Etiquette School is in session! > "I'm afraid that won't be possible."

When "That won't be possible" is met with insistence on their way

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Another vote here for the lock on the door. Then if he keeps insisting after you've said "That isn't possible", remember "NO" is a complete sentence.

This sounds like a case where "that won't be possible" might not work, because it is physically possible.  I think "My bedroom is off-limits" is your key phrase here.

BIL can insist, but that doesn't mean you have to give in.

There used to be a very, very pushy person in my life. I'd let them talk at me, state my answer once, and walk away. If they kept at me, and they did, I'd listen, then walk away. They would get hugely upset, and get other people to get upset with me as well. It takes a lot of strength to deal with these people. But I have since found out that several other people admired me for being able to stand up to them.

No one can make you do something. What happens is you give into them because you are tired of dealing with them.

If you give in now, you will be giving in again and again and again.

Get a lock for your bedroom. As you say, there is no reason for BIL to know anything about what is in your bedroom. This is the simplest and easiest way to deal with this demand from him.

Remind BIL that he is the one who is choosing to have a big party in a house with one functioning, available bathroom. He either deals with that, changes the party location, or rents portapotties. His choice.

As long as you are saying "No" politely, I don't see why you need to say anything else. Just say no. If BIL wants to argue, let him. You don't have to respond to him.

However, I would not do anything else to hinder or hamper the party. If you would normally clean the public rooms before BIL shows up, clean them. If you would normally make extra ice, or lay in a supply of soda, etc., do that. Do everything as you would if he wasn't making this demand, so that no one can later say that you did anything to affect the party. Other than maintaining your privacy in your own bedroom, of course.

The goal is to show that you are reasonable about BIL and his family using the house. You understand that it is a shared house and BIL and his family are allowed to use it. You just have one small space they aren't allowed into.

If he is that aggressive and that insistent, why not just move out and go somewhere you don't have to deal with him?  And what does your dh say about it?  Can't he tell his own brother or brother in law to back off and leave you alone? 

PODding the lock. And if that's not feasible right now, do what I've done at my parents' house in the past. If there's something beside the door, a piece of furniture or something, pull it about an inch or so from the wall. Wedge a big stick between that and the wall, and cross it across the door. Of course, that only works if you're going to spend the entire time inside your room, but it's always an option.

Don't JADE. Don't give any specific reasons. It's YOUR space. He needs to respect that.


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