, 12:13:48 PM »
I am very firmly in the camp that showers are

1) to welcome the mother into motherhood

2) not given by family

3) not acceptable for second or more kids.

4) not the way to set you up for a baby ( see number 1)


As a friend or family member I would not go to a shower for a second kid - especially if I got invited to

Goosey

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Re: "But things are different now!"
« Reply #18 on: July 31, 2013, 12:22:13 PM »
I guess if there are enough people in a different camp than the 1 Shower people who would be happy to go to a second shower, I don't see the problem! People who think the mother to be is being greedy can stay home no problem. As for me - unless there were other indicators that the MTB was a greedy-McGreederson in general, I'd have no problems going!

hannahmollysmom

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Re: "But things are different now!"
« Reply #19 on: August 01, 2013, 02:21:18 AM »
Thanks for all the replies. I have decided that if a friend of hers decides to throw a shower for her, I will go. I think it might be a different group of friends too, with no relatives. Her first shower was mostly relatives and close friends. I imagine it would probably be low key also. A few friends sitting around and nibbling on snacks.

She has decided to reuse many of the big items, like the swing, bassinet, etc. as they are brown with pink butterflies, and really, how long do they use these items. The baby boy won't know the difference.

I had mentioned a meet the baby party, but due to him being due during flu season, she doesn't want to do that, and I don't blame her.

So, we'll see how it goes. I have been shopping though, and found the cutest onesie, "Worlds Best Little Brother"! I am really excited as I had 2 daughters, and 1 sister, so this is the first boy on my side in a long time!

TootsNYC

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Re: "But things are different now!"
« Reply #20 on: August 01, 2013, 11:20:42 AM »
No, you aren't wrong. She could have chosen gender neutral colors the first go round. Since she didn't, replacing anything should be on her.

This is actually one reason why I think (1) people shouldn't reveal the baby's sex; and (2) people shouldn't buy gender-specific swings, crib, car seats, even newborn baby jammies! I'd love to see Etiquette "dictate" (well, as much as Etiquette dictates anything) that it's "bad form" to buy the basic layette items in colors for a first baby.

I'm buying nursing equipment for a cousin who will soon be having a baby girl. I deliberately bought cream, not blue or pink.

Like you, OP, I'd attend a second shower. And I think a lot of second showers are "sprinkles" (a term others hate but that I think is sort of clever), in which the idea is simply to say, "how neat, baby no. 2, we're happy for you!" and not to supply her with stuff. In that situation, I can't really complain about them. I'd only attend one for a very close friend or relative. (for example, I wouldn't attend one for this cousin's wife; I love her husband dearly and I think she's darned neat, but I'm not actually close enough to want to do that. I'll give them clothes when the second baby is actually born, probably.)

artk2002

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Re: "But things are different now!"
« Reply #21 on: August 01, 2013, 11:29:44 AM »
No, you aren't wrong. She could have chosen gender neutral colors the first go round. Since she didn't, replacing anything should be on her.

This is actually one reason why I think (1) people shouldn't reveal the baby's sex; and (2) people shouldn't buy gender-specific swings, crib, car seats, even newborn baby jammies! I'd love to see Etiquette "dictate" (well, as much as Etiquette dictates anything) that it's "bad form" to buy the basic layette items in colors for a first baby.

I'm buying nursing equipment for a cousin who will soon be having a baby girl. I deliberately bought cream, not blue or pink.

My step-son and DIL are expecting their first and they don't want to know the gender, which means that we don't know either. Mrs.k2002 has been having the devil of a time finding gender-neutral onesies.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bow lines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. -Mark Twain

Bexx27

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Re: "But things are different now!"
« Reply #22 on: August 01, 2013, 11:39:25 AM »
No, you aren't wrong. She could have chosen gender neutral colors the first go round. Since she didn't, replacing anything should be on her.

This is actually one reason why I think (1) people shouldn't reveal the baby's sex; and (2) people shouldn't buy gender-specific swings, crib, car seats, even newborn baby jammies! I'd love to see Etiquette "dictate" (well, as much as Etiquette dictates anything) that it's "bad form" to buy the basic layette items in colors for a first baby.



I agree strongly with the second point, though I think it's more a matter of common sense than etiquette. We had no trouble finding gender neutral versions of the carseat, stroller, crib bedding, swing, towels, etc. It seems so silly to replace perfectly good - and expensive - items a few years later just because they are the "wrong" color (as if the color matters to the baby!).
How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of the weak and strong. Because someday in life you will have been all of these. -George Washington Carver

Sharnita

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Re: "But things are different now!"
« Reply #23 on: August 01, 2013, 11:44:09 AM »
I agree, although in my mind a navy, orange, red, brown, green or red car seat would all be gender neutral. Apparently some people don't agree.

Bluenomi

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Re: "But things are different now!"
« Reply #24 on: August 01, 2013, 07:32:02 PM »
I'm currently trying to convince a friend I don't need a baby shower for the twins. I had one for DD so I don't need another one. I don't want to come out and say it's bad etiquette to have a shower for second babies since we all just attended a shower for a friend's 3rd baby!

hobish

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Re: "But things are different now!"
« Reply #25 on: August 01, 2013, 07:49:43 PM »

You are going to get people who say a second shower is ok for a different gender, or because the first one (or two, or four) is older and they need stuff, or every baby should be celebrated or whatever reason they want to make up because they want to do things their way. Things have not changed, this is still an etiquette board, and etiquette -- as opposed to Cousin Sally or InternetLady701 or whoever still says one shower per Momma.

That said ... I have admit before ... I was railroaded into co-hosting a 2nd shower. I should have shined my spine up and said No No NO, but like bluenomi the other girls had already had 2nd showers and i just rolled with it instead of offending. I had already offended one of them by telling her something was tacky, and she has done it at her shower  :-\ So ... obviously I still need EHell!!
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snowdragon

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Re: "But things are different now!"
« Reply #26 on: August 01, 2013, 07:53:21 PM »
No, you aren't wrong. She could have chosen gender neutral colors the first go round. Since she didn't, replacing anything should be on her.

This is actually one reason why I think (1) people shouldn't reveal the baby's sex; and (2) people shouldn't buy gender-specific swings, crib, car seats, even newborn baby jammies! I'd love to see Etiquette "dictate" (well, as much as Etiquette dictates anything) that it's "bad form" to buy the basic layette items in colors for a first baby.

I'm buying nursing equipment for a cousin who will soon be having a baby girl. I deliberately bought cream, not blue or pink.

My step-son and DIL are expecting their first and they don't want to know the gender, which means that we don't know either. Mrs.k2002 has been having the devil of a time finding gender-neutral onesies.

Joann Fabrics has white ones that one can either give as is or decorate as one wishes

secretrebel

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Re: "But things are different now!"
« Reply #27 on: August 02, 2013, 04:11:56 AM »
I agree, although in my mind a navy, orange, red, brown, green or red car seat would all be gender neutral. Apparently some people don't agree.

I don't think ANY colours have gender. I know a lot of people disagree but when I hear people saying that pink is a girl colour or that blue is for boys I honestly boggle. I like to buy little kid bright fun things with dinosaurs or spaceships on them.

strangetimes

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Re: "But things are different now!"
« Reply #28 on: August 02, 2013, 07:24:54 AM »
No, you aren't wrong. She could have chosen gender neutral colors the first go round. Since she didn't, replacing anything should be on her.

This is actually one reason why I think (1) people shouldn't reveal the baby's sex; and (2) people shouldn't buy gender-specific swings, crib, car seats, even newborn baby jammies! I'd love to see Etiquette "dictate" (well, as much as Etiquette dictates anything) that it's "bad form" to buy the basic layette items in colors for a first baby.

I'm buying nursing equipment for a cousin who will soon be having a baby girl. I deliberately bought cream, not blue or pink.

My step-son and DIL are expecting their first and they don't want to know the gender, which means that we don't know either. Mrs.k2002 has been having the devil of a time finding gender-neutral onesies.

Joann Fabrics has white ones that one can either give as is or decorate as one wishes

Old Navy always has cute onesie three packs in neutrals. Children's place usually does as well.

MommyPenguin

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Re: "But things are different now!"
« Reply #29 on: August 02, 2013, 08:05:26 AM »
I was a big fan of the bright primary colors when I had my first.  You know, that typical blue-red-green-yellow combination you see in a lot of pack 'n' plays, etc.  I got a dark blue carseat, primary colored bouncer, pack 'n' play, etc.  Another option for neutrals in baby gear is that Eddie Bauer sage green and wood tones.  There are also solid-colored things, like a friend of mine is getting a solid orange bouncer.  I think it's really best for baby gear to be in neutrals, unless you really have reason to believe you'll only have one child, and YOU are willing to take the risk that YOU might need to replace the gear, if you have another child of the other sex and you care enough.

For baby clothes, though, I think gender-neutral stuff is really hard.  Oh, sure, you can get some gender-neutral onesies and sleepers in the early sizes, maybe through 6-9 months at most.  We have plenty of sleepers that have little yellow ducks because, hey, ducks are cute.  And neutral.  :)  But most baby clothes, and especially the cute adorable baby clothes that people so love to pick out, are strongly designed for one sex or the other.  My little dinosaur-loving girl was endlessly frustrated at desperately wanting a dinosaur t-shirt, but they are only available in army green (generally with the dinosaur being violent) or brown.  She couldn't see why they couldn't make cute dinosaurs on blue or pink or pretty green shirts.  I guess I should have looked for a cute dinosaur applique.  :)