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• May 30, 2016, 01:55:36 AM

### Author Topic: " I know we had plans, but I made others that don't include you."  (Read 30368 times)

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#### TootsNYC

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##### Re: " I know we had plans, but I made others that don't include you."
« Reply #60 on: August 04, 2013, 08:22:00 PM »
Quote
I sent an email out to her yesterday evening telling her that I expected her to pay for the ticket, since she canceled to go have fun with someone else. I have not gotten a reply yet. It would not surprise me if I never do.

Did not the person who eventually went to the concert, pay for that ticket?

Or did you offer it free so that it didn't go to waste?

I'm not sure I totally buy the idea that she has to pay for that ticket. She screwed up royally, but I'd have expected the person who did use the ticket to cover that cost.

#### gramma dishes

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##### Re: " I know we had plans, but I made others that don't include you."
« Reply #61 on: August 04, 2013, 09:35:18 PM »
Honestly, at this point I think the OP has to realize that she 'gave' the ticket to someone else and that the enjoyment she got from the concert was worth the price of the ticket.

Now she knows.  Never buy a ticket for someone else unless they pay in advance.

But in my way of thinking, the OP got to go to the concert with someone who enjoyed it with her (and enjoyed being with her) and that is payment enough.

Sure it would be great if First Girl paid for her ticket, but I can certainly fully understand why she wouldn't.  Someone else used it.  Let them pay for it.

I don't think this situation is likely to occur again with the original  Snowflaketina.  She wasn't out the money, but she paid in other ways less tangible but far more important in the long run.

#### GrammarNerd

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##### Re: " I know we had plans, but I made others that don't include you."
« Reply #62 on: August 04, 2013, 10:01:41 PM »
I just have to wonder if she's one of these people who can't ever admit that she made a mistake, so she goes in the other direction and makes it seem like you're the one being unreasonable. I've dealt with people like that, it seems like too much sometimes.  Heck, I'm married to one of them.  They can never admit they're wrong or that they did something wrong.  So they make up some stupid excuse, or they try to pin the whole mess on you.  I wonder if she forgot about the concert until you called, but then couldn't/wouldn't admit that she forgot.  Her gut reaction (internally) was, "Crap, I forgot about the concert!  I really wanted to see it too.  Well, it won't be so bad if friend doesn't go either.  That'll be fair."  (Fair in her own mind, that is.)

Glad you were able to find someone to go with and that you had a good time.

And about her 'reply all'?  Perfect!  And she did it to herself.

#### *inviteseller

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##### Re: " I know we had plans, but I made others that don't include you."
« Reply #63 on: August 04, 2013, 10:31:48 PM »
I am willing to bet that Snowflaketine purposely hit reply all to out OP as the 'meanie' for daring to go have fun without her.  This woman sounds like a piece of work, someone who truly believes the world revolves around her and no one else is allowed to have fun without her.  I would have replied, hitting that lovely reply all, ya know, by accident, "Snowflaketine, I don't understand why you felt I shouldn't go to the concert as you didn't even pay for the tickets and decided to make other plans without telling me.  I was just glad you finally answered one of my many texts a few hours before the show so I could find someone else to go with."

#### TheaterDiva1

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##### Re: " I know we had plans, but I made others that don't include you."
« Reply #64 on: August 04, 2013, 11:04:52 PM »
POD... I was thinking the same thing, but you said it more nicely than I would have!

#### PastryGoddess

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##### Re: " I know we had plans, but I made others that don't include you."
« Reply #65 on: August 04, 2013, 11:43:56 PM »
I am willing to bet that Snowflaketine purposely hit reply all to out OP as the 'meanie' for daring to go have fun without her.  This woman sounds like a piece of work, someone who truly believes the world revolves around her and no one else is allowed to have fun without her.  I would have replied, hitting that lovely reply all, ya know, by accident, "Snowflaketine, I don't understand why you felt I shouldn't go to the concert as you didn't even pay for the tickets and decided to make other plans without telling me.  I was just glad you finally answered one of my many texts a few hours before the show so I could find someone else to go with."

That would be a great response
Maryland

#### Otterpop

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##### Re: " I know we had plans, but I made others that don't include you."
« Reply #66 on: August 05, 2013, 01:59:25 AM »
I would reply all that, "I bought the tickets and I was darn well going to enjoy them.  You bailed on me the day of the concert and I had to search around last minute for someone to go with.  You also expected to control what I did once you cancelled.  YOU did not behave as a friend to ME and I will not accept any more contact unless an apology and repayment is made."

(Honestly, though I might not ask for repayment.  She will just use this against you with the group - "She gave the tickets away then expects me to pay for them?"  Or, "She sold mine and expects to be payed twice?"  Either way, you'll have to chase her some more, you'll never see the money and she can twist it to make you look like the bad guy.  Consider it a cheap lesson in weeding out a bad friend and never fronting money again).
« Last Edit: August 05, 2013, 02:02:15 AM by Otterpop »

#### jedikaiti

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##### Re: " I know we had plans, but I made others that don't include you."
« Reply #67 on: August 05, 2013, 02:25:50 AM »
I wouldn't bother responding. She's already hung herself, she doesn't need any more rope.
What part of v_e = \sqrt{\frac{2GM}{r}} don't you understand? It's only rocket science!

"The problem with re-examining your brilliant ideas is that more often than not, you discover they are the intellectual equivalent of saying, 'Hold my beer and watch this!'" - Cindy Couture

#### Psychopoesie

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##### Re: " I know we had plans, but I made others that don't include you."
« Reply #68 on: August 05, 2013, 03:57:42 AM »
If she had given you a decent amount of notice about her non-attendance, I'd say she was off the hook paying for the tickets. You would have had time to make other plans - to find a legit way to sell the ticket or find a friend prepared to pay.

As it was, she bailed last minute. Being placed in a situation where you're trying to find someone while you were driving to the event is insanely last minute.

If you'd gone alone because of her snowflakey actions, she would have been up for paying the ticket cost.

If you found someone who could go with you but who couldn't afford to pay because of the short notice (which is what I'm assuming happened), then the SS is still up for the ticket cost. (Although if I was the one who went with you at the last minute, I would have offered to pay, even if I couldn't cough up the money then and there.)

If the friend who went with you did pay for the ticket, then of course the SS is off the hook for the cost of the ticket.

All of this is likely to remain hypothetical.  Because from what you have described, SS would not pay for her ticket even if her absence had meant you were unable to attend.

It sounds like the wider group now have a pretty good idea of what happened. Back away from the SS and let her continue to dig herself in deeper. As jedikaiti said, "she doesn't need any more rope".

#### Venus193

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##### Re: " I know we had plans, but I made others that don't include you."
« Reply #69 on: August 05, 2013, 05:01:21 AM »
Having been hung up for tickets three times (by two different people) I have learned my lesson.  However, neither of these people were malicious.

This SS needs to be called out on this behavior.  Congratulations on doing so and consider the lost money tuition in the School of Hard Knocks.

#### menley

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##### Re: " I know we had plans, but I made others that don't include you."
« Reply #70 on: August 05, 2013, 05:06:54 AM »
Wow. On the few occasions where I have had to bail on the day of an event (always for medical reasons) I have begged forgiveness and paid for my ticket. In one case I offered to pay for my friend's ticket as well, as she wasn't able to find someone else to attend and didn't want to go alone. I cannot believe this woman thinks any of her actions are socially acceptable!

#### Cherry91

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##### Re: " I know we had plans, but I made others that don't include you."
« Reply #71 on: August 05, 2013, 05:49:29 AM »
This SS needs to be called on her behaviour. "I've inconvenienced you by making other plans, but if you try to go without me, YOU are the bad guy"? It beggars belief. This woman sounds spoilt and controlling.

It sounds to me like she has dug her own grave though, by sending the email to all your friends. If you had told anyone this tale, they might have thought you misinterpreted or exaggerated what SS said but this way you have proof without having to say a word!
All will be well, and all manner of things will be well.

#### Slartibartfast

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##### Re: " I know we had plans, but I made others that don't include you."
« Reply #72 on: August 05, 2013, 06:01:52 AM »
You can only expect to be reimbursed for an unused ticket if you're dealing with a reasonable person - and even then, it's not "expect" as much as "hope."  Lots of people would take umbrage at "You owe me $XX for that ticket you never got to enjoy the use of."* That said, a reasonable person would hear you say "I'm so frustrated at your change of plans - these tickets were$XX apiece and I'm not going to be able to sell the extra at this late a date!" and they'd volunteer to pay the $XX. *I say this primarily because I'm trying to imagine scenarios in which I'd expect someone else to pay and scenarios in which I'd volunteer to pay and I'm seeing a lot more of the former than the latter. If there's any miscommunication at all about whether the event is hosted / who's paying / whether plans were finalized or not / whether permission was given to purchase tickets on behalf of someone else, it's entirely likely the purchaser will feel they're owed money and the other person will feel they're not on the hook because they never said yes in the first place / weren't told there was a cost / were told someone else was treating them. #### Venus193 • Member • Posts: 16929 • Backstage passes are wonderful things! ##### Re: " I know we had plans, but I made others that don't include you." « Reply #73 on: August 05, 2013, 07:06:19 AM » You can only expect to be reimbursed for an unused ticket if you're dealing with a reasonable person - and even then, it's not "expect" as much as "hope." Lots of people would take umbrage at "You owe me$XX for that ticket you never got to enjoy the use of."*  That said, a reasonable person would hear you say "I'm so frustrated at your change of plans - these tickets were $XX apiece and I'm not going to be able to sell the extra at this late a date!" and they'd volunteer to pay the$XX.

*I say this primarily because I'm trying to imagine scenarios in which I'd expect someone else to pay and scenarios in which I'd volunteer to pay and I'm seeing a lot more of the former than the latter.  If there's any miscommunication at all about whether the event is hosted / who's paying / whether plans were finalized or not / whether permission was given to purchase tickets on behalf of someone else, it's entirely likely the purchaser will feel they're owed money and the other person will feel they're not on the hook because they never said yes in the first place / weren't told there was a cost / were told someone else was treating them.

With people like the offender in this tale you can almost bet that no written communication means she could feel free to rewrite history to get out of paying what she owed, to make herself out to be the victim, or to gaslight the person she stood up.  Or all three.

It's bad enough when you have to do CYA communication at work; you should not have to do it in your social life.

#### pierrotlunaire0

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##### Re: " I know we had plans, but I made others that don't include you."
« Reply #74 on: August 05, 2013, 09:19:44 AM »
In the immortal words of Bugs Bunny:  "What a maroon!"
I have enough lithium in my medicine cabinet to power three cars across a sizeable desert.  Which makes me officially...Three Cars Crazy