Author Topic: Rude not to check voice mail?  (Read 15160 times)

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wyliefool

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Re: Rude not to check voice mail?
« Reply #135 on: August 09, 2013, 01:06:52 PM »
It's a pattern that's wholey in favor of the OP and I think that's where the problem comes in. Her mom is expected to make all the effort and maybe she was peeved about her missing the event because of this.

Again, I disagree. The mother has chosen to use the method of communication she prefers--talking on the phone. The OP prefers text or email because she "hate(s) talking on the phone." Despite this, she talks on the phone with her mother every couple of weeks because it's the only form of communication her mother is willing to use. That is not wholly in favor of the OP. It is already a compromise.

Also, the mother has chosen to establish a pattern of using voicemail for "Hi. Call me back" messages, and calling multiple times for urgent messages. From the standpoint of someone who dislikes voicemail to begin with, it's "crying wolf." She established a pattern that messages left with no additional calls are routine and not time sensitive, so the recipient assumed that the next message fitting that pattern was also routine and not time sensitive. If she wants to change the pattern and get the message to the OP, then she could have gotten in touch and discussed how to change their communication before doing so. That would allow her and the OP to work out a new pattern that would work for both of them. For example, perhaps if she stops leaving messages just to ask for a call back, then the OP will be willing to listen to the much fewer voicemails more promptly.

I was going to say that the OP should tell everyone (especially Mom) not to leave 'hi, call me back' messages because they're basically a more troublesome version of seeing someone's number in the missed calls log. There's no information transmitted and it's therefore a waste of time to listen to them. Especially if you have to reboot your phone after doing so.  This situation is a perfect example of why they should not be used--it leads to complacency about messages so the one time it's something more important, it falls by the wayside.

AnnaJ

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Re: Rude not to check voice mail?
« Reply #136 on: August 09, 2013, 02:35:02 PM »
It's a pattern that's wholey in favor of the OP and I think that's where the problem comes in. Her mom is expected to make all the effort and maybe she was peeved about her missing the event because of this.

Again, I disagree. The mother has chosen to use the method of communication she prefers--talking on the phone. The OP prefers text or email because she "hate(s) talking on the phone." Despite this, she talks on the phone with her mother every couple of weeks because it's the only form of communication her mother is willing to use. That is not wholly in favor of the OP. It is already a compromise.

Also, the mother has chosen to establish a pattern of using voicemail for "Hi. Call me back" messages, and calling multiple times for urgent messages. From the standpoint of someone who dislikes voicemail to begin with, it's "crying wolf." She established a pattern that messages left with no additional calls are routine and not time sensitive, so the recipient assumed that the next message fitting that pattern was also routine and not time sensitive. If she wants to change the pattern and get the message to the OP, then she could have gotten in touch and discussed how to change their communication before doing so. That would allow her and the OP to work out a new pattern that would work for both of them. For example, perhaps if she stops leaving messages just to ask for a call back, then the OP will be willing to listen to the much fewer voicemails more promptly.

I was going to say that the OP should tell everyone (especially Mom) not to leave 'hi, call me back' messages because they're basically a more troublesome version of seeing someone's number in the missed calls log. There's no information transmitted and it's therefore a waste of time to listen to them. Especially if you have to reboot your phone after doing so.  This situation is a perfect example of why they should not be used--it leads to complacency about messages so the one time it's something more important, it falls by the wayside.

This may be your preference on voicemails, but I prefer that people let me know why they called since that determines when I call them back.  Do you need info now?  Then I'll return your call ASAP.  Just called to say hi?  Cool, I'll call you when I have time to chat. 

I think that blanket statements like"This situation is a perfect example of why they should not be used" should be couched in terms of them (statements) being your opinion, not universal truths - this thread is a good example of how 'always' and 'never' statements can cause disagreements.  Of course, that's just my opinion  :)

TootsNYC

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Re: Rude not to check voice mail?
« Reply #137 on: August 09, 2013, 06:38:13 PM »
I think you guys are agreeing.

I think, if I read you both right, you prefer for the voicemail message to give a definite indicator of what the call was about.

"There's a party for Uncle John on Saturday, call me for details."
"I need that info on the upholstery guy I asked you about."
"I just called to chat--nothing special. I'm just missing you."

Honestly, I think Etiquette *should* issue a blanket rule that says all voicemail messages (and all e-mail subject lines) should indicate briefly what the nature of the call is about.  I believe Etiquette shoudl say, "This is good form. Other approaches, while not actually rude to someone, are nonetheless bad form."

Sort of like wedding invitations are supposed to have the names of the people invited on the envelope.

AnnaJ

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Re: Rude not to check voice mail?
« Reply #138 on: August 09, 2013, 07:03:38 PM »
You are likely right, Toots - I think of a 'hi, this is Jane, call me' as being a wanting to chat call or else she would have left a specific message, but it really doesn't say that, I realized I was reading that into the message.


bopper

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Re: Rude not to check voice mail?
« Reply #139 on: August 21, 2013, 01:49:46 PM »


From xkcd today

gellchom

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Re: Rude not to check voice mail?
« Reply #140 on: August 23, 2013, 02:57:02 PM »
What I don't understand is why the OP and her mom don't simply discuss this for 2 minutes and figure out the best way to communicate.  Why go for unhealthy indirect manipulation of behavior when it's so easy just to discuss it directly?  Of course, that assumes that what they really want is a solution to a little problem, not a victory of a power struggle.

It sounds so foolish to me at both ends: Mom knows OP doesn't like voice mail, but she insists on only communicating that way, as though this will cause OP to suddenly start checking her voice mail often.  OP knows that this is the only way Mom will communicate, but she refuses to listen to the messages, as if Mom will then send a text -- and she doesn't change her outgoing message to state that she rarely checks voice mails. 

We have showed our moms how to use the text messaging features on their smart phones.  It's so handy when we are sending a message to the whole family, especially when we're traveling.  But we also know that they don't like it and they simply don't think in terms of text messaging, so if we want to be sure that they read what we're sending, we send the info in an e-mail or call, too.  It takes just a few seconds more -- certainly less time than a failure to communicate at all would often waste.

With all due respect, I think that the OP and Mom are both being a little stubborn, a little PA, and a little silly, frankly.  It's not the biggest deal in the world, but it sounds like they both prefer to make this a problem and be the one who's right than to figure out how to communicate effectively.  And it can easily affect others, too, depending on what the message is about, as it even kind of did here when it led to OP missing a family event because they played this rather childish game.

I think the nicest thing would be for each to consider the other's preference and put the other person first, as we do in so many areas.  Mom, text OP.  OP, call Mom.  But if the other person doesn't do it your preferred way, roll your eyes and listen to your message/read your text.  And may this be the biggest problem you ever have.

metallicafan

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Re: Rude not to check voice mail?
« Reply #141 on: August 23, 2013, 03:21:49 PM »
Just curious, does OP's mom even know how to send a text or email?