General Etiquette > Life...in general

s/o How much notice is enough

(1/4) > >>

snappylt:
[Background]  I was just now writing a reply in the "How much notice is enough" thread when I thought of a different question to ask.

In my reply in that thread I re-told the story from years ago when college acquaintances (friends of friends in college) mailed me an invitation to their wedding postmarked five or six days before the event.  I received their invitation three or four days before their wedding.  The reply-by date on their RSVP card had passed weeks before my invitation was mailed.

I've always assumed that that invitation was an afterthought, that I was a B list or C list guest.  It seemed rude to me at the time.

(For the record, I replied with a polite handwritten letter saying congratulations, but that I was sorry that I could not attend; that my invitation had been mailed so close to the date of the wedding that I had already made other plans for that date.) [End Background]

Remembering that story got me to thinking, is there ever a polite way for the hosts to handle a situation where they know shortly beforehand that they are going to have empty (but already paid for) seats at an event?

I'm thinking that it would be very difficult to invite anyone to "use" seats at the last minute, because it would be so clear that the last minute guests are B-list guests.  (And if it is for a wedding, it would likely be thought of as a gift-grab.)

Are there polite ways to do that I haven't thought of?

Winterlight:
I wonder if they were trying to use those invites as wedding announcements? If so, it was very badly done.

For other events, it varies. "Sally, I know this is late notice but we have three extra seats at our table for  Big Charity Ball next Saturday- would you like to take one?" would not necessarily be rude. For a wedding, I'd be really hesitant.

oogyda:

--- Quote from: snappylt on August 01, 2013, 12:40:38 PM ---[Background]  I was just now writing a reply in the "How much notice is enough" thread when I thought of a different question to ask.

In my reply in that thread I re-told the story from years ago when college acquaintances (friends of friends in college) mailed me an invitation to their wedding postmarked five or six days before the event.  I received their invitation three or four days before their wedding.  The reply-by date on their RSVP card had passed weeks before my invitation was mailed.

I've always assumed that that invitation was an afterthought, that I was a B list or C list guest.  It seemed rude to me at the time.

(For the record, I replied with a polite handwritten letter saying congratulations, but that I was sorry that I could not attend; that my invitation had been mailed so close to the date of the wedding that I had already made other plans for that date.) [End Background]

Remembering that story got me to thinking, is there ever a polite way for the hosts to handle a situation where they know shortly beforehand that they are going to have empty (but already paid for) seats at an event?

I'm thinking that it would be very difficult to invite anyone to "use" seats at the last minute, because it would be so clear that the last minute guests are B-list guests.  (And if it is for a wedding, it would likely be thought of as a gift-grab.)

Are there polite ways to do that I haven't thought of?

--- End quote ---

A polite response would have been "I'm sorry I will be unable to attend due to a prior commitment."  Blaming them by saying they mailed the invitation too late was not.  True or not.

I don't know how one would fill the empty seats without the implication that the seat filler was anything other than "B-list".

Outdoor Girl:
A coworker of mine did this to me.  She was getting married; we weren't friends and were never going to be friends.  She'd had enough invitees RSVP 'No' that she had room or she'd had some last minute cancellations and was trying to fill the seats.  She just brought the invitations into work for another coworker and I.  I was offended; fortunately, I had plans but I would have told her I had plans regardless.  My coworker went.

shhh its me:
For a wedding I don't think there is.   In my experience the final count isn't due until a week or 2 before the wedding. You need to know which room you will need  the one that seats 100- 150 or the one that seat up to 50-80 or both.  Also if you tell them 65 and 69 show up they can deal with it most of the time.

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[#] Next page

Go to full version