General Etiquette > Techno-quette

Death of a Facebook Friend

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A bunch of people I know from another site are also friends on Facebook, though we don't know each other in real life. One of us remembered that "Paul's" birthday was coming up and went to check his profile to find out exactly what day it was. In doing so, she found out that his birthday is today, but she also found a post from one of his real-life friends that indicated that he'd died several days ago.

Several of us responded to that friend's post and she clarified for us that it was indeed true. He'd died very suddenly and unexpectedly.  :'(

My question is: Some of his other friends are now posting Happy Birthday messages on his wall, clearly not knowing that he's deceased. If they read all the posts on his wall they would find out the same way we did, but most folks don't do that when they post birthday wishes.

None of us in the group I'm part of know any of his other friends. Is it out of line for us to PM them and let them know what happened? Or do we just ignore it and let them find out on their own somehow or another?

Paul was not a really social guy, so I'm not sure that the news would travel among his friends otherwise.

I think you just let this evolve or not as it naturally does, which is another way of saying to do nothing.  People who actually "know" Paul in real life, or even more roundly as a screen name, are likely to figure this out on their own naturally if Paul's friendship is important to them.  Not to minimize his death, but basically everyone else is a stranger and it would be more gossip than anything.

I don't think it would be in the least wrong for you to send them a PM and alert them to Paul's death.


--- Quote from: TootsNYC on July 31, 2013, 06:23:42 PM ---I don't think it would be in the least wrong for you to send them a PM and alert them to Paul's death.

--- End quote ---

I don't think so, either. I have FB friends like that, and i know i would consider it a kindness in the same situation.

I'm sorry about your friend.

I have a lot of game friends on FB.  I check birthdays almost daily.. and from there before I wish them a HB.. I check to see if we are still playing games together.. or if they have passed on.

For those no longer playing games I do (or I am not playing the games we hooked up to play) I quietly defriend them.

For those who have passed on I post a "I wish we could still be playing X game together.  I miss you.  May you rest in peace."

And then I defriend them. (Except for a few people who I really, really connected with.. )

Hopefully others look at their friend's wall and see my post (and others) and get that the friend is gone.

I almost always cry.. especially when I read tributes from those who really knew the friend.


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