Author Topic: Death of a Facebook Friend  (Read 3350 times)

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bansidhe

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Death of a Facebook Friend
« on: July 31, 2013, 01:37:56 PM »
A bunch of people I know from another site are also friends on Facebook, though we don't know each other in real life. One of us remembered that "Paul's" birthday was coming up and went to check his profile to find out exactly what day it was. In doing so, she found out that his birthday is today, but she also found a post from one of his real-life friends that indicated that he'd died several days ago.

Several of us responded to that friend's post and she clarified for us that it was indeed true. He'd died very suddenly and unexpectedly.  :'(

My question is: Some of his other friends are now posting Happy Birthday messages on his wall, clearly not knowing that he's deceased. If they read all the posts on his wall they would find out the same way we did, but most folks don't do that when they post birthday wishes.

None of us in the group I'm part of know any of his other friends. Is it out of line for us to PM them and let them know what happened? Or do we just ignore it and let them find out on their own somehow or another?

Paul was not a really social guy, so I'm not sure that the news would travel among his friends otherwise.
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TurtleDove

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Re: Death of a Facebook Friend
« Reply #1 on: July 31, 2013, 02:22:16 PM »
I think you just let this evolve or not as it naturally does, which is another way of saying to do nothing.  People who actually "know" Paul in real life, or even more roundly as a screen name, are likely to figure this out on their own naturally if Paul's friendship is important to them.  Not to minimize his death, but basically everyone else is a stranger and it would be more gossip than anything.

TootsNYC

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Re: Death of a Facebook Friend
« Reply #2 on: July 31, 2013, 07:23:42 PM »
I don't think it would be in the least wrong for you to send them a PM and alert them to Paul's death.

hobish

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Re: Death of a Facebook Friend
« Reply #3 on: July 31, 2013, 07:58:08 PM »
I don't think it would be in the least wrong for you to send them a PM and alert them to Paul's death.

I don't think so, either. I have FB friends like that, and i know i would consider it a kindness in the same situation.

I'm sorry about your friend.
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squeakers

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Re: Death of a Facebook Friend
« Reply #4 on: July 31, 2013, 11:39:54 PM »
I have a lot of game friends on FB.  I check birthdays almost daily.. and from there before I wish them a HB.. I check to see if we are still playing games together.. or if they have passed on.

For those no longer playing games I do (or I am not playing the games we hooked up to play) I quietly defriend them.

For those who have passed on I post a "I wish we could still be playing X game together.  I miss you.  May you rest in peace."

And then I defriend them. (Except for a few people who I really, really connected with.. )

Hopefully others look at their friend's wall and see my post (and others) and get that the friend is gone.

I almost always cry.. especially when I read tributes from those who really knew the friend.
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bansidhe

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Re: Death of a Facebook Friend
« Reply #5 on: August 01, 2013, 12:59:20 AM »
One of the members of my group found an option we didn't know about previously: https://www.facebook.com/help/contact/305593649477238. We're going to ask the friend who made the post about Paul's death if she wants to request this or if Paul has a family member who'd want to make the request.

If nothing comes of that, then we'll let the friends who posted birthday messages know what's up. I keep thinking if I were in their shoes, I'd want to know.
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TootsNYC

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Re: Death of a Facebook Friend
« Reply #6 on: August 02, 2013, 10:57:47 AM »
One of the members of my group found an option we didn't know about previously: https://www.facebook.com/help/contact/305593649477238. We're going to ask the friend who made the post about Paul's death if she wants to request this or if Paul has a family member who'd want to make the request.

If nothing comes of that, then we'll let the friends who posted birthday messages know what's up. I keep thinking if I were in their shoes, I'd want to know.

I am really, really, really hoping nobody does this to my mom's page.


BarensMom

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Re: Death of a Facebook Friend
« Reply #7 on: August 02, 2013, 01:24:09 PM »
One of the members of my group found an option we didn't know about previously: https://www.facebook.com/help/contact/305593649477238. We're going to ask the friend who made the post about Paul's death if she wants to request this or if Paul has a family member who'd want to make the request.

If nothing comes of that, then we'll let the friends who posted birthday messages know what's up. I keep thinking if I were in their shoes, I'd want to know.

I clicked on the link and I like that FB is kind enough to extend their condolences.

ettiquit

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Re: Death of a Facebook Friend
« Reply #8 on: August 02, 2013, 02:43:39 PM »
How odd.  I want my FB to be deleted when I die.  But everyone's different.  :D

squeakers

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Re: Death of a Facebook Friend
« Reply #9 on: August 02, 2013, 06:52:29 PM »
Memorialized pages have been around for a long time.  One of my son's friends has one and it is touching to read the posts the kids still put up wishing he was with them. Especially when they graduated high school.

I find that sweet.. what I find creepy are the ones that are not Memorialized and game friends are still posting game stuff to the wall. 

My kids and DH know to go on my FB account and let my friends know I am gone.  Then to block all games.  I wouldn't want to have my account deleted because FB has a huge footprint in my life and is part of who I am.  As in.. most people remembering me will mention "she sure loved playing those games!"
"I feel sarcasm is the lowest form of wit." "It is so low, in fact, that Miss Manners feels sure you would not want to resort to it yourself, even in your own defense. We do not believe in retaliatory rudeness." Judith Martin

bansidhe

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Re: Death of a Facebook Friend
« Reply #10 on: August 03, 2013, 02:33:46 AM »
I find that sweet.. what I find creepy are the ones that are not Memorialized and game friends are still posting game stuff to the wall. 

Yes - and the deceased person still shows up to people as a suggested friend.   :(

No clue what my deceased friend's family or real-life friends will opt to do, if anything, but I like the "memorialization" idea for my own Facebook page (if it's still around when I go).
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cabbagegirl28

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Re: Death of a Facebook Friend
« Reply #11 on: September 01, 2013, 06:21:37 PM »
I find that sweet.. what I find creepy are the ones that are not Memorialized and game friends are still posting game stuff to the wall. 

Yes - and the deceased person still shows up to people as a suggested friend.   :(

No clue what my deceased friend's family or real-life friends will opt to do, if anything, but I like the "memorialization" idea for my own Facebook page (if it's still around when I go).

That happened to me two days after my private clarinet teacher died. I was looking for something happy, and my teacher popped up in my suggested friends list. I thought that I couldn't cry any more, between the grief and the tears of pain from my wisdom teeth removal. Nope.

bansidhe, I hope that the giving of news wasn't too upsetting. Condolences on your loss.


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