Author Topic: " I know we had plans, but I made others that don't include you."  (Read 23128 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

snowdragon

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2200
 I have a friend that I had made plans with for this afternoon and evening - months ago, to go to a concert about two hours away from where we live ( hence leaving that early).  The last time we discussed it we were going to leave at 3 and have an early dinner in the town where the concert was going to be.
  The band we were supposed to go to see, is only in the are once every two to three years or so and I had already paid for the tickets. ( I bought them the day they went on sale.)
  This morning I called up to confirm when she would be ready to leave as she lives about 30 minutes from me and I did not want to get there too early and have to just hang out while she did whatever.  She did not answer the phone til about noon,so about 2.5 hours before we were scheduled to leave and then told me that she was not going, that she had made other plans with her neighbor - and she would not be able to see me at all today.
  I am not happy but I told her I would try to get someone else to come with me. To which she replied that she felt that was wrong and that if she could not go, I should not go either.  Or at least go alone.
  Yeah, neither scenario is happening.

 My question here is if I can't get someone to go - is it rude to expect reimbursement for her ticket? She will not pay, but her husband would, I am certain.

ScubaGirl

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 545
Re: " I know we had plans, but I made others that don't include you."
« Reply #1 on: August 02, 2013, 01:45:37 PM »
Yes, she should pay.

This is a friend?  She would want you to go alone?  My mind is boggled.

Firecat

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2503
Re: " I know we had plans, but I made others that don't include you."
« Reply #2 on: August 02, 2013, 01:48:39 PM »
Yes, she should pay.

This is a friend?  She would want you to go alone?  My mind is boggled.

Doesn't seem like much of a friend to me, either. Essentially, she seems to be saying "I'm blowing you off, and I'm still going to control what you're allowed to do." That would be a deal-breaker right there, for me.

Piratelvr1121

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 10811
Re: " I know we had plans, but I made others that don't include you."
« Reply #3 on: August 02, 2013, 01:50:23 PM »
Wow, she is definitely a snowflake!  I wouldn't have any guilt in either going alone or having someone else use her ticket. 

I also wouldn't be making any other plans with her at all. 
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

BarensMom

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2592
Re: " I know we had plans, but I made others that don't include you."
« Reply #4 on: August 02, 2013, 01:50:58 PM »
WHAT!!!!  If she can't go, you shouldn't either?  Or you should go alone, and not find someone to use the other ticket that you paid for?  So you're supposed to just sit in a little box without any other friends/companions unless/until she wants to come play with you?

If I was in your shoes, this friendship would be so over.

snowdragon

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2200
Re: " I know we had plans, but I made others that don't include you."
« Reply #5 on: August 02, 2013, 01:57:56 PM »
Yes, she should pay.

This is a friend?  She would want you to go alone?  My mind is boggled.


  yeah, she'd want me not to go at all. My going alone is her idea of "compromise".   She's a rather new addition to the group but she said she LOOOOOOVES this band, "it's her all time favorite", ect - so we were going to go.  I am not going to make plans with her that involve money or anything I really care about doing

BarensMom

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2592
Re: " I know we had plans, but I made others that don't include you."
« Reply #6 on: August 02, 2013, 01:59:12 PM »
Yes, she should pay.

This is a friend?  She would want you to go alone?  My mind is boggled.


  yeah, she'd want me not to go at all. My going alone is her idea of "compromise".   She's a rather new addition to the group but she said she LOOOOOOVES this band, "it's her all time favorite", ect - so we were going to go.  I am not going to make plans with her that involve money or anything I really care about doing

After this, I wouldn't make plans with her AT ALL. 

SamiHami

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3114
  • No! Iz mai catnip! You no can haz! YOU NO CAN HAZ!
Re: " I know we had plans, but I made others that don't include you."
« Reply #7 on: August 02, 2013, 02:01:34 PM »
WHAT!!!!  If she can't go, you shouldn't either?  Or you should go alone, and not find someone to use the other ticket that you paid for?  So you're supposed to just sit in a little box without any other friends/companions unless/until she wants to come play with you?

If I was in your shoes, this friendship would be so over.

Yeah, what BarensMom said, 100%

What have you got? Is it food? Is it for me? I want it whatever it is!

snowdragon

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2200
Re: " I know we had plans, but I made others that don't include you."
« Reply #8 on: August 02, 2013, 02:04:15 PM »
Yes, she should pay.

This is a friend?  She would want you to go alone?  My mind is boggled.


  yeah, she'd want me not to go at all. My going alone is her idea of "compromise".   She's a rather new addition to the group but she said she LOOOOOOVES this band, "it's her all time favorite", ect - so we were going to go.  I am not going to make plans with her that involve money or anything I really care about doing

After this, I wouldn't make plans with her AT ALL.

  She's part of the general hang out group...which is why I can't avoud making plans with her. But anything that I care about,,,or involves money and isn't with the group. I will not be making those plans with her.

But my real question is about the ticket,,,can I legitimately expect reimbursement?

cwm

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2427
Re: " I know we had plans, but I made others that don't include you."
« Reply #9 on: August 02, 2013, 02:07:36 PM »
Yes, she should pay.

This is a friend?  She would want you to go alone?  My mind is boggled.


  yeah, she'd want me not to go at all. My going alone is her idea of "compromise".   She's a rather new addition to the group but she said she LOOOOOOVES this band, "it's her all time favorite", ect - so we were going to go.  I am not going to make plans with her that involve money or anything I really care about doing

Wow, how controlling is it that she's ditching a new friend and her "all time favorite band" to hang out with a neighbor and expects you to just drop all of your plans because of it? You shouldn't go enjoy yourself (after having paid for the tickets and planned for this for a long time, for the record) because she's decided not to go? Um, no.

New addition to the group or not, the only reason I'd possibly give her a pass is if her neighbor was A) very close to her, and B) having a major emergency of some sort. Barring that, her behavior is inexcusable. I'd not be making more plans with her. At all. Ever.

I wouldn't worry too much about the cost of the ticket, unless it was a hardship for you to get it upfront. Consider it the cost of a very important lesson. Honestly, I don't think you'd ever see the money without causing a bigger rift between you and her, even if her husband did get it to you.

ilrag

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 748
Re: " I know we had plans, but I made others that don't include you."
« Reply #10 on: August 02, 2013, 02:08:04 PM »
She should absolutely pay you back.

jilly

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 344
Re: " I know we had plans, but I made others that don't include you."
« Reply #11 on: August 02, 2013, 02:08:52 PM »
I'm stunned, of course you should find someone else to go with and if you can't she owes you for her ticket.

and POD to BarensMom I would not be making plans with her again at all, if she's there with the group fine but I would not be the one contacting her.

rose red

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 7481
Re: " I know we had plans, but I made others that don't include you."
« Reply #12 on: August 02, 2013, 02:16:40 PM »
Yes, you can ask for the money.  If she doesn't give it to you, just think of it as payment of a "background check" of knowing exactly what kind of person she is.  Also, the money is not wasted if it makes a real friend happy by treating him/her.

TootsNYC

  • A Pillar of the Forum
  • *****
  • Posts: 30461
Re: " I know we had plans, but I made others that don't include you."
« Reply #13 on: August 02, 2013, 02:20:58 PM »
WHAT!!!!  If she can't go, you shouldn't either?  Or you should go alone, and not find someone to use the other ticket that you paid for?  So you're supposed to just sit in a little box without any other friends/companions unless/until she wants to come play with you?

If I was in your shoes, this friendship would be so over.

yeah, that's for sure!

It's bad enough she bailed on you, after you'd forked out money *on her behalf*.

I'm stunned, of course you should find someone else to go with and if you can't she owes you for her ticket.

and POD to BarensMom I would not be making plans with her again at all, if she's there with the group fine but I would not be the one contacting her.

I think there's a snake in this restaurant!

NyaChan

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4107
Re: " I know we had plans, but I made others that don't include you."
« Reply #14 on: August 02, 2013, 02:43:38 PM »
She should absolutely be paying you back.  Wow.   >:(